ByronCrawford.com

Ironman vs. Only Built 4 Cuban Linx

It wouldn't be a Wednesday, or whatever day this is, without taking a look at two important albums and showing you why one is definitely better than the other one.

I wanted to take a look at Biggie's Ready to Die vs. Life After Death, but damnit if I couldn't find my copy of Life After Death, which I haven't listened to regularly in ages. Ready to Die, meanwhile, never manages to leave my rotation for more than a few months at a time.

That'll have to wait until next week, or two years from now. In the meantime, we'll be taking a look at Ghostface Killah's Ironman and Raekwon's Only Built 4 Cuban Linx. This should be interesting since Ghostface's new album comes out this month and the sequel to OB4CL supposedly should be out later this year.

Interestingly enough, the Raekwon album is considered arguably the best album ever, while the Ghostface album doesn't seem to be as popular as many of his subsequent albums, though it may have sold more copies at the time.

Which one of these is the better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Arular vs. Live Through This

In honor of International Women's Day, one of my personal favorite holidays, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at the two most critically acclaimed albums ever released by women[1].

Also, later on tonight I may be donating money to some young women's college careers.

Loved though they were by the critical establishment, both of these albums have their share of detractors, which may or may not be due to rampant sexism in the music industry.

For example, it's been claimed that both of Courtney Love's good albums were secretly written by men (in exchange for sex) - Billy Corgan, and, in this case, the late, great Kurt Cobain. Many people claim that MIA's Arular is a grating piece of shit.

That said, which one of these is the better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Late Registration vs. Purple Haze

Kanye West's Late Registration and Cam'ron's Purple Haze, which I featured in an album deathmatch last week, are two of the more critically acclaimed rap albums released in the last year or so.

Late Registration in particular could very well be the most ridonkulously overpraised album in the history of rap music. The Cam'ron album, though it wasn't nominated for 14 Grammys or whatever, was well-received in hipster circles.

Obviously, the one was a lot more commercially successful than the other, which is interesting considering they were released by the same label, but which one is actually the better album?

Purple Haze vs. The B.Coming

It's been quite some time since I did one of these. What can I say? I'm a lazy bastard. If you're not familiar with how this works, you might want to check out some of my other Album Deathmatches.

Cam'ron's Purple Haze and Beanie Sigel's The B.Coming are two of the most critically acclaimed (by hipsters) rap albums released in the last year or so. In fact, they were two of the very few (like 5, maybe) albums to make Pitchfork's list of the top 50 albums of 2005.

Did you know that some random ass song from a Clipse mixtape was the third best single released all last year? It's even better than the Futureheads' version of "Hounds of Love." Really[1].

I'd be lying if I said I listen to either of these very often, but I happened to be listening to the Beanie Sigel earlier today and realized it was somewhat better than I remembered it, so I figured it might be interesting to take a look at it.

The Blueprint vs. No Jacket Required

Honestly, I was more jazzed to do this album deathmatch before I actually listened to both of these albums and realized I didn't really care for either of them.

Jay-Z's The Blueprint hardly needs any introduction, especially on the Internets where it's considered one of the greatest albums of all time. I'm not saying it's not one of the greatest albums of its era, but it's that I find that whole era to be fucking teh ghey. I'm sorry if you were born in like 1988 and this was your introduction to hip-hop. You missed the best days, and they'll never be back. Go get a Fall out Boy CD or some shit.

Speaking of which, No Jacket Required was released the same year as the infamous Knee Deep in the Hoopla by Starship and also, IIRC, the first Sting solo album. Along with Paul Simon's Graceland album (which may have come along a little bit later), this was one of the most ubiquitous albums of that era. If you were around at all during this period, you fucking know this album.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Funeral vs. Jimmy Eat World

I would describe what the fuck happened last night and this morning, but honestly I'm not even sure myself. Anyway, it's Wednesday or whatever, which means there should be an album deathmatch.

Funeral by The Arcade Fire hardly needs any introduction. Since receiving a glowing review in Internets music site Pitchfork last fall, they've gone on to be probably as big as you can possibly be without actually selling very many albums, including being featured on the cover of the New York Times (which just doesn't happen) and opening for U2. I don't even think the Pixies ever got to that level, and they were endorsed by Kurt Cobain.

Jimmy Eat World is probably as good an example of a group that didn't get that kind of support from the Internets Pitchfork community. I can't say for sure, because I don't really follow these things, but I think this album may have been viewed as a huge sellout move, epecially among emo types, many of whom consider their first or second album Clarity to be the best album in the history of music. But then this was ridonkulously popular back when I was like a junior in college.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Purple Rain vs. The Bends

Man, I woke up expecting to do something on krispexgate, but all I really had was an inbox full of letters from half his colleagues big upping me on that shit, and I don't want to put anybody's shit out there like that. So let's do an album deathmatch instead!

Purple Rain really shouldn't need any introduction, but - since I know this site happens to be trafficked by a lot of young kids and other cultural illiterates - this was the soundtrack to the film of the same name, which sort of launched Prince into the pop stratosphere back in the mid '80s along with the likes of Jacko and Madonna. Some people will tell you that the movie is the worst thing ever, but it's actually the best thing ever. Roger Ebert even once famously called it the Citizen Kane of rock films. This soundtrack album is widely considered one of the best albums of the '80s.

Some people will tell you to this day that The Bends was the best Radiohead album, though I find that you can make a pretty compelling case for any Radiohead album (yes, even Pablo Honey) being the best one ever. At any rate, this one is forking awesome. There's no way you couldn't have watched any episode of The Real World going all the way back to like Miami up through Hawaii and not heard at least one song from this. Of course, that was before MTV started taking money from labels to have music featured in their shows.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Street's Disciple vs. Tango in the Night

After that last Album Deathmatch I did, I got a lot of people trying to suggest possible future deathmatches, which was cool, but I think this'll be more interesting if we stick to some sort of theme. Otherwise, we're just comparing two random albums that don't have anything to do with one another, which would just be asinine.

When Fleetwood Mac dropped Rumours back in 1977, they were on top of the world. They were sniffing blow as fast as they could get it from their dealer, Milt. Lindsey Buckingham was choking back the urge daily to put a shoe on Stevie Nicks, who, if I'm not mistaken, was fucking the old dude. Either way, let's just say that old motherfucker was getting around.

Fast forward 10 years later to 1987 and all that coke sniffing was obviously starting to catch up. Milt got locked up and ended up discovering Jesus. The surprisingly virile old dude was off somehwere banging hookers left and right, and Lindsey Buckingham ended up chasing Stevie Nicks down the street and throwing her into a car, which, if I'm not mistaken, happened shortly after this album was released.

Nas' story is pretty well known at this point. In 1994, he came out with Illmatic, which was pretty good if not the hip-hop bible people want it to be. Then he started working with the Trackmasters and putting out shitty albums and Jay-Z fucked his wife and they had their little thing and so on and so forth. Last year, he married the psycho hose beast and closeted lesbian Kelis and wrote a bunch of songs about it.

The Woods vs. Don't Be Cruel

Though it hasn't been much of a hit among the kind of culturally illiterate ignorant jig assholes who frequent the comments section these days (some of whom have never even heard - get that, heard - of the Gin Blossoms), my new album deathmatch series continues today with a matchup that should be very popular among both women and black people, because you guys know I'm all about diversity.

Sleater-Kinney's The Woods is, almost by default, the greatest rock album ever released by a woman's group. In fact, unless I'm forgetting something, the only thing that really comes close is their 2002 release, One Beat, which was pretty dang awesome itself, but also hinted that they could do something even greater, still.

(Also, keep in mind that I'm not counting groups like Sonic Youth or, shit, Fleetwood Mac even, which were compromised by the fact that they also counted men among their ranks.)

Released in 1988, Bobby Brown's Don't Be Cruel ended up being the last R&B album worth listening to. I mean, the Chocolate Factory (the only other one I've heard in ages anyway) had its moments, but let's face it: The party's been over now for quite some time. Don't even get me started about so-called neo soul.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Illmatic vs. New Miserable Experience

Today my controversial new album deathmatch series continues with two albums that I've heard more times than you've heard your favorite album. Because you lack my level of dedication.

One of the greatest rock albums in the history of the genre, the Gin Blossoms' New Miserable Experience is severely underrated by the primarily fashion-oriented white music community, in favor of garbage like Everybody Clap Your Hands and "Annie."

People who get all of their news from The Source consider Illmatic the greatest hip-hop album of all time. I don't know that it is, but it's certainly on the list.They're also highly disrespectful of their hispanic female coworkers, because it's a known fact that magazine reading is directly related to sexual behavior in the workplace.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.