April 22, 2010
Is amateur pr0n lowering our standards?
In an article in the New York Post about how actresses are opting against breast implants, Sasha Grey suggests it might have something to do with the rise of amateur pr0n on the Internets.
Adult-film star Sasha Grey, who knows a thing or two about acting while lying down, says she’s never been tempted to jack up the size of her 32B chest. “I’ve seen enough bad implants to never want a pair myself,” says Grey. “I’m very confident with the body I have.”
Grey, who’s also modeled for the American Apparel chain, credits the Internet — that bastion of pornography — for making it possible for natural-breasted actresses to thrive. “We [now] see a healthy balance of tastes, not just an overabundance of augmented breasts,” she says.
I'll admit, I'm a lot more forgiving of broads in homemade pr0n than I am of broads in pr0n that ostensibly costs money. But that's because the realness of it - the thought that the girls might not be dead on the inside, like girls in real pr0n - makes up for how fucked the fuck up their bodies look. It's not that I enjoy average looking women. Er, I don't enjoy them as much as enjoy above average looking women.
Here's the thing, if you look like Sasha Grey, i.e. if your face could give a guy a semi, despite the fact that you always appear to be high, then fine, don't have your cans done. But I think articles like this one in the New York Post could give mediocre women the wrong idea.
Fortunately, it's so obviously one of those BS trend pieces. The three examples that constitute the trend, per the New York Times rule, are (a) the fact that Sharon Osbourne is having her implants removed and turned into paperweights, as a gift to Ozzy; (b) the fact that casting call for the new Pirates of Caribbean, a kids movie starring the most attractive flat chested woman evar, sought only women with real cans; and (c) the fact that one of Amy Winehouse's fake cans may have exploded. It then rattled off an admittedly rather impressive list of actresses who are built like teenage boys (nullus), but I could have just as easily put together a list of actresses who make those girls like guys. I mean, even more so than they already do.
An article in the Daily Beast suggests we might be moving towards a two-tiered system, in which real actresses are built like Olivia Wilde, while jumpoffs, relative no-talents, and reality show skanks would still have to get breast implants. Which actually seems pretty fair, if you think about it. It's not altogether different from the system that's always existed in pr0n, where a Faye Reagan and the new, improved Sophie Dee can peacefully coexist, like man and fish.
[Larry King's wife will never die] because she’s a Fembot, a species of walking, talking Barbie dolls, concentrated mainly in Los Angeles and New York, that appears increasingly likely to take over the world. They are everywhere this spring: on the cover of Us Weekly, photographed by Mark Seliger in the pages of Vanity Fair, giving afternoon press conferences about their forthcoming lawsuits, plastic surgery dates, and feature films.
Here is Heidi Montag-Pratt, in her teeny-weeny bikini, posing half-nude next to every single swimming pool between Nevada and the Pacific, ever since her gag-inducing 10-in-one-day full-body reconstruction this winter. Here is new mother Kendra Wilkinson discussing her plans to follow in Montag’s footsteps and get a whole new body before she turns 30. Here are Tiger Woods’ frighteningly lifelike blowup-doll mistresses. Here are Eliot Spitzer’s.
And now even famously flat-chested Kate Hudson, the ultimate hippie chick, has reportedly gone out and gotten herself a boob job. One modestly enhanced bust—or is it just a push-up bra?—does not a Fembot make, but it’s a slippery slope. These days, Hudson looks just about the same age as her mother, Goldie Hawn.
Note: I saw a picture of the new, improved Kate Hudson the other day @ Shabooty, and she didn't look anywhere near as old as Goldie Hawn. This woman is obviously just jealous.
The boob bust! [New York Post]
Rise of the Fembots [The Daily Beast]
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 04:10 PM | Permalink
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