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June 27, 2013

Trayvon Martin's girlfriend Precious: The most articulate witness since the Emmett Till trial

via www.averagebro.com

Just when you thought the killing of Trayvon Martin couldn't get any more tragic, his girlfriend takes the witness stand in the subsequent trial.

Rachel Jeantel was the girl Trayvon Martin was on the phone with right before George Zimmerman popped a cap in his ass. She may or may not have been his girlfriend, as she was referred to in the chyron on CNN yesterday -- I've heard conflicting reports. Supposedly, she was asked in court yesterday if she was, and she was like, uh... not really.

I'm kinda hoping she wasn't, not because -- like Ebony Magazine -- I like to shit on young people in love, but because you'd like to think that Trayvon could do better than that. We know, from the dirt George Zimmerman's hatin'-ass brother has been able to turn up, that Trayvon Martin was about that life -- smoking weed, getting kicked out of school on the reg, flipping the bird -- and black guys like that usually score with the finest of black women.

One of the things that's troubling to me about Rachel Jeantel's testimony yesterday is how truly bizarre she looked. I'm from the STL, and I've been working in fast food on and off since I was 16, i.e. literally half of my life now, so I've seen worst-looking black chicks. I've seen more of them than I care to remember, in some cases. But this might honestly be the first time that I've seen a black chick rocking the same bowl cut they used to give to chinamen working the railroad back in the 1800s. Tha fuck?

If I'm the DA, or whoever's running this trial for the state, and it starts to look like things are beginning to swing in Zimmerman's favor, I might seriously consider having Rachel Jeantel's testimony struck from the record, on the grounds that -- as discussed on her Twitter -- she purposely went out and had her hair and her nails did and probably bought an outfit for the occasion, that's the look she selected, and thus she's insane. If the state of Texas had the sense to render the same judgment against Javier Bardem, the events in the film No Country for Old Men may have been prevented.

Some things she just couldn't help. The chins, for example. There's never any less than two of them, but sometimes there appears to be as many as five of them, and it doesn't make any sense, because she's not the largest black chick in the world by any means. She might be half as big as the girl who played her in the movie. (I'm of course referring to Precious.) She could almost refer to herself as thick. It wouldn't be any more valid in her case than it is when any other fat chick says it, but it might still go over down there in Florida. That may have been how she trapped Trayvon.

This was clearly a case of the blind leading the blind. As revealed in court yesterday, she was on the phone with Trayvon, promising him a blowski or whatever (it's true what they say about fat chicks), he complained that a "creepy-ass cracka" was following him, and she suggested that it might be a rapist. No, really. This just goes to show that when you see women on the Internets finding nonconsensual sexual overtones in -- literally -- a ham sandwich, it's because they really are under the impression that they could be raped at any given moment. Women really are that crazy. I'd apologize, but maybe we can just call it even.

Why would a guy be following another guy down the street, in the suburbs, so he could jump out of his car and try to rape him? That's never happened once in the history of everdom. That barely even happens to women. But imagine you're on the phone with a fat chick and she suggests that the guy coming up behind you is trying to rape you. You wouldn't know what to think. Your mind is already preoccupied with sex, because you've just been offered a knob shine.

Growing up in a somewhat well off CAC suburb, I've been in situations where someone wanted to know what I was doing walking down the street that I lived on. As a young black dude, you can't live in an area like that long enough for people to recognize you. What if it's some other ginormous black dude? In the late '90s, there were problems with Arab people stealing leaf blowers and shit from people who left their garage doors open during the day. I know that sounds racist, but it's true. Look it up.

One time I was walking home from school, and I saw my little brother getting off the bus, at the top of the street. I stopped so he could catch up with me, and I just so happened to stop in front of a driveway that had been refinished. They left empty cans of sealer at the edge of the driveway so that no one would drive on it until it was dry. I stand there for a minute or two, and all of a sudden this old CAC walks up on me like, "You weren't about to steal those cans, were you?"

In retrospect, I realize that he may have been under the impression that I was going to take whatever driveway sealer was left, start my own driveway sealing business and lift myself up by the proverbial bootstraps. Old CACs hate to see a black man make something of himself. He should have been able to tell, from my physique, that I wasn't about to do anything of the sort. I told the old CAC, and I'm paraphrasing (I may not have said anything), eff yo' half empty cans of driveway sealer, and I kept it moving.

One thing I didn't do was take off running, under the impression that I was at risk of getting bufued. I've heard a lot of chatter on Facebook and Twitter about Rachel Jeantel's testimony, about how she looks, how you can hardly understand what she's saying, and she seems to have an attitude, perhaps in part due to being trolled by the defense, but I think the thing that's really bothersome to people about it, whether they realize it or not, is the hoodrat logic on display.

Between the rape suspicion, the taking off running, and the somehow referring to the guy as both a cracka-ass cracka and the dreaded n-word, you get the sense that these two kids are the kind of kids who are conditioned to be combative, who couldn't possibly fathom the idea that if someone were to come up to you and ask you what you're doing, you could just tell them what you're doing and go about your business, i.e. the kind of kids you see on World Star.

Not that that gives George Zimmerman the right to pop a cap in Trayvon Martin's ass. I'm just saying. The fact alone that Trayvon Martin was on the phone with this girl bodes well for the defense. They could even try to argue that Zimmerman put him out of his misery. They already began the trial with a knock knock joke. I wouldn't put it past them.

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Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.

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Posted by Bol at 04:19 PM | Permalink

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