I'm in the studio right now working on my offical answer record to Jin's "Tsunami Response" which will hopefully be played tomorrow morning on the new, E-Bro hosted Hot 97 Morning Show. In the meantime, I thought I'd hit you all off with this list, copied verbatim (without permission) from ego trip's Big Book of Racism!, of rap songs where jigs (and in one case, a cracka) make "insensitive remarks" about, um, Asians in rap records. If anything, this just goes to show that jigs clowning Chinamen on rap songs, even on Hot 97 (peep the "dishonorable mention"), is hardly news, despite what certain enemies of hip-hop might tell you.
YELLOW RAP BASTARDIZATION:
A BRIEF HISTORY OF RAP RECORDINGS THAT RIDICULE 'RIENTALS.
"DANA DANE WITH FAME" —DANA DANE (PROFILE, 1987)
The earliest recorded hip-hop moment explicitly offensive to Asians. Recounting an intimate episode with a female companion, Dana rhymes, "Rocked it once / She said, 'Dana, please!' / I rocked it once again / She started talking Japanese / 'Choy yoi yoi yoi yoi yoi yoi / Choy yoi yoi yoi yoiii! / Choy yoi yoi yoi choy ch-choy / A-chig-a-chig-choy choy choy!' " (We're no linguists, but we're pretty sure that last part isn't really Japanese.)
"IWO JIMA" —FROZEN EXPLOSION (B-BOY, 1987)
Leave it to an obscure, guido-looking white rapper from the Midwest to take Nippon mockery to the next level. "Iwo Jima" is a mysterious Japanese cat who cold rocks the party every time he sings his whiny theme song—a tune four times more offensive than Dana Dane's faux Far Eastern improv (mainly because it is repeated in quadruplicate, aight?)
"ON THE BUGGED TIP" —BIG DADDY KANE FEATURING SCOOB LOVER (COLD CHILLIN', 1988)
Kane's sidekick Scoob dogged Asian cuisine stereotypes when he yelped, "Now now now I'ma place a order for a Scooby snack / Not at the Chinese resturant because I don't eat cats." Not without duck sauce, anyways.
"CHINESE DELIVERY" —SHAZZY (ELEKTRA, 1990)
This thirty-five second skit on the female rapper's debut album consists of a Chinese food deliveryman sputtering a few words in broken English over a nervous drum track. His career in rap lasted about as long as Shazzy's.
"BLACK KOREA" —ICE CUBE (PRIORITY, 1991)
O'Shea's Death Certificate tirade against Korean shopkeepers who mistreat their black patrons is the stuff great hate is made of, and features morsels of inspired ignorance like, "So don't follow me up and down your market / Or your little chop suey ass will be a target / Of the nationwide boycott." Cube's Asian bashing resurfaces on two other songs from the album—the anti-jungle fever diatribe "Honry Lil' Devil" ("Go down to the corner store and beat the Jap up"), and the call for black unity "Us" ("Too much backstabbin' / While I look out the window I see all the Japs grabbin' / Every vacant lot in my neighborhood"). Too bad no one was grabbin' all the vacant seats in the movie theater that week Ghost of Mars was playing.
"I SHOT YA (REMIX)" —LL COOL J FEATURING KEITH MURRAY, PRODIGY, FAT JOE, AND FOXY BROWN (DEF JAM, 1995)
A posse extravaganza notable for Foxy's grammatically-botched, rhyme-challenged, racially-insensitive lines, "Thug niggas give they minks to [sic] chinks / Slow down, we sip drinks, rockin' minks [sic]." A shame she didn't get her lyrics from Jay-Z. (And if she did, shame on a Hova.)
UNTITLED SKIT FROM THE SCORE —FUGEES (COLUMBIA, 1996)
This Fugees album was a multi-zillion certified smash, so chances are you've heard the ignorant interlude in which a Chinese takeout proprietor talks like a badly dubbed character from an old school kung fu flick and whyles out on his customers for no good reason. But hopefully most of y'all just skipped it because you couldn't wait to hear "Fu-gee-la" one mo' time again. Ooh la la la!
"SHANGHAI" —CAM'RON (UNTERTAINMENT, 1998)
It's hell up in Harlem for some Asian gangsters running an illegal business out of a local storefront when Cam'ron finds out. Demanding a piece of their action, Cam unleashes venomous lines like, "Blam, that's for the chink that flipped / And grabbed me like spock on some Bruce Lee shit" over a cacophonous Far Eastern melody while a presumably Asian woman screams bloody murder in the background.
"DIDDY" —P. DIDDY AND THE BAD BOY FAMILY (BAD BOY, 2001)
Puffy's boast, "My aim is winnin' / Got Asian women that'll change my linen / After I done blazed and hit 'em," got him in hot water with Asian-American activists. We can't figure out why, since everybody knows illegal Latinos wash all the dirty laundry these days. Duh, Diddy. (Or, to quote Run-D.M.C., "Dumb Diddy Dumb Diddy Diddy Diddy Dumb Dumb.")
MOST DISHONORABLE MENTION:
In December 1995, DJ Funkmaster Flex drops an inadvertant bomb when he makes a derogatory joke about slanty-eyed Asians being poor drivers during his radio program on radio station Hot 97. News of Flex's comments sparks outcry from the Committee Against Anti-Asian Violence and the American Civil Liberties Union, and Flex issues a public apology.