ByronCrawford.com

The best celebrity cans of the decade, 2000 - 2009

Of course, the order is questionable, but I'd say this is a pretty decent list. You can tell it was put together by a real connoisseur.

The top 10:

1. Salma Hayek
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Keeley Hazell
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Carla Gugino
6. Carmen Electra
7. Christina Hendricks
8. Jenna Fischer
9. Giada De Laurentiis
10. Lucy Pinder

Numbers 11 to 20 might even be better that the top 10 - it's just, they aren't as famous/currently relevant.

Best Celebrity Boobs of the Last Decade [Gunaxin Girls]

Would you bang an amputee?

I'd answer, but I don't need anyone trying to psychoanalyze me.

Gallery of Hot Amputees [Caveman Circus]

Finally, a Tumblr dedicated to "thick" broads

In the tradition of Fuck Yeah Kelly Brook, i.e. the best blog evar, it's Fuck Yeah Thick Bitches. Taheezo makes a number of appearances, if that's your sort of thing.

Visual proof, for the naysayers

"Fuck you, you fucking dick. Always naysaying." -- Jack Black

An email I just received from the guy who got burnt by Shakur:

Hey Byron,

For the naysayers that think I'm lying about my condition or health that was transimitted to me from Shakur. Attached are before and after pictures of Shakur, she took the camera picture in my car the day I picked her up from the airport, after being gone for a couple weeks, when she got her nose and lips done. I refuse to put my pictures up with Shakur because I didn't ask to be subjected to this, nor do I want pictures of me and her on the Internets to be a constant reminder of what she did to me. Since she wants to be famous and in the public eye I feel the truth should be out there about her also.

You can understand why this guy wouldn't want any pictures of himself on the Internets, what with his condition.

After the jump is the picture of her in his car, post-plastic surgery.

From the Inbox: Is Shakur the new Ashley Logan?

Behold, an email I just received from someone who claims he used to date Shakur, back before she had what it took to be in Drake's video for "Best I Ever Had."

***

Hey Byron,

I was directed to your site by a friend who is an avid reader of your blog. The reason why I am writing to you is because you had posted my ex-girlfriend Shakur. We both lived in LA together and I wanted to write and tell you about Shakur before all the cosmetic procedures. I knew Shakur when she had full C cups, no ass, and a pointy nose. I would always tell her she was beautiful regardless and that she did not need a breast augmentation, hydro gel butt shots or a nose job, but she kept insisting in order to be accepted in Hollywood she would need those procedures done.

So I supported her in getting the cosmetic procedures. Me being naive I did not know she had some NBA baller at the time paying for her surgeries. As time went on I started getting these puss like blisters around my genitals that would bleed once touched and were extremely uncomfortable. So I went to my doctor not knowing what I had and that's when he informed me I had genital warts and that they could be froze off or applied heat to be removed. Now mind you Shakur was the only girl I was sleeping with at the time so I had to question her about giving me an STD. When I confronted her about it she got all on the defense and tried to cut me off. Talking about I probably fucked some hoe and got it from them. But I was 100% faithful to Shakur for 3 years and never had an STD in my life.

Needless to say the genital warts removal was embarrassing and painful and the doctors said the warts could show up again at any given time and that every persons reaction is different.

I eventually dumped Shakur because she was a habitual liar and I found out she was dating some guy name Charles that works for XXL magazine and that is how she appeared in the magazine as their Eye Candy. I learned my lesson from this experience and any girl I date from now on with an identity crisis or low self esteem about their appearance, I will run in the opposite direction.

***

If "Charles" turns out to be Carl, the guy I used to work with at XXL, I might actually give up on writing.

The 10 most beautiful women in the world, according to yours truly

I thought this year's Maxim list of the hottest women in the world was even more bullshit than usual, so I figured, what the fuck, I'd make my own list. You might recognize pretty much all of these broads from my world renown Tumblr, The Little Outlet. Note that I've spent more time thinking about this than anything else I've ever written (upwards of an hour), so I will not abide any questioning of my judgment and/or attempts at psychoanalysis.

With all due respect, past and present, and without further to do:

How to tell whether or not a woman is attractive

If Sandra Rose doesn't like her, she's probably smokin'!

There was a time, this summer, when I spent two weeks in a row in Chicago, going to a family reunion and then Lollapalooza, so I couldn't check the Internets as often. Towards the end of Lollapalooza, I met the infamous TPAR, from the XXL comments section, and he was telling me about the hilarity that was the XXL guest blogger Shakur, and that I needed to get on that.

I'm not gonna lie - I probably could have found time to look into Shakur, but I didn't, and part of the reason that I didn't is because I figured she probably wasn't worth a shit. The name Shakur sounds kinda African, which led me to believe she might have been one of these women who didn't have any business being in XXL's Eye Candy section. If you notice, the quality of the models there varies wildly. And every now and again, they'll run a feature on the site called Web Candy, featuring the kind of women who can ruin a brother's cortisol levels. My knee is still recovering from the last one I saw.

Anyway, I was checking Sandra Rose just now, and, um, holy shit! In the one picture, above, it looks like she might have some Keri Hilson issues in the face, but wait until you take a look at the picture after the jump.

Before you do, here's Sandra Rose suggesting that Shakur's body parts are fake, and she slept her way into a part in Drake's "Best I Ever Had" video, aka the gift that keeps on giving.

Want to hook a baller to finance your situation or get some face time in some rapper’s video? Just fill your butt with Hydrogel and throw in a pair of breast implants and you’re straight. They won’t know the difference.

The latest industry bicycle is a LSLH chick named “Shakur.” I’ve never heard of her either. But according to loyal reader Juleszsss, Shakur slept her way to the top via gay rapper’s Drake and Kanye West.

Such nastiness...

Up Next: The Latest Industry Bicycle [Sandra Rose]

Meghan McCain, cam hoo-er

Oh shit!

Apology after the jump, also courtesy of the ever vigilant $habooty.

Nice shower curtain!

A site called Caveman Circus has a good gallery of pictures of Shay Maria, whom I did a post on here a while back. Remember, she supposedly once danced onstage at a Drake concert? And I missed it.

Introducing Shay Maria [Caveman Circus]

I'd like to see Chicago try that!

I can't cosign dudes walking around with their schlongs out - but if girls in Chicago were to walk around in outfits like that, it'd be a nightmare. And keep in mind, I acknowledge that girls in Chicago look better than girls here. (My bad, girls here.)

After the jump is an NSFW photoshoot Ice T's wife Coco did for Playboy.