December 04, 2013
The reason you see so many hoodrats in Chuck E. Cheese is because, on the low, they fuxwit that animatronic band.
December 02, 2013
I don't always eat a meal that's not shit on a shingle, but when I do I write a review of it for Yelp which is eventually crowned Review of the Day.
I've been subsisting on a steady diet of cold cuts for the past couple of years, and I only got a chance to check out this Jet's Pizza when I had to "liberate" a few slices from my little brother after he woke me up at the ass crack of 7 AM to jumpstart his car, the first day it was cold out.
This is at least my third time winning this year, and I think I've only eaten in restaurants like three times this year. I'm arguably the greatest citizen food journalist of all time, and in fact, if you Google greatest citizen food journalist of all time, my name comes up first, and the only other food writers whose names appear actually get paid to write about food.
White people have collectively decided that I can never get paid to do anything, but if I ever get on disability for what happened to my eye I might pull a Big Pun and start fuxxing with chain restaurants heavy.
November 26, 2013
This like the gay Madoff affair. I'm not even sure how to feel about it.
Two weeks ago, the story of a gay waitress who said she was refused a tip by a New Jersey couple went viral. But now, as with so many other viral stories, the account appears too good—or, in this case, awful—to be true: The couple has come forward with their copy of the receipt and their credit card statement as proof that the whole thing was a hoax.
November 25, 2013
On this stop of the Internets Celebrities new web series (The Food Warriors), Dallas and Rafi use their democratic powers to crowd source the BEST PLACE TO EAT near the West 4th Street A train station in New York City.
November 15, 2013
This serves the dual purpose of slandering religion and saving you a few dollars.
Any time you get a server who seems like they might be a homosexual, which is about 90% of the time if it's a guy, just write on the receipt that you refuse to leave a tip because you disagree with their lifestyle.
If you're black, they won't be surprised that you didn't leave a tip, because they're racist, and you probably didn't get very good service anyway.