So this weekend my 14-year-old bi cousin came over for Thanksgiving and showed The Station her profile on some shit called STLPunk.com. As you can see, it's probably about the sorriest shit there ever was on the Internet. So then The Station aka Squirrel got the bright idea to create our own profiles, you know, just for shits and giggles. My STLPunk name is EmoBol. Fitz is PunkFitz and The Station is PunkieBrewster. I've also found a chick that I'm going to try to bang based on my sheer emo-ness. But my profile needs work. That's where you good people come in.
Right now, all I've been able to come up with are the lyrics to Dashboard Confessional's insta-classic "Screaming Infidelities." I definitely need to come up with the kind of emo shit that'll make all of the lonely, suicidal 15-year-old chicks swoon. The only thing is, that's far from my area of expertise. I don't even think they had emo back when I was in high school. We just called 'em faggots.
So your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with the most emo shit possible for my profile. You might try checking out some of those other losers' profiles to get an idea of what to write. I'm thinking there should definitely be some references to me being a cutter and maybe even having one of those male eating disorders. But be creative. I'll be taking the best suggestions and using them in my profile.
Winners will receive a can of Busch Light and a copy of the Alchemist's 1st Infantry CD.