Not only would Jay-Z be in jail right now if he put a shoe on Solange Knowles, as someone should, he'd be in jail right now if she put a shoe on him -- which she did -- and it wasn't caught on video.
If all that happened was that she swung on him and attempted to pull a Chun-Li on his camel-like face, he did what he could to avoid having to knock her right the fuck out, and the two of them emerged from the elevator looking like they'd been in a physical confrontation, there's no way Jay-Z could have convinced the media, 5-0, and perhaps most importantly, Black People Twitter, that she was the one who beat him up, and all he did was try to defend himself.
If Beyoncé had corroborated his story, it would have been viewed as a battered wife sticking up for her abuser, just like on an episode of COPS. It would have confirmed everything that "respected feminist scholar" bell hooks has long suspected about Beyoncé. The BeyHive would have gone nuts. Tumblr would have collapsed under the weight of enraged, already crazy Beyoncé stans planning Cho Seung-Hui-style attacks on Roc Nation's headquarters.
Jay-Z would have been carted off to jail right alongside Chris Brown, and imagine how awkward that would have been. Jay-Z tried to sabotage Chris Brown's career by having him banned from the BET Awards -- the Black People Twitter equivalent of the Nobel Prize -- after Brown did to Rihanna what Solange tried to do to Jay-Z. If the two of them had been placed in the same cell together, it would have been all over for Jay-Z. I don't care how many Tae Bo classes he's taken.
If I were Jay-Z, I'd seriously consider taking a second look at my relationship with Beyoncé. It might be time for him to cut his losses. Yeah, she's got a lot of money, but it's not like he gets any of that money if they break up. He has to pay her. He even has to pay her father, in a deal that was hammered out before Matthew Knowles knocked up one of his side pieces and as a result stopped receiving 15% of Beyoncé's checks. I can't imagine he's hurting for money even now, and truth be told, the upgrade from Beyoncé's mother may have been worth it, depending on what the side piece looked like. Anyway, it was new, and that always has a certain appeal.
I don't know if I could look at my wife the same way, after her sister tried to assassinate me in an elevator. Even the slightest family resemblance, I imagine, might make for an interesting time in the bedroom, but still I'm not sure if it would be worth it. Well, maybe once... but definitely not long term. After you're done choking her out while beating it up and then finishing on one of her wigs, you just can't feel safe sleeping in the same room with her. What if that aggression runs in the family? Remember, that football player got killed taking a nap in an apartment he was renting for some crazy Arab broad. (It would be racist to suggest that there aren't other kinds.)
Beyoncé was in the elevator when Solange was trying to kill Jay-Z, and she didn't seem to be doing very much if anything to try to stop her. That's one of those things you have to watch for in a relationship. If someone was trying to kill me, would this bitch so much as lift a finger? Yeah, Solange is Beyoncé's little sister, but Jay-Z is both the father of her child and probably the one cutting the rent checks for their apartment, even though she makes more money than he does. That's why so many black chicks are raising kids alone: they have no respect for those kids' fathers -- even before the fathers turned tail and skedaddled. They're probably safer, wherever they are.
Solange may have been distraught at the fact that it was Mother's Day -- or Mother's Day weekend, I'm not sure when exactly this incident took place -- and she was celebrating by tagging along with Jay-Z and Beyoncé to places where she wouldn't have been invited otherwise. As much money as some guy could probably pilfer from Jay-Z by moving in with Solange and her bastard child, that's the best she could come up with. The child's father, who married a high school-age Solange after knocking her up, Coal Miner's Daughter-style, because that's probably still the law down in Texas, has been out of the picture for some time now, and in light of recent events, he doesn't have to explain why.
I generally try to avoid being around single mothers, as a rule, for the sake psychological decorum, but certainly you don't want to be around a single mother on a family-related holiday. She's already prone to violence, statistically speaking, and being reminded of her inability to maintain a relationship with her child's father, and the tragedy that's sure to result, is likely to set her off. That seems obvious to me, but you can't blame Jay-Z for not coming to that realization. He's too busy counting his money to develop these webs of conspiracy. At least he could afford to have security there with him. I would have been left with no choice but to tap Solange's chin (no Boutros), as a precaution. These days you can't be too safe. Girl fights are getting more and more vicious. You could get hit in the head with a shovel. And just try citing a World Star video in a court room.
Really, this is not the worst thing that could have happened to Jay-Z. I doubt he wanted to hang out with Solange anyway, because Solange. Now he's got an excuse. No more Solange showing up to parties at his house eating up all the shrimp, no more Solange tagging along with him to events as if that's his daughter from back when he used to sell crack, no more arguing about having to listen to Grizzly Bear in the car. Certainly, no money should flow from Jay-Z's bank account to Solange's pocket ever again. (Really, it shouldn't have in the first place.) A restraining order might be necessary, to keep her from within dropkick distance. If Beyoncé has a problem with that, again, it might be time to reevaluate that relationship. The restraining could come in hany in divorce proceedings. If Beyoncé brings Solange around Jay-Z and the kid, I'd say that should void any pre-up.