March 02, 2012
Relationship Strategy: Become a teacher so you can hook up with one of your students
Banging your students is illegal, but only if they're under 18 or whatever the law is in your state.
If they're past the legal age of consent, there isn't anything at all wrong with it - at least according to the law. Your friends might look down on it, but that just means they're not really your friends.
It's probably also illegal to bang a chick while she's in your class. In high school. I know in college the rule was that you couldn't bang a professor if you were in their class that semester, but otherwise you could have at it.
Not that it was necessary for me to be aware of the rules, being a guy and all. Most college relationships between students and faculty are male professor on co-ed. I'm not sure if I'm aware of any female professors getting it on with students, nor do I recall any female professors I wanted to get it on with.
I'm not taking any shots at any female professors. I'm just saying. Feel free to prove me wrong. I'll reenroll, if necessary.
The key is to develop a connection between yourself and your prey while they're still in high school, then once they graduate. Or drop out, provided they're old enough when they drop out to get it on with. I think most places you have to be at least 16 to legally drop out of high school, but in many places it's not quite legal to get it on with a 16 year-old - although the legal age of consent is not 18 in more states than it is. I read that somewhere.
In some states there's a sliding scale based on the age of the guy. Or girl - I don't want to be sexist here. In some states it's 17 or 16, but I'm pretty sure 18 is the oldest it is anywhere. Probably anywhere in the world. In Mexico it's something ridiculous like 12 years. That's because marrying children is a cultural thing in some parts of Mexico, and who are you to judge? I guess the lines start to blur when everyone reaches full height at the age of 11.
The best way to check, if you're in the US, is to access a site called Grass on the Field, located at grassonthefield.com natch. It somehow detects which state you're in and cross references with a list of the legal age of consent. It also somehow knows today's date. #technology
If I wanted to, and if I were capable of that level of trickery, I could get it on with anyone born before March 3, 1995. I could have banged Dakota Fanning as far back as February of last year. (It doesn't tell you that. I did the math myself, but only for the sake of journalism.)
As a teacher, you're already at an advantage, because you're a perceived authority figure. The power imbalance is in your favor. They think you're smart (pshaw!), and they know you have a job - which is more important than ever in this day and age. Even high school girls know it's important to find a brother with a check. They've all got that Nicki Minaj album. And being a public school teacher is about the closest thing there is to free money. That's why the Koch brothers are pushing for reform.
The guy in the picture I guess couldn't quite wait until May, but all it cost him was his job. They moved in together, and of course her parents were upset, and they must have called the school. 5-0 is supposedly checking to see if there was any inappropriate sexual contact (as opposed to appropriate sexual contact?) before she turned 18, but I'm at a loss for how they're gonna find that. Even if they did, Johnny Cochran could easily have that thrown out of court. As long as there's no video, it's just a matter of he say/she say.
There's no video, right? Seriously.
If only they could have waited a few more months, he may have even been able to keep his job. She must have looked at him the way she's looking at him in the picture above, and he wasn't able to control himself. Now he's gotta find somewhere else to work, and everyone knows he got fired from a high school for hooking up with one of his students. He's already achieved his objective, so to speak, but what if some 22 year-old guy comes along and steals her out from under him?
Maybe he had a family of his own, and their situation is dire enough that they'll have him back if god forbid this doesn't work out. Always have some sort of contingency plan.
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 03:18 PM | Permalink
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