A magazine found Barack Obama's long lost brother, George Hussein Obama (apparently, the whole family got stuck with that middle name), living in a cardboard box somewhere over in Africa:
The Italian edition of Vanity Fair said that it had found George Hussein Onyango Obama living in a hut in a ramshackle town of Huruma on the outskirts of Nairobi.
He told the magazine: "I live like a recluse, no-one knows I exist."
Embarrassed by his penury, he said that he does not does not mention his famous half-brother in conversation.
"If anyone says something about my surname, I say we are not related. I am ashamed," he said.
He's even younger than I am, which would seem damn near impossible, given the fact that his father has been dead since 1982. It makes you wonder how many kids Barack Obama's father might have had, had he not died when he did.
You know it had to have occurred to Barack Obama at some point or another that having his father die at a relatively young age was probably the best thing that could possibly happen, given the circumstances. I mean, it's not like his daddy was cutting him a check anyway. And every once in a while you hear these stories about these Africans with something ridonkulous like a hundred wives, and even more children.
I'm not saying Barack, Sr. would have been that lucky. (Admit it, having hundreds of kids would be kinda awesome, so long as you don't have to feed 'em.) I'm just saying. You have to wonder how many half siblings Barack Obama could have before it started to become an issue. In fact, I'm kinda surprised John McCain hasn't commissioned the Temptation's "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" for an attack ad yet.
So Barack Obama gets points for having a father with umpteen outside kids he didn't bother to provide for. But how in the fuck is Barack Obama gonna have a half brother living in a cardboard box over in Africa? I think we all know good and well that, if the Obama family was authentically black, we would have been heard about George Hussein Obama trying to take out a loan on a Cadillac in his big brother's name.
Seriously, one of you ladies reading this needs to see about flying over to Africa and bringing this poor bastard back with you. This could be one of the best comeups since Lisa Raye became the first lady of Turks and Caicos.
Barack Obama's 'lost' brother found in Kenya [Telegraph]