ByronCrawford.com

Giada De Laurentiis is the hottest chef

According to Last Week's Poll
I can be so oblivious at times. For example, I must have seen Giada De Laurentiis' show on the Food Network like 10 times before I realized her cleavage was the show's main focus.

I mean, obviously it was the main focus, if I was watching. But I didn't realize she was making a conscious effort to have her cans on display like that. I figured she may have worn a top that was a bit more low cut than she realized, and later she'd watch and be like, "Damn, my cans were damn near falling out of my shirt."

But then I'd watch again and again (natch), and it'd be the same shit. Which makes you wonder if the whole cleavage thing was her idea, or if her producers put her up to it. It was probably the former, right? Because it doesn't seem like the Food Network has much in the way of standards, as far as the quality of its female hosts. For every Giada De Laurentiis, there's a Paula Deen (yikes!).

Last week's poll had to do with who is the hottest chef. Check the results.

Hottest chef?

1. Giada Delaurentis (31.5%)
2. Aria Giovanni (31.2%)
3. Nigella Lawson (20.0%)
4. Rachel Ray (17.3%)

Total Votes: 686

Personally, I was torn between Giada De Laurentiis and Nigella Lawson. I voted for De Laurentiis, but then I conducted some YouTube research on Nigella Lawson, and I think I may have enjoyed it more than I've enjoyed any episode of Everyday Italian. Which is not to say that Nigella Lawson is a better-looking woman than Giada De Laurentiis. It's just that a) her show obviously dispenses with the notion that it's about anything other than pitching a tent, and b) she's got bigger cans. And you know how sheer volume sometimes trumps everything, regardless of whether or not it should.

After the jump is an important video of Nigella Lawson.

Marital rape shouldn't be legal in Afghanistan

According to Last Week's Poll
I guess the US made the mistake of allowing Afghanistan to make it's own laws, and the first thing they did is legalize marital rape, i.e. a man's right to enjoy sexy time with his wife, regardless of whether or not she wants to.

At least they didn't pass any laws that might have a harmful effect on us here in the US, though I'm sure the military, or whoever's really in charge over there, wouldn't have stood for that. But it just goes to show what's wrong with that part of the world. More so than anything else, those guys could probably just use some stank on their hanglow.

It's hard enough not being able to enjoy sexy time with a woman whenever you like here in the US, where you can just go to the mall and see teenage girls with incredible bodies (and if you notice, only teenage girls have incredible bodies these days - no R. Kelly) walking around dressed as if they're streetwalkers. In Afghanistan, all of the women are walking around in those beekeeper suits. Who knows how long a man might go between seeing a decent set of cans. And you can see why a man might be especially eager to have sex with his own wife.

Last week's poll had to do with whether or not marital rape should be legal in Afghanistan. Check the results.

Should "marital rape" be legal in Afghanistan?

1. No (77.7%)
2. Yes (22.3%)

Total Votes: 403

A few days into last week's poll, it was suggested that people might not have any idea what's meant by the term marital rape. I think people were expecting the results to be a lot more evenly split than they were.

Indeed, I'm not really sure what the legal definition of marital rape is. (Remember, I was pre-med.) You know how it is with these bullshit forms of rape. Getting beaten and having some guy force himself on you in a back alley is one thing, but having sex with some guy because you were too drunk to remember whether or not you wanted to continue stringing him along is another thing entirely. I'm not sure where having sex with your spouse when you don't want to would fall along that spectrum. And the thing is, we don't really know how sex within a marriage is viewed in Afghanistan. It could be that women there don't view sex as a tool with which to break a man down emotionally, and hence that's why there wasn't as much opposition to this law as there would have been here in the US. I'm just saying.

Eminem is more relevant than Asher Roth

According to Last Week's Poll
Wouldn't you know, the end of this poll just so happens to coincide with the release of Asher Roth's Asleep in the Bread Aisle. Sometimes I plan these things that way, but this was just a pure matter of coincidence. I'd heard that Asher Roth song about how people need to stop comparing him to Emimen while I was on my way home from eating free school fundraiser pizza at my parents' house, and I figured I'd do a post on it the following Monday, if I remembered. It would save me from having to come up with another idea. I'm not always at my best on a Monday morning.

You have to understand, when I came up with the idea for this poll, that same morning, it was before I had a chance to listen to Asleep in the Bread Aisle, and after Eminem dropped the lame-ass video for "We Made You." It looked like Asher Roth might be ascendant, and Eminem might be... you know, the opposite. His single was even beating Eminem's single on iTunes.

Last week's poll had to do with who is more relevant at this point, Eminem or Asher Roth. Check the results.

More relevant at this point?

1. Eminem (67.2%)
2. Asher Roth (32.8%)

Total Votes: 436

I didn't bother keeping track, but I do seem to recall Asher Roth doing better in this poll earlier in the week, before word began to spread about Asleep in the Bread Aisle. If it would have occurred to me, I would have paid close attention, to see if negative reviews of his album might be affecting his buzz leading up to his release date. It just goes to show how quickly trends can develop these days. You take a few days off to bait pr0n stars on Twitter, and the entire landscape shifts beneath your feet.

Christina Hendricks is the best redhead evar

According to Last Week's Poll
There isn't anything quite like a redhead, is there?

Not to let you in on more than you need to know about me... but I especially like pr0n with a redheaded woman, when she's espeically into it, i.e. not just going through the motions, and she gets that full body blush that begins in the face and sort of emanates down throughout her neck and her upper torso. It's fantastic. And it's the kind of shit you just don't see as much with a regular white chick, let alone a black chick, or... you know, some other kind of woman. (God forbid.) They just aren't pale enough.

If there's a knock against redheaded women, it's that they seem to be either very beautiful or downright hideous. Last week's poll had to do with two women who fall into the former category. Check the results.

Best redhead evar?

1. Christina Hendricks (54.4%)
2. Faye Reagan (45.6%)

Total Votes: 342

I love it when a poll is this close. Faye Reagan jumped out in the lead right there at the beginning, probably because this site attracts a lot of the kind of people who are familiar with her work and hence know she should have won this poll. Then as the week went on, it drew closer. A lot of people who probably aren't as into pr0n voted, and I noticed some people were complaining about the pic of her I used. Which is ironic, since I fucking love that picture of Faye Reagan. I actually thought the one I used of Christina Hendricks wasn't a very good shot. I wanted to use this one, but it wouldn't fit the poll very well. It was kinda oblong.

Anyway, as you can see in that pic, there's a pretty strong case to be made for Christina Hendricks in general, not just in this poll. I even considered going back and changing my own vote on the basis of pictures like that, of which there seem to be so many on the Internets, and on the basis of Mad Men, i.e. the best showe evar that's not on HBO. The reason I stuck with Faye Reagan is because she's in pr0n, and at the end of the day I like a woman more if she's in pr0n. I feel like I get to know them that much better. The only way I could get to know them any better is if I banged them myselves, and that's just not very realistic. At least not at this income level.

All of the rap magazines are going out of business

According to Last Week's Poll
I never got around to it at the time, but after I did that post here a few weeks ago about how URB magazine was going out of business, the guy who owns it sent me this email saying they definitely weren't going out of business and running down his list of accomplishments over the years.

I think he wanted me to post it here, but I never got around to it. It ended up getting lost in the daily deluge of emails from bum-ass rappers and what have you, and I didn't care enough to search for it. Also, as I recall, there wasn't anything in it to suggest that URB's financial situation is such that it's immune from going out of business.

I suppose there's the fact that only like two people work there. I don't know very much at all about the economics of the magazine business, but I can't imagine it would be too difficult to pay two people. Even if you're like Vibe magazine, and you only manage to sell two ads for an entire month, that's still one ad per employee.

Which I'm sure would be plenty. I happen to know, because I've read it on a number of occasions, that ads in magazines cost way more than the ads here on the Internets. That's because the fact that they cost $4 ensures that only the smartest people are still reading magazines at this point. Whereas the Internets are filled with brothers such as myself.

Last week's poll had to do with which rap magazine will be the next to go out of business. Check the results.

Which will be next to go out of business?

1. URB (41.8%)
2. The Source (29.1%)
3. Complex (11.2%)
4. Vibe (10.5%)
5. XXL (7.3%)

Total Votes: 409

I can't help but think that the results of this poll have been skewed by the fact that a) I already did a post here on the fact that URB might go out of business; and b) The Source has been dealing with quality issues for, well, pretty much my entire adult life at this point. If I had to rank these magazines in order of which is most likely to go out of business, it wouldn't have resembled the results of this poll.

As I was telling a guy the other day, The Source might be in the best position of any of these magazines, since it's basically a vanity operation at this point. A lot of these plutocrats like to cop magazines and newspapers just to use them as a talking point with women. At one point, a Mexican was even about to buy the New York Times. He must have settled for a yacht with woman painted on the side of it.

Magazines like Vibe and XXL, on the other hand, are owned by groups of TIs, who of course are gonna insist on making a profit. You saw what happened with Vibe. One bad month, and now everyone who works there had to take a substantial pay cut just so they could afford to print the magazine. The TIs who own XXL, meanwhile, decided to just get rid of King magazine altogether. None of that Fridays off bullshit.

Complex might be in the worst position of any of these magazines. It would fall into the first category, i.e. essentially a vanity operation, except for the fact that I read on Gawker recently that the guy who runs it is having some serious money problems. He's got the kind of debt problem you can only get when you're white and/or not Bol.

One time, a few years ago, my my computer busted and I didn't have any money, so I figured I'd buy a new one on credit from Best Buy. I found one that was about $700 and went to check out, but come to find out, I wasn't "worthy." So I ended up just having to semi-retire for a few weeks. And that was back during the height of the economy. I shudder to think what my worthiness must be at this point.

Meghan McCain > Khloe Kardashian

According to Last Week's Poll
The other day, I stumbled upon the picture, above right, of Khloe Kardashian at an event all hugged up with Young Jeezy, as if Jeezy was about to get his Ray J on.

It was obvious to me what was going on. None of the Kardashian sisters are particularly thin, but Khloe is a bit too chubby to appear in any magazines white people read. There's only so much you can do with Photoshop. So they're gonna have her date Young Jeezy, or one of these other rappers, and maybe she can get in Hip Hop Weekly or some shit. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes over quite well with the hip-hop community. You know a lot of us like a woman with a little extra baggage.

Speaking of which, you guys know I caught Meghan McCain on an episode of the Rachel Maddow Show recently, and I got a little bit excited. I mentioned on Twitter that I could use her a little bit less chubby, and the next thing you know everyone was talking about the fact that she could stand to lose a few pounds. Not that I wouldn't take her Billy Joel-style, i.e. just the way she is. I'm just saying.

Last week's poll had to do with which one you'd rather bang, Khloe Kardashian or Meghan McCain. Check the results.

Which would you rather bang?

1. Meghan McCain (71.6%)
2. Khloe Kardashian (28.4%)

Total Votes: 380

I was surprised to see Khloe Kardashian get whomped by Meghan McCain the way she did. I don't know if it was my cosign or what. After all, Khloe Kardashian has been cosigned (amongst other things) by Young Jeezy.

It just goes to show a couple of things. First of all (and perhaps obviously), Bol > Young Jeezy. Second, and this one's for the ladies, I think this proves once and for all that there coud be a future in getting with Bol. As my former colleague Sickamore likes to say, I could make you famous.

Don't let me find out there's a fourth Kardashian sister that's even worse-looking.

Popeyes > KFC

According to Last Week's Poll
In the new series of videos he's posting on Twitter, Diddy has taken a cue from XXL's blog Tha Office, seeking to determine once and for all whether or not anyone remembers Naughty by Nature which is better, KFC or Popeyes.

There's this video of him conducting a sort of Pepsi challenge between the two of them. He eats some KFC, then some Popeyes, but he can't decide which is best - though he says one place has better mashed potatoes. Then he puts it to the thousands of people who follow him on Twitter to decide.

I'd figured I'd aid him in his study by making it the topic of last week's poll. Check the results.

From Diddy's Twitter (nullus): Which is better?

1. Popeyes (55.1%)
2. KFC (44.9%)

Total Votes: 301

I think I voted for KFC, but I can't even remember if I actually voted. I could pretty much go either way. No homo.

I've eaten at KFC way more than I've eaten at Popeyes, but not necessarily because I'm a huge fan of KFC. (Of course, I'm a huge fan of fried chicken.) It's just convenient. You only really find Popeyes in the ghetto. And here in the Midwest, the ghetto is not just a place with cheap rent where lots of teh ghey people and guys in indie rock bands live. You could fuck around and get shot trying to get some Popeyes.

When I was in college, I used to eat at an all you can eat KFC on Sunday nights, when the cafeteria in the dorms was closed. One of the many perks of going to a college that was 95% white (and 99% non-black, if you don't count the kids they imported from Africa to juice the stats) was that they pretty much gave away fried chicken. KFC would never cop to this, but they've got some sort of policy where they won't open an all you can eat restaurant in an area with too many black people. Obama should have someone look into that.

Rihanna should drop Chris Brown

According to Last Week's Poll
I decided to make last week's poll about whether or not Rihanna should stick with Chris Brown, and the next thing you know, everyone's weighing in with their opinion. Coincidence?

Oprah Winfrey (negro woman of the South), who was once forced to smoke crack, devoted an entire episode to the Rumble in the Lambo, from what I understand. I only heard the soundbite of her saying that if Chris Brown kicked the shit out of her once, he'll do it again. I've also seen comments from Donald Trump, Dr. Phil, and the token black guy who does the op-ed in the Post-Dispatch on Sunday, and it's not like I was looking or anything.

Check the results of last week's poll.

Should Rihanna get back with Chris Brown?

1. No (67.0%)
2. Yes (33.0%)

Total Votes: 294

I was planning on voting no myself, just because I find it unfortunate whenever a fine woman like Rihanna deals with all sorts of abuse from a guy like Chris Brown when she could just as easily get with a brother such as myself, but then I caught a clip of Diddy on the Ellen Degeneres show the other day, and I'm not sure what to think.

Ellen was trying to grill Diddy about letting them use his house down in Florida, so Chris could get some of that make-up pussy. Diddy was trying to make it clear that he doesn't condone putting your shoe on a woman, and that he wasn't necessarily trying to facilitate the two of them getting back together, so Chris could give her another black eye. He just thought his crib might be a good place for the two of them to get their shit together.

It was obvious to me though that Diddy sided with Chris Brown in this matter, and that he loaned Chris his crib for the purposes of trying to win back Rihanna. If I had a fly crib like that, and a friend of mine kicked the shit out of his wife, but I knew it wasn't his fault, I might loan him my place for the weekend. Women tend to be turned on by very nice things.

I'm not saying Diddy definitely did the right thing in this situation. I'm just saying. If Diddy wants to let someone use his house for the weekend, he should be able to without having to answer to Ellen Degeneres, who's probably less concerned with whether or not Rihanna gets beat up than she is with the fact that Rihanna gets with guys in the first place.

In general, all of these people telling Rihanna she needs to drop Chris Brown like a bad habit are starting to remind me of when people were trying to tell J-Lo she needed to drop Diddy, back when Shyne's dumbass shot up the club. As if it was Diddy himself who shot up the club. But obviously the issue was that a lot of hispanic people are racist, and they didn't like the idea of one of their finest women having sex for 36 hours at a time with Diddy.

Rihanna's probably got a lot of people in her ear right now telling her to drop Chris Brown and get with an actual white dude. If she does, don't be surprised if they make a movie out of it, just like they did with Ike and Tina Turner.

For all we know, Tina might have hit first, too.

RapRadar will fail miserably

According to Last Week's Poll
My old boss Elliott Wilson's new site RapRadar was supposed to have launched today, but as of 2 p.m. central time, i.e. the new 9 a.m., it's nowhere to be found. The fuck?

As I mentioned in a post here a while back, it's not like it takes a whole lot to get a blog up and running. I could start a new blog on my lunch break at the BGM, using my cell phone, and I don't even have one of those smart phones. And based on the exclusive preview posted to Miss Info's site the other day (that's where I got that picture), they've obviously finished working on a custom design.

Could it be that Elliott saw the results of last week's poll and had second thoughts? Last week's poll had to do with whether or not RapRadar will fail miserably. Check the results.

Will RapRadar fail miserably?

1. Yes (84.4%)
2. No (15.6%)

Total Votes: 326

It's the rare occasion when you see the results of a poll on this site so one-sided. Even polls where you'd expect the vote to be split along gender lines tend to be more evenly split, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure this site's readership skews male. Nullus. But the consensus seems to be that RapRadar isn't gonna do very well at all.

Of course, I didn't specify what I meant by fail miserably. I'm assuming most people took it to mean that the site's not gonna come to dominate the hip-hop blogosphere, the way Perez Hilton has gossip blogs. People who normally check site, or Nah Right, or whatever other hip-hop blogs there are these days (who gives a shit, right?), aren't gonna up and abandon their usual haunts in favor of RapRadar.

I'm actually more interested to see how RapRadar does business-wise. Since Eminem's manager Paul Rosenberg owns RapRadar, I wouldn't be surprised if they've got some sort of special deal where a lot of these labels' advertising budgets are funneled right into RapRadar. Especially Interscope. Just like they used to do with XXL, back when Eminem was beefing with The Source.

Only thing is, I'm not even sure how much money labels are spending on ads these days. Of course, you'd never see any relevant ads on this site, unless you just so happened to be in the market for some viagra, but even on some of these other sites, all you see is ads for shit like McDonalds.

R. Kelly is worse than Chris Brown

According to Last Week's Poll
So, I guess this means Rihanna really did give Chris Brown herpes, aka the stanky lip.

I figured she might want to get back with him, after he put his shoe on her, because he's tall and light skinted and such a good dancer. But I figured there was no way her handlers would let her play herself like that.

How are we supposed to take Rihanna seriously, now that she's back with Chris Brown. Not that I took her very seriously to begin with. I'm just saying. If she gets her ass whooped again, that's on her.

I don't care if she did give him herpes. I once got a cold sore (but not the kind of herpes that doesn't go away) from a stripper. You don't see me over on the East Side trying to cause trouble. I could fuck around and get my legs broken.

Last week's poll had to do with who should be more of a pariah, Chris Brown or R. Kelly. Check the results.

Who should be more of a pariah?

1. R. Kelly (56.4%)
2. Chris Brown (43.6%)

Total Votes: 376

I thought for certain Chris Brown was gonna run away with this poll. Not only was what he did worse than what R. Kelly did, but it was also more recent.

Yeah, R. Kelly probably peed on more 15 year-old black chicks than we'll ever know. But it's not like he beat them up or anything. That would just be wrong. A woman is not as powerful as a man, and hence it's just not fair when a woman gets beat up, as it is when a man gets the crapped kicked out of him.

There isn't even a special term when a guy gets beat up by another guy. You just got knocked right the fuck out.

But I digress.

If those girls wanted to get peed on, that's their problem. You could probably argue that they should have been a bit older, and I'm not gonna disagree. You're not gonna catch Bol peeing on any girls anyway, because that's just not my m.o. Nhjic. But if I did - like, if a girl just begged me to do it, I'd make sure she was old enough to get peed on legally.

Lord knows I've got enough problems.