I accidentally turned my radio dial to New York City’s Power 105.1 yesterday afternoon and tuned into the Ed Lover show (I guess they finally decided to put Dr. Dre’s lard ass to rest). The God MC Jay-Z was the in-studio guest, and being a fan of Jay’s (no homo), I decided to hear what Hova had to say. Ed asked him some questions about his new role as Island/DefJam’s president and Jay responded in his usual incomprehensible, mumbling way. In real speak, dude has a really annoying whiney, nasally voice and he effin mumbles. For example:
Ed: "Jay, what’s the new direction for Def Jam?"
Jay: "Mmm, ya know, ehm, hot, we got heat, mmm, yeah, knawmean, word, ahm, quarter waters, mmmm, Holla!"
WHAT THE FUCK? Then it dawned on me that dude is one of those idiot savants I usually hear about in the news or on Ripley’s Believe It Or Not, you know, where someone has the mental capacity of a six month old but then they get on the piano and bust Beethovan’s ass. Shawn Carter is really an infantile retard until he touches the mic in the same way that Rain Man was as bright as a sack of effin potatoes until you put some numbers in front of him.
Anyway, Ed asks Jay who his main project for Def Jam is and Jay says it’s Memphis Bleek. HUH? Now, in a game as treacherous as the music industry, I respect cats who remain loyal to their peoples, and Jay has been on Bleek’s knuts for like ten years now, but then Memphis gets on the air and he and Jay start all this nonsensical negro prattling about how “they gon’ bring it to the world this year”, “we got this”, “dudes better watch out” and all types of annoying jiggery b.s. Ed then plays Bleek’s new single and he, Jay and Bleek all go apeshit about how “that shit is crazy, hot and so on” and on my end all I’m hearing is the usual weak, marginal shit Bleek is known for. Then I get it, Jay and Bleek have been, and remain, lovers. I wouldn’t be surprised if those cocksmokers include a "Bonnie & Clyde ’05" record on Bleek’s new LP. It’s all coming together. Holla!!!