When I first heard that the really kind of ugly girl pictured above had gone down to Aruba and most likely gotten herself effed in the a and dumped in the water, I couldn't help but chuckle a bit just because I've been down there before and I know what it's like. Now granted, I've never been known as what you might call an "honors student" or an individual with a "commitment to service," but hey, at least I managed to escape with my life and, more importantly, my asshole in tact, nhjic.
(For more amusing quotes about Natalee Holloway, including the fact her high school yearbook quote is from "Freebird" (!) and her mom's last name is "Twitty," check out this story from CNN.com, where I ganked the picture.)
No homo Juelz Santana. Before I went down there, I had always imagined Aruba as being beautiful and exotic, not unlike something out of the movie Cocktail, but that's really not the case at all. Instead, Aruba, even though it sits in the middle of the ocean, is like a huge (OK, not so huge) motherfucking desert, complete with sand and cactii all over the place. It's so hot down there all the time that all you ever want to do is go find somewhere that's got AC. Fuck going snorkeling!
Also, like most other islands down that way, Aruba is racist as fuck. I remember myself, El Estacion and a few other people went on this tour of the island, and I guess because there were no cracka-ass crackas in the car, the dude who was driving gave us what you might call the "unofficial" tour. I think it might have started when we were on the way back from the real tour and came across a big dead dodo bird or some shit lying in the road. He asked if any of us would object to him stopping and putting it in his trunk so that he might eat it later on and we were like, "Um, no."
So after that, he was like, "I want to take you around and show you a few other places." We were like, "Yeah that's cool; it's not like we've got shit else better to do." I think the first place we went was to see the sharks, which was fucking awesome. You see, there's like one half of Aruba where all the tourists go surfing, and they can't have any sharks over there lest they end up with a Jaws-like situation. So what they do is that they drop shitloads of meat into the water on the opposite side of the island. It's weird because you can go right up to the edge of this little cliff and look over and see mad sharks just swimming around in the water.
After that, the dude said that he wanted us to go see this church. I wasn't really sure why we were going to see this church but I was just going along with it. No homo. So we get there and it's obvious that there's a big wedding going on inside. Honestly, it wasn't a very impressive-looking church from the outside - big maybe and new-looking, but boring architectually. He was like, if you want, you can go inside. I was like, "It looks like there's a wedding going on though." He was like, "No, it's cool." So we just went in and started walking around and taking pictures and shit right in the middle of this wedding. The cracka-ass crackas who were getting married just stood there and tried to play it off as if this shit happens all the time.
Outside there were, literally, about 7 new all-white Mercedes cars of various sizes and models with big yellow bows tied to the top of them. When we got done with our little tour of the church, our "tour guide" went up to one of them and smacked the hood of it as hard as he could just to make sure there was no alarm or anything. When he realized there wasn't, he climbed up on top of it, busted out the b-boy stance and had us take pictures of him, and then he had us climb up on top of them so that he could take pictures of us. No homo.
Later on, he took us to the ghetto, which is conveniently kind of tucked away (or as tucked away as you can be on such a small island) from where they like the tourists to generally remain, just so that we could see the huge disparity between how the rich cracka-ass crackas who own all that shit live compared to the jigs who live there and do all of the heavy lifting. In general, I got the idea that the jigs of Aruba can't stand cracka-ass crackas and that it wouldn't take much for them to snap on one of them, which is why I wasn't surprised at all when I heard what happened (or probably happened) to Natalee Holloway.