Brad and Robin Go to Jail
This is it, the one episode MTV has been hyping up since the first week of this garbage. People get arrested!
Actually, I've been waiting to see the one where Randy's friend from back home slips some chick a little "date rape" and does to her what Randy should've done to Robin a long ass time ago, but I guess it would be, as Bush Mengele Sr. would say, imprudent of MTV to hype something like that up.
But you know, I really wouldn't put it past MTV to hype up pretty much anything that they thought might draw ratings, so there must be some legal reason why we haven't heard about it yet. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they somehow managed to completely gloss over it.
I guess we'll have to settle for this episode, which begins like pretty much any other episode this season, with people drinking. Er, actually getting ready to drink, but what do you care? They're planning to go out to some club and Cameran and Jacquese have to get fake IDs. I guess they figure if it worked for that one big overgrown Muppet from Back to New York (who I so wanted to bang, don't ask why), it'll work for them.
It doesn't. Jacquese shows his to the guy at the door just hoping to get turned away because his roommates "don't know how to act" (foreshadowing, anybody?). Cameran, on the other hand, has this whole routine planned out by Robin who, as we all know, is a "night club industry" insider (a table dancer, to be exact) and surely if anyone knows how to get past security she does. Long story short, neither one of them got in.
Jacquese hurries home to get a little "whole house to himself" swack in before anybody else manages to get kicked out while Cameran has to have somebody flag down a cab for her and describe for the driver exactly where to take her (the big gay looking house by the water). How about for a long drive on a short pier? But before that can happen, somebody else in line yells something about how the Real World is really the Fake World, so Robin goes over and fucking punches the guy.
The Fruit Who Got Punched (sometimes I crack myself up) contemplates suing MTV, but I'm guessing somebody from BMP figured it would be cheaper and make for better TV if they slipped the guy a $50 and got him to complain to the cops who would then show up and arrest Robin. Maybe Jonathan Murray even fucked the guy in the back of the production van and that's how his neck got all scratched up, who knows?
Meanwhile Robin heads back inside the club where she meets Frankie who, as far as I can remember, was supposed to be inside calling a cab for Cameran, but was probably in there getting tanked and staring at guys' units like she always is. Meanwhile, Brad and Randy are somewhere in the same club getting just, heroically drunk and making passes at girls I'm sure they were completely embarrassed to have kicked it to once the shit came on TV.
So that's pretty much where the fun starts:
Robin is sitting at some table off by herself drinking when some geek who was working for the club comes up and informs her that there are some people who want to talk to her outside. He leads her to the back door out by the dumpsters and shit which should've been her first clue that it wasn't Cameran's dumb ass who was waiting for her outside. Still, being the dumb hooker that she is, she pulls a complete Jeff Spicoli when she's deposited out into the alley, all like "Wait, I thought my friend was supposed to be out here."
Nope, just the cops.
They ask her about what happened and she demonstrates by pushing the cop about eight times before he tells her to cut it out and then pushing him once more after that. It should also be noted that the little push she demonstrated for the cop beared no relation to the little fag punch that she gave the actual guy. When the cop informs her that the guy also had scratch marks, she goes "Well that couldn't have been me because all I did was punch him." Yeah, real smart move bitch.
So she gets arrested.
Meanwhile, Brad and Randy get kicked out of the club. It would've been cool to have seen what for, but I'm assuming it was just for being really fucking drunk. Outside they wander past Robin, who's sitting in the squad car and out into the street where they get into a little back and forth with a group of guys standing outside the club.
Some cops come over and try to get the two of out of the street and onto the sidewalk, but Brad looks like he's too drunk to tell the difference. Seriously, if he would've just went and stood on the sidewalk with Speech Impediment Boy, I doubt he would've even gotten arrested. Instead he just kinda stands there and makes some kind of goofy face at whoever the guy it was who was yelling at him, which prompts the cops to place him under arrest.
In the car he makes some more goofy faces and tries to get the cops to let him go because the guy actually did have a receding hairline but to no avail. As they're pulling off, one of the cops says something into his little walkie talkie about a penal code, to which Brad responds "Penal code? I didn't pull out my penis." Good shit.
While all of this is happening, Frankie walks up to Randy out of nowhere and is all like "Just who I've been looking for the whole night," which kinda made me go hmm... It would seem to me like too much of a coincidence for her to just pop up like that right when Brad's stupid drunk ass is being driven away in the squad car. I wouldn't be surprised if she had been stalking him all evening and the way she starts clinging to his ass right away is just more proof.
The two of them make it back to the house where Randy runs upstairs to inform Jacquese that Brad has been "straight up arrested." Jacquese is lying there in bed, under the covers wearing jeans and a hoodie. Can anybody say "pitching a tent?" Like a man caught masturbating, Jacquese jumps up right away and tries to get a handle on the situation.
He tries calling the jail to see where exactly Brad is at, but it's too early; his name isn't even in the system yet. All they can do at this point is wait. Jacquese goes and tapes a sign to his hoody that says "Free Brad" and starts jumping up and down again like a spider monkey and yelling "Free Brad" for a few seconds until the novelty wore off. Randy proclaims that he won't be sleeping until his boy Brad is free. Frankie, meanwhile, won't be going to sleep until she's at least touched Randy's unit, if not completely cleaned out the inside of her mouth with it.
That brings us to the next scene (or is it?) with Jacquese, Randy and his permanent attachment at this point, Frankie all lying three across the bed mumbling to each other. Frankie's all licking the goo from behind Randy's ear and trying to give the man a reach around while Randy, again completely oblivious, is mumbling some shit about "When are gonna prove my man innocent?" Jacquese is just kinda lying there taking it all in and no doubt contemplating reaching for his own unit.
Still later, Robin calls and tells Jacquese that the cops have taken her to a jail somewhere in Mexico. At this point, I'm getting Bad Lieutenant-style images of a bottle of tequila, two drunk naked 50 year old white guys and a naked bimbo with cartoonishly inflated hooters tied to the bed, but it turns out that the cops had just taken her to a women's facility that had a name vaguely reminiscent of a Mexican resturant. La Cienga or something.
Let's see... What else happens?
Well basically, we find out that Robin is being held until her court date and her bail is set at $8,000, which of course nobody has. Brad at some point calls the house and leaves a rather amusing phone message that kinda sounds like Dave Chappelle ("I'm in jail! Pick me up BITCH!"). His case sounds like one of those ones where you can show up the next morning with $150 and pretty much get the guy out and that looks like what's going to happen next episode. I'm still waiting for the one with the date rape action.