Eminem - Relapse: Album Review
Eminem, Relapse (Aftermath, 2009)
Can you believe it's been five years since I reviewed the last Eminem album, Encore, on this site? Supposedly, Em spent the interim sitting around taking pills, and he almost died from an overdose of methadone - the shit they use to wean people off heroin. Can he still rap?
DR. WEST
Em is discharged from rehab, but then he ends up having to kill his doctor, because I guess he wasn't cured properly.
3 AM
The second single from Relapse, with the crazy video. Still with the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog voice and the uber dated pop culture references. In this case, it's Silence of the Lambs. I still think this is retarded, but I'm less upset at it within the context of the album. As my good friend eskay pointed out on Twitter yesterday, retarded is what Eminem does.
MY MOM
Still complaining about his mother, as he stares down 40. Now he blames her for his drug problem. Notice how all of these Dr. Dre beats sounds the same? Not that I'm complaining or anything - I wish there was 10 times as many of them. This one's a slight variation on "What's the Difference," which is pretty ancient, if you think about. One of these days I need to dig up my copies of 2001 and the Marshall Mathers LP and party as if it was 2000.
INSANE
Did he just admit to having been bufued by his stepfather? Yikes! Em is going way deeper on this album as far as airing out his various issues. Some of this shit is down right hard to listen to. It's no wonder he was on drugs. He might need to stay on drugs. If I was ever tampered with (which I couldn't be, natch) I don't know if I'd want to be sober very often. I don't want to be sober very often as it is.
BAGPIPES FROM BAGHDAD
Presumably just an excuse to rap in an Arab accent. The thing is, he isn't rapping about Baghdad or the war or anything. He's actually rapping about his relationship with Mariah Carey. Which may have been old news back when Encore was out. It's hard to say at this point. But it was a long time ago. He must have seen those pictures of her an Nick Cannon and been reminded. He seems genuinely pissed at Nick Cannon for having married.
HELLO
Yet another song about how he's been on drugs. The details make me believe he really has spent the past five years popping various pills. The sex stuff is amusing too. It's sounds like he's been banging a lot of strippers.
TONYA (SKIT)
I was taking care of something and end up missing this.
SAME SONG & DANCE
This one begins, "One rape charge, and people think you're a monster." Roffle. And then it goes on from there. Let me guess: he's trying to get people protesting outside his shows, like back in 2000. Also, I'm gonna guess he did the beat for this one himself.
WE MADE YOU
This isn't half as bad, without the dumbass video. Within the context of the album, it provides some much needed comic relief. Most of the rest of these songs are funny, but they're pretty disturbing, and you guys know I could give a rat's ass. I can only imagine what the PC community's gonna say about this album, especially if it becomes a big hit.
MEDICINE BALL
In which we learn that Em's had a vasectomy. Which lends credence to my theory that he's been banging a lot of hoo-ers. But if I was famous, and I was banging a lot of hoo-ers (which I would be), I wouldn't want anyone knowing I was sterile. I'd want every girl to think there's the possibility I could accidentally impregnate them. I guess if you've got enough money, you can get broads to bang you anyway.
PAUL (SKIT)
I love the fact that he's still going at Christopher Reeve, even though he's been dead for years now.
STAY WIDE AWAKE
He seems really obsessed with the idea of mutilating women's vaginae on this album. On one song, he talks about sticking a balloon in a woman's twat and blowing it up, and on this one, he talks about shoving an umbrella up there and opening it up. The fuck?
OLD TIMES SAKE
The one they leaked the other day, concerned people might think the entire album is as retarded as "We Made You" and "3 AM." Which, ironically enough, it is. This is easily the most 2001 thing on the album. It's fine for what it is, but it's actually kinda boring compared to the rest of this stuff.
MUST BE THE GANJA
Another song about smoking weed, except Eminem produced this one. Er, I'm hoping he did. It's got a few Dr. Dre-isms, but it's so shitty. They could have kept this one.
MR. MATHERS
Missed this one too. I guess he died or ODd or whatever. The next song takes place in a hospital.
DEJA VU
Em breaks down how he got to the point where he damn near died and made an album that could probably get his kids taken away from him.
BEAUTIFUL
I'm assuming he produced this one too. It reminds me of some of the worst stuff he did back when he first started doing beats. I wouldn't be surprised if it's been sitting around for a while. The thing is, there probably isn't anyone who can tell Eminem which songs he can and can't have on the album, and it probably won't sell any worse for having a lot of garbage towards the end.
CRACK A BOTTLE
Remember this? It feels weird here tacked on to the end of the album. It's obvious he went into the studio looking to create something very commercial, and this was the best he could come up with. It had some success on the charts, but probably mostly because it was the first Eminem song since forever.
STEVE BERMAN
This feels tacked on too. I guess people would have complained if it wasn't there.
UNDERGROUND/KEN KANIFF
Holy crap! I thought he was done with the gay bashing after he performed with Elton John at the Grammys. This is like the '09 "Criminal," but maybe even worse. It sounds like an absolute nightmare, though. Em must have produced it himself.
COMMENTS: I'm surprised at how much I liked this album. You guys know I wasn't very big on the singles, but I think they work a lot better in the context of the album - the guy is genuinely crazy, it's hardly any wonder he's taking drugs and rapping in funny voices and going off on people. This would be worth checking out, if only as a fascinating glimpse into the mind of a complete nutjob, a la Ol' Dirty's Nigga Please, but it's actually not a half bad listen. A little bit long, but what are you gonna do?
BEST TRACKS: "My Mom" "Insane" "We Made You"
BONUS VIDEO: "3 am"
