ByronCrawford.com

This is what fatherlessness in the black community leads to

Ramen noodles still cost like $.10, right? (via)

Big Mac > Big Hardee

I saw a commercial the other day about how Hardees has a burger similar to the Big Mac but it has more meat and it costs less money. Of course I had to investigate.

I used to cop a Six Dollar Burger every now again, but it just so happens that I moved to where I have to drive past two McDonalds to get to a Hardees, and McDonalds started selling those Angus Third Pounders, which I like more than the third and half pound burgers at Hardees anyway. Hardees will often beat McDonalds on quantity or variety, but if you notice, pretty much everything at McDonalds tastes better than everything at Hardees.

In fact, that might be why Hardees introduced the Big Hardee in the first place. I saw that commercial the other day, and I was surprised at the extent to which they were going at the Big Mac. If it weren't for the FCC, the announcer probably would have been like, "Fuck the Big Mac!" Like Rob Base. I'm far too classy a gentleman to sweat how much a Big Mac costs (though you'd think it'd be closer in price to the $1 Big N' Tasty), but I've been wishing the Big Mac had more meat on it since I was like eight years old.

So I hit a Hardees a couple of hours ago and copped and a Big Hardee, and, wouldn't you know, it isn't nearly as good as a Big Mac. As the French would say, quelle surprise! It definitely does have more meat on it than a Big Mac, and that's the best part about it. But rather than the third pound patties they put on those thickburgers, it's the smaller ones they put on those budget thickburgers. They're about the same size as the patties on a Big Mac, but you get one extra piece of meat, instead of that bun in the middle.

The thing that really kills it is the shit they put on it. The special sauce doesn't taste anything like the special sauce on a Big Mac, i.e. crack in hamburger sauce form. Even the buns and the shredded lettuce, which vary that much from one restaurant to the next, didn't seem quite right to me. Maybe it's because I've been eating a Big Mac pretty much since I sprouted teeth, and my brain is just hardwired to expect a very particular taste. No fishsticks.

Finally, the Big Mac has been made into a burrito

Called the Big Mac Snack Wrap, they're currently testing it out in Canada, as if they should be the judge for what's suitable to eat here. I guess if it tastes like absolute, they don't have to worry about word getting out here in the States.

It looks like one of those things where it'd be hard to tell if it's any good, without actually trying it. I like burritos, and I like the Big Mac, but who knows if I'd like the two of them together. Pretty much everything McDonalds serves is crack, but this is a little bit out there.

Have any of you Canadians tried one of these?

Just What The World Needed, A Big Mac Burrito [The Consumerist]

And after the jump is a picture of a Big Mac Snack Wrap unrolled. It doesn't look very appetizing, but you know how most fast food doesn't look as good as it looks on TV.

Why are buns made of bread, anyway?

Why not just use two pieces of fried chicken?

Introducing the KFC Double Down Sandwich. Legendary Tumblr This Is Why You're Fat describes it as follows:

Two pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese smothered with the Colonel’s Sauce with two fried chicken patties as buns.

Notice how there's two different kinds of cheese. Classy.

Of course I'll be copping one of these from KFC on GP, but I might also try making my own, with a hamburger in between.

KFC Double Down Sandwich [TIWYF]

And after the jump is a commercial proving this is real. (via)

Bachelor Cooking 101 With Aria Giovanni - Fried Eggs

About to hop on the blogger's preferred mode of transportation - a bus. Catch you bitches on the flipside.

The funniest thing you'll read all day

It's called Yes, I Speak English, and I Have a Few Things to Get Off of My Chest, by The Hispanic Janitor at Your Work.

A brief excerpt, for your reading pleasure:

When you walk past me during my lunch break and I am enjoying a half dozen hard boiled eggs, please stop making jokes. Even though it is the official lunch time food of Mexico, it does not mean that "Mexicans f*cking love them". I know a few people that just think they're ok.

Roffle.

True story: This one place where I worked was cleaned overnight by a whole family of people - mom, dad, kids, uncles, cousins, etc. They'd show up at closing time with a cooler, with 2 liter bottles of soda and those Jack's pizzas they sell at Walgreens 4 for $10. One time I asked this white lady who worked there how they were eating those pizzas, when there was no oven, and she said they were microwaving them.

Checkit: Guest Column: from the Hispanic Janitor at Your Work [Holy Taco]

Dey Racis: Ghetto Baskets

Some enterprising hipster started a company that sells what they call a Ghetto Basket - a gift basket including such ghetto staples as hot sauce, a pregnancy test, grape drink (not to be confused with grape juice), batteries, beef jerky and potted meat. Though they warn on their site that contents of the baskets depend on their shaky contacts and what falls off of trucks in their neighborhood.

A suggested list of appropriate occasions for a Ghetto Basket.

• You just found out the baby isn’t yours
• A loved one was recently released from prison
• The tornado didn’t blow your trailer away
• Mom found her tooth
• You just got your GED
• Arbor Day

Supposedly, you really can buy one of these. There's a link on the site where you can send them $40 via PayPal. I'd consider having one sent somewhere, for shits and giggles, except I'm pretty sure I could make one even more offensive, for less money.

Checkit: Ghetto Baskets (via)

I was drinking wine before it was all trendy

Crab meats alert: About a minute and a half into the new Jay-Z video, he sips a glass of wine as if he's the only person in the hip-hop community to ever drink any wine that didn't taste like strawberries.

And who knows, he might be. Hip-hop is full of songs about drinking malt liquor, champagne, vodka and cognac, but you don't really hear much talk of wine-drinking. Lil Jon has his own wine that supposedly actually won an award, but he's secretly the son of two rocket scientists, so he doesn't really count.

If you know anything about these Jay-Z videos, you know he probably struck a deal with some company to have their wine featured, just like he did with Ace of Spades champagne in the first videos off Kingdom Come and American Gangster. In fact, don't be surprised if the bottle in this new video is from the same company that makes Ace of Spades.

Normally, this is the part where I get on Jay-Z for being such a shill, but at least this time it's wine he's shilling for. I wonder if he can turn it into an inexplicable trend, like he did with button down shirts, aka button ups. As Dallas Penn would say, I fucks with Yellow Tail hardbody. No Boutros.

Man Tip: Free KGC for the next two weeks

When I read just now on Twitter that KFC was giving away more Kentucky Grilled Chicken, I figured they might have been making up for having run out last week, like Popeyes should have done. Even though I didn't hear anything about KFC running out of Kentucky Grilled Chicken. (If it was fried, something tells me there would have been a scene like the one at Popeyes.) Turns out this is some other promotion, possibly involving Oprah.

Normally, I wouldn't want to give any Nah Right-style free publicity to any promotion involving Oprah. But free chicken is free chicken. Plus, I checked the fine print on the coupon, and it looks like this promotion is going on for the next two weeks. So, in theory, you could get a free meal from KFC every day from now until the 19th. Only thing is, you can only print the coupon off today. But I'm assuming you can just print off 14 copies of the coupon and use a different one every day.

The only snag I could see is if there's something unique about even coupon, but even that could probably be fixed with a little haX0ring. Unfortunately, I can't print off the coupon today, because my printer is still at my other place, and I can't drive for at least the rest of the week. So, I might need one of you to print off a copy, scan it and email it to me. Maybe I can talk my little brother into giving me a ride to KFC.

Checkit: Unthink KFC (via)

Reparations Fail: Popeyes runs out of chicken

Popeyes Chicken is gonna learn the hard way. You don't toy with black people's emotions.

You'll remember last week I mentioned how Popeyes had this deal where, for one day, you could get eight pieces of chicken for $4.99. I actually went myself (I know, shocker) and got there right when they ran out of chicken.

I joked that I peeled the fuck out before a riot broke out, but I wasn't really sure what was gonna happen. I was mostly in a rush to get myself some chicken from the grocery store, like I always do. If I was more of a journalist than a fat fuck, I would have stuck around and interviewed people.

In the clip below, the local news in Rochester, NY talk to a bunch of people who didn't make it in time to Popeyes Pay Day. Many of them claimed they weren't coming back, and I'd encourage them not to. At least not until Popeyes does something to make this right.

What they should do is give a free bucket of chicken to anyone who took time out of their (surely busy) day to take advantage of this promotion, only to find out they were out of chicken. But you know mad people who weren't even there use that as an opportunity to come up on some free chicken.

At the very least, they should have another Popeyes Pay Day and make sure have enough chicken.