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March 17, 2010

Oh hell no: hipsters on food stamps

Hipster on food stamps

I've long suspected that I'm one of the few people left in this country who aren't on welfare. I go to the grocery store, and I see both black people and cracka-ass crackas with those damn EBT debit cards. Hence, I wasn't surprised in the least bit to read those stories I highlighted here a while back about how mad white people are on food stamps these days, they just like to front about it.

The way food stamps work, you don't really have to be poor to get them. You can live in a house that's worth a million dollars, as long as you work a job that doesn't pay very much money, or you're out of a job altogether. Back in the aughts, George W. Bush, who's ostensibly against welfare, eased up restrictions on food stamps, because the Illuminati wants people to be as reliant on the government as possible.

Now trust fund babies are using food stamps to buy something called tarragon from Whole Foods.

Mak, 31, grew up in Westchester, graduated from the University of Chicago and toiled in publishing in New York during his 20s before moving to Baltimore last year with a meager part-time blogging job and prospects for little else. About half of his friends in Baltimore have been getting food stamps since the economy toppled, so he decided to give it a try; to his delight, he qualified for $200 a month.

"I'm sort of a foodie, and I'm not going to do the 'living off ramen' thing," he said, fondly remembering a recent meal he'd prepared of roasted rabbit with butter, tarragon and sweet potatoes. "I used to think that you could only get processed food and government cheese on food stamps, but it's great that you can get anything."

You can tell they don't really need the money, because they're buying this shit from Whole Foods, aka Whole Paycheck.

Why in the fuck are people on food stamps even allowed to shop at Whole Foods? People on Food Stamps should only be allowed to shop at Aldi. That would make it a lot easier for people who work for a living to get in and out of stores that sell shit with name brands people have actually heard of.

I'm not hating. I'm just jealous. This guy is a fellow "professional blogger." I wonder how his salary compares to my own. I might need to talk to XXL about reducing my pay until it's just beneath the cutoff point for food stamps, if that would even be necessary.

Hipsters on food stamps [Salon]


Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.

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