June 12, 2014
In my latest post for Medium, below, I break down the beef between Chuck D and Peter Rosenberg, the ongoing debate about culture vultures in hip-hop and how Hot 97 fits into all this. You might want to read it even if you already know the answer. Click through, have a look and then recommend. Sign up for Medium using your Twitter account, if you haven't already.
May 26, 2014
If Elliot Rodger hadn't crashed his BMW into a parked car and then got shot by the police, he would have been rolling in pussy.
Sure, he would have spent the rest of his life in prison, but I think you can still bang chicks in prison in California. Charles Manson's weed carrier Tex Watkins(?) fathered several children from inside the pokey.
Click through to see where Alex Jones has screencapped girls on Twitter talking about how "cute" Elliot Rodger was and then below check out a post I wrote for Medium on Rap Genius' attempt to capitalize on the manifesto he left.
May 19, 2014
I wrote this today while I was waiting for this site to recover from the latest in its series of weekly DDoS attacks, which is only costing me the money I use to not starve to death and will probably cause me to have to find something else to do.
Click through, read and then click the recommend button at the bottom, to make sure everyone else has to read it. Sign up for Medium using your Twitter account if you haven't already. It's only a one- or two-click process, IIRC.
May 12, 2014
Not only would Jay-Z be in jail right now if he put a shoe on Solange Knowles, as someone should, he'd be in jail right now if she put a shoe on him -- which she did -- and it wasn't caught on video.
If all that happened was that she swung on him and attempted to pull a Chun-Li on his camel-like face, he did what he could to avoid having to knock her right the fuck out, and the two of them emerged from the elevator looking like they'd been in a physical confrontation, there's no way Jay-Z could have convinced the media, 5-0, and perhaps most importantly, Black People Twitter, that she was the one who beat him up, and all he did was try to defend himself.
If Beyoncé had corroborated his story, it would have been viewed as a battered wife sticking up for her abuser, just like on an episode of COPS. It would have confirmed everything that "respected feminist scholar" bell hooks has long suspected about Beyoncé. The BeyHive would have gone nuts. Tumblr would have collapsed under the weight of enraged, already crazy Beyoncé stans planning Cho Seung-Hui-style attacks on Roc Nation's headquarters.
Jay-Z would have been carted off to jail right alongside Chris Brown, and imagine how awkward that would have been. Jay-Z tried to sabotage Chris Brown's career by having him banned from the BET Awards -- the Black People Twitter equivalent of the Nobel Prize -- after Brown did to Rihanna what Solange tried to do to Jay-Z. If the two of them had been placed in the same cell together, it would have been all over for Jay-Z. I don't care how many Tae Bo classes he's taken.
If I were Jay-Z, I'd seriously consider taking a second look at my relationship with Beyoncé. It might be time for him to cut his losses. Yeah, she's got a lot of money, but it's not like he gets any of that money if they break up. He has to pay her. He even has to pay her father, in a deal that was hammered out before Matthew Knowles knocked up one of his side pieces and as a result stopped receiving 15% of Beyoncé's checks. I can't imagine he's hurting for money even now, and truth be told, the upgrade from Beyoncé's mother may have been worth it, depending on what the side piece looked like. Anyway, it was new, and that always has a certain appeal.
I don't know if I could look at my wife the same way, after her sister tried to assassinate me in an elevator. Even the slightest family resemblance, I imagine, might make for an interesting time in the bedroom, but still I'm not sure if it would be worth it. Well, maybe once... but definitely not long term. After you're done choking her out while beating it up and then finishing on one of her wigs, you just can't feel safe sleeping in the same room with her. What if that aggression runs in the family? Remember, that football player got killed taking a nap in an apartment he was renting for some crazy Arab broad. (It would be racist to suggest that there aren't other kinds.)
Beyoncé was in the elevator when Solange was trying to kill Jay-Z, and she didn't seem to be doing very much if anything to try to stop her. That's one of those things you have to watch for in a relationship. If someone was trying to kill me, would this bitch so much as lift a finger? Yeah, Solange is Beyoncé's little sister, but Jay-Z is both the father of her child and probably the one cutting the rent checks for their apartment, even though she makes more money than he does. That's why so many black chicks are raising kids alone: they have no respect for those kids' fathers -- even before the fathers turned tail and skedaddled. They're probably safer, wherever they are.
Solange may have been distraught at the fact that it was Mother's Day -- or Mother's Day weekend, I'm not sure when exactly this incident took place -- and she was celebrating by tagging along with Jay-Z and Beyoncé to places where she wouldn't have been invited otherwise. As much money as some guy could probably pilfer from Jay-Z by moving in with Solange and her bastard child, that's the best she could come up with. The child's father, who married a high school-age Solange after knocking her up, Coal Miner's Daughter-style, because that's probably still the law down in Texas, has been out of the picture for some time now, and in light of recent events, he doesn't have to explain why.
I generally try to avoid being around single mothers, as a rule, for the sake psychological decorum, but certainly you don't want to be around a single mother on a family-related holiday. She's already prone to violence, statistically speaking, and being reminded of her inability to maintain a relationship with her child's father, and the tragedy that's sure to result, is likely to set her off. That seems obvious to me, but you can't blame Jay-Z for not coming to that realization. He's too busy counting his money to develop these webs of conspiracy. At least he could afford to have security there with him. I would have been left with no choice but to tap Solange's chin (no Boutros), as a precaution. These days you can't be too safe. Girl fights are getting more and more vicious. You could get hit in the head with a shovel. And just try citing a World Star video in a court room.
Really, this is not the worst thing that could have happened to Jay-Z. I doubt he wanted to hang out with Solange anyway, because Solange. Now he's got an excuse. No more Solange showing up to parties at his house eating up all the shrimp, no more Solange tagging along with him to events as if that's his daughter from back when he used to sell crack, no more arguing about having to listen to Grizzly Bear in the car. Certainly, no money should flow from Jay-Z's bank account to Solange's pocket ever again. (Really, it shouldn't have in the first place.) A restraining order might be necessary, to keep her from within dropkick distance. If Beyoncé has a problem with that, again, it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. The restraining could come in hany in divorce proceedings. If Beyoncé brings Solange around Jay-Z and the kid, I'd say that should void any pre-up.
February 12, 2014
Should it really count as theft, it it kinda looks like one of those gift cards, and the lady kept dropping it, suggesting that she would have lost it anyway?
The latter actually seems like a somewhat compelling argument. If the lady dropped the card, and you picked it up, that means you found it in a sense. That's not really the same thing as stealing.
If you found a ham sandwich and ate it rather than trying to track down the person who lost a ham sandwich, does that count as a theft, or a come-up? The person probably wouldn't have come looking for that sandwich anyway, because if you lose a ham sandwich you should probably just get another ham sandwich.
You don't know what happened to that sandwich in the interim. A fly could have landed on it.
Similarly, if you drop your credit card in the airport, there's no point in going back through the airport trying to find it. If you're an Arab, they might think you're with the terrorists, lingering for so long and looking suspicious.
I know you can't just leave a bag sitting somewhere in the airport and expect to come back and find it later. Because it could be a bomb. You can hardly get up and take a piss without someone thinking you planted a suspicious package.
If you're traveling alone, you gotta find someone to keep an eye on your bag while you go take a piss. But you can't ask just anyone. Old women, who don't have shit else better to do than sit around and develop webs of conspiracy, because their vagines have dried up, are out of the question.
If you're black, you should probably find another black person, but obviously not just any black person. If they look like they might could get a job at the airport, I wouldn't trust them any farther than I could throw them. What are they doing in an airport anyway? Probably being extradited.
Clearly, taking your bag into the restroom with you, where it might get piss on it, is out of the question. Senators fuck in those airport restrooms.
The chick checking bags at the airport probably figured the lady would eventually report her credit card as lost, and the company would just send her a new one. She wouldn't even have to pay for any of the charges made on it while it was out of her possession. This wouldn't have cost her anything. She would have lost the card anyway, because she kept dropping it.
When a credit card company covers any charges made on your card while it's lost, or due to identity theft, it's not like they're doing you a favor. They're paying for that merchandise out of the money they charge you out the ass each month. If you don't lose your credit card every now and again, you're basically being charged out the ass for nothing. And it's not like they wouldn't still charge you, if there was no such thing as identity theft.
I'd almost suggest going out and buying $1,000 worth of shit at Tar-jay and then calling your card in as stolen every now and again, just to make sure you're getting your money's worth. I only hesitate because I'm not sure how you'd go about getting away with it, and it's probably illegal to suggest that someone do something that doesn't benefit a credit card company, on the Internets. I'm not sure about all the laws, because I was pre-med.
Target doesn't have to sweat who actually owns the credit cards used in its stores, and in fact, I'm at a loss for how they ended up calling the cops on this chick just because she bought $1,000 worth of shit and then the card was declined. Maybe the card had a $1,000 limit: It was a Hoodrat Special. Is it not legal for black women to spend $1,000 at Tar-jay?
Obviously Tar-jay is not that vigilant about maintaining the safety of its payment systems, if they recently lost card numbers for seemingly everyone who ever shopped there. I haven't bought anything from anywhere other than the gas station ($10 at a time, natch) and the grocery store since I was a teenager, and they probably got my shit.
And what's the likelihood that it was a black chick who pulled that shit off? I'll answer that for you. Zero percent likelihood. They should have elderly people standing at the door checking for Russian accents. Meanwhile, they should be glad to see a black chick with a credit card, regardless of whose card that is.
Arguably, the chick working at the airport is the victim and the rest of these people are guilty. I rest on your face.