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Wine of the Day: 9/11 Memorial

via nyc.barstoolsports.com

It costs $19.11 a bottle, and I'm assuming the price is way jacked up to meet that special, symbolic price point. It's probably not worth any more than a $6 bottle of Yellow Tail.

I used to cop $12 bottles of wine, back when I had it like that, until I read somewhere that they were hardly any better than wines that cost half as much - or even less than that, in some cases. In a Pepsi challenge, people couldn't tell which was which. You probably have to get into $40+ range to notice any real difference in quality, and I don't even think they sell wine that costs more than $20 a bottle at the grocery store. Certainly not here in the shanty town. They don't even keep moderately priced bottles of hard alcohol on the shelf where you can actually buy it. Anything more than a fifth of Smirnoff, you have to go have a special meeting with the store manager. That also goes for small bottles, for when you need to take it into the movies, or to a family get together or some shit.

Sidebar: Why is it that bottom shelf alcohol doesn't come in bottles any smaller than a fifth. By bottom shelf, mind you, I'm not talking about Beam, which is merely not as classy as other kinds of whiskey, depending on where you live. I'm talking about the kind of shit that's bottled somewhere in upstate New York, that probably takes a few days off your life with each sip. If you could get Popov vodka in a bottle small enough to fit into your front pocket, that would be a game changer. Imagine how inexpensive it would be.

You probably have to live in New York to cop a bottle of 9/11 Memorial anyway. It's made by a winery based in Long Island, and they're probably not making that many bottles of it, what with it being tied to a specific date, which is coming up pretty soon, and I imagine the demand for the wine will be a lot higher in the New York area than it will be elsewhere. Imagine if you actually new someone who was fortunate enough to have a job in the World Trade Center, or were at least close enough to smell the burning rubble, and now there's a brand of wine created specifically to commemorate the experience, complete with hints of jet fuel and charred flesh in the bouquet. I can hardly remember what I did on 9/11. I know I stayed up all night the day before, because I had a class way early that Tuesday, then my roommate and I watched the towers collapse on live TV. The main thing I remember thinking was that if it weren't for this damn terrorist attack, I could fap and call it a morning.

9/11 affected us all in different ways.

Families of 9/11 victims, along with fat ladies who just have firefighter calendars in their cubicles, are of course upset with the makers of 9/11 Memorial, even though "up to 10%" of the price of each bottle sold will be donated to 9/11 charities. I guess they couldn't pledge a full, definite 10% because the goal was to donate $1.91 per bottle (it's estimated they'll donate between $1.15 and $1.91), because $1.91 sorta kinda recalls 9/11, if you rearrange the digits, but if it turns out that 9/11 Memorial costs more than they expected to produce, like if the hungry family of a 9/11 victim breaks into the vineyard and steals some of the grapes, that means they'd have to dip into their own pockets to cover the balance of the pledged $1.91 per bottle donation, thus making a donation to 9/11 victims themselves... and fuck that noise, Jack! Retailers are set to make about $6 per bottle of 9/11 Memorial sold, and of course they aren't obligated to donate any of that to anyone other than their motherfucking selves. Ironically enough, I would imagine at least some, if not quite a few, Arab liquor store owners are set to profit from the sale of a wine created to commemorate the attacks of 9/11. Who knows, they might even donate some of the proceeds to al-Qaeda. The Department of Homeland Security might want to look into that, because that would just be wrong on so many levels.