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December 03, 2010

I'm going away

Fair warning for those of you whose lives, like mine, revolve around those WSHH cam hoo-er videos: At the beginning of next week, Monday morning, I've having eye surgery, a cornea transplant. Some Indian fellow is gonna cut out the one I have now, which isn't worth a shit, and sew in one from a dead person - hopefully a straight dead person. The stitches will have to stay in for at least a year, if not permanently, and I might not be able to see any more than I can now, i.e. fuck all. But of course it'll cost the same (a metric fuckton) either way. If it doesn't go well, I'm gonna assume it's because the surgeon saw where I've been taking Indian people to task for their shit, for years now.

It could go very poorly. Perhaps you've experienced this, but when you have major surgery, they make you sign these forms listing all of the things that could possibly go wrong, probably so you can't sue them if/when they fuck up. I've had surgery a couple of times before, but I was either a kid (er, technically a minor) or it was an emergency situation, so I wasn't briefed as much beforehand. Which was nice, in retrospect. They do tell you, even when you're 15, that there's a slight possibility you'll die, because of the anesthesia, but I'm actually more concerned with all of the shit that could go wrong that doesn't involve death, most of which would ultimately result in losing my eye, like that black guy on ESPN. (Your bad, if you know those people as if they're your relatives.) I notice the doctor just kinda casually mentioned that I'll have to take steroids for the rest of my life, so that my body doesn't reject the donor tissue. He didn't say shit about what that might cost. Even if the Illuminati has it set up so that you can buy it mad cheap at Wal-Mart, because it probably makes you more susceptible to some global pandemic they're gonna use to reduce the population from 6 billion+ to a more manageable 2 billion, that might still be a lot of money for a brother such as myself. I might not make it to the East Side ever again. Plus, I can't risk some hoo-er's rock hard implants knocking my new cornea loose anyway. Fuuuuck. Also, I wonder what other effects that shit might have on my body. It'd be sweet if I got way stronger. Lord knows I could stand to tone up a bit. But my fear is that steroids could work like creatine (which I used to take back in the 1990s), where, if you take it and don't work out, it just makes you fatter.

I guess that's just a risk I'm gonna have to take (via Christopher Lloyd).

Anyway, I might not be back until the middle of next week at the absolute earliest. We'll have to see. I'll be moving back in with my parents for a couple of days. I'll have my laptop there with me, but I'll be busy having my eye worked on, and then I'm gonna be drugged, and then I'll have to go back to the hospital the next day to have my eye patch taken off and to make sure my eye hasn't rotted out in the interim. There's a distinct possibility some cam hoo-er videos and some Tumblr pr0n will be posted, because I'm not sure I can make it a day without them anymore, but I'm not making any promises.

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Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.

Copp dat:NaS Lost

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Posted by Bol at 01:16 PM | Permalink

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