August 27, 2013
Ghetto Big Mac now an actual menu item at Burger King
The official title is $1 French Fry Burger a/k/a a Sadness Burger.
You could just buy a burger off the dollar menu and put a few fries on it, but if you're ordering this thing, chances are you can't afford both a burger and fries from the dollar menu.
This is about to be a big menu item for homeless people, and it might have the adverse effect of attracting more homeless people to the Burger King parking lot. Wasn't it a homeless guy who supposedly got shot by Troy Davis? Later on, the guy who actually did it confessed, but the state of Georgia had already invested so much money in trying to fry Troy Davis that they figured they might as well go through with it.
Speaking of injustice, how can Burger King get away with so blatantly ripping off the Internets Celebrities' Ghetto Big Mac? Is it because that video came out way TF back in '06, which is like 40 years ago in Internets time? Already this week there was that Meyhem Lauren video that looks just like one of Dallas Penn's action figure videos for a Kid Cudi song. What's next, a Bill O'Reilly segment about how the Trayvon Martin killing was a homosexual encounter gone awry?
If only DP had sold the rights to Ghetto Big Mac to Clear Channel along with Combat Jack's soul, he could take advantage of their relatively immense corporate resources. They could argue copyright infringement and sue for enough that the Combat Jack Show website isn't going offline every few days now for nonpayment -- which is inexcusable for a show with so many white people involved with it. Is that why that guy Matt Raz isn't reading the news anymore? If I had a white guy living at my house (no homo), I'd have him on the phone with people I owe money to on the reg.
Maybe Burger King couldn't afford the rights to the Ghetto Big Mac so they just said fuck it. Obviously, that chain has seen better days, if they're trying to sell a miniature version of a Whopper with four french fries on it. (No, really, it only comes with four french fries on it.) I heard on NPR or somewhere recently that these fast food joints are taking a beating from classier fast food joints like BreadCo (you call it Panera) and Chipotle. The few people who can still afford to eat a meal in a restaurant in this day and age are opting to spend upwards of $10 per meal rather than upwards of $5, and the rest of us bums can't afford half the shit they sell at McDonald's anymore. That's why they're getting rid of those Angus Third Pounders and offering a Quarter Pounder with Cheese with some extra lettuce and shit on it.
If that doesn't work, they might also consider selling you just half the sandwich, or perhaps a program in which you help sweep the parking lot in exchange for a discount. This is where America is headed.
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 11:47 AM | Permalink
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