April 02, 2012
Hoodrat absconds with McDonalds office pool lottery ticket
Remember the other day when all of the dumbasses on Twitter were talking about going to buy lottery tickets? The jackpot in the Mega Millions was up to something ridonkulous like $650 million.
I didn't bother, because I happen to know for a fact that that shit is rigged, though I can't prove it. I read that somewhere a while back, and it seemed to be true. Do you really think that the government would just give away that much money to anyone, at random?
Your chances of winning would be (literally) infinitely small even if the lottery weren't a scam, and I have the worst luck of all time. I had an eye problem that only effects about one in six million people, then my vision was restored to 20/30 (about as good as it ever was), then I lost it completely in the most random, ridonkulous accident of all time. A cardboard box almost killed me.
If the BGM had a lottery pool, I wouldn't participate. But if I did, I would make sure that a hoodrat wasn't the one in charge of buying the tickets. Because if you win, the hoodrat would just claim that she bought another ticket, with her own money, and that's the one that won.
I skimmed the article in the New York Post, and it's so obvious that the winning ticket was bought with money from the office pool. The Indian guy who owns the McDonalds gave her $5 to buy tickets for the office pool. She definitely did go to a 7-11 and cop tickets. But after one of them won, she said she bought it with her own money.
If she had more than $5 worth of tickets from last week's huge Mega Millions, she could at least claim that $5 worth of the tickets that didn't win shit were the ones she bought for the office pool, and the rest of them, including - wouldn't you know - the one that won were her own tickets.
The Post didn't think to ask her if she had more than $5 worth of Mega Millions tickets, but you'd think that if she did she would have pointed that out herself. Hoodrats live to take advantage of plausible deniability.
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 03:09 PM | Permalink
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