April 29, 2009
Swine flu, or Mexican flu?
A ByronCrawford.com Special Report
The other day, a guy from Israel of all places became one of the first people outside the US or Mexico to come down with swine flu. Officials there, many of whom I'm sure were tall, made it a point to note that you can't get swine flu from eating pork, you get it from coming into contact with another person. I guess they figured this might be a strong marketing opportunity for their, um, superstition. As if anyone thought that guy caught swine flu from a half slab of babybacks. Why would someone go all the way from Israel to Mexico on vacation, other than to drop a load on a TJ hooker? There probably aren't very many street walkers in Israel. I know Arabs get a lot of flack for making their women walk around in beekeeper suits, but a lot of these Jew broads stay pretty well covered up. Which is unfortunate, since you know a lot of Jewish women have especially large, if not particularly well shaped cans, due to the effects of inbreeding. It just goes to show who really runs the media. But I digress. The Israelis actually went so far as to call this pandemic Mexican flu, rather than swine flu, and they may have had a point.
I was watching TV yesterday, before I had to go bust a shift at the BGM (as mocked by eskay, who hates the working class, despite the fact that that's where he got his ideas about conflict resolution), and they had the guy who was the head of Homeland Security or some such agency on there talking about how you can't catch swine flu from eating bacon, even if you like it still a little bit pink and chewy. You know how the government's role these days is basically to run PR interference for corporations. I don't think he even mentioned anything else in that press conference. Though I wouldn't want to make the mistake of suggesting that he received any payment to go on TV to alleviate people's fears about pork. I wouldn't want someone from the National Guard to come to my house and slap me. Lord knows I've got enough problems. I was hoping swine flu might drive down the price of pork. Tomorrow I officially become a homeowner, thanks in part to the dreaded BGM, and I figured I might celebrate by cranking up the Weber. But who knows. The pork industry might not be able to come down as much, due to the state of the economy. I don't remember Dominos having any special deals after that video of those nasty cracka-ass crackas farting and putting boogers on people's pizza. That's why I'm not going back.
I got home last night, turned on Hardball, and I saw they had Pat Buchanan on there talking about swine flu. It looked like he was about to go in, linking swine flu to a number of nasty diseases (leprosy, bed bugs, etc.) that have reemerged in this country due to the ridonkulous, unchecked immigration to this country from (mostly) Mexico and elsewhere, but Chris Matthews caught him. Matthews was like, "Don't you even go there." So I might have to check out Fox News tonight, to get the real deal. Except today is Obama's 100th day in office, so there might not be as much news on swine flu. Keep in mind, I realize Matthews had a point - swine flu in the US didn't come from Mexicans sneaking across the border with it, it came from Americans visiting Mexico and bringing it back with them. But the point remains. You can't get swine flu from eating swine, you get it from other people. And since the first people who had it were Mexicans, I think it's only right it be called Mexican flu, even if calling it swine flu might help make my weekend. The Mexicans themselves are probably aware of this, which is why they've been calling it swine flu. Meanwhile, I see - as I'm typing this - that the government wants us to call it H1N1. The fuck? Let me guess: the TIs put them up to this. They don't want the public to demand they close the border up.
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 12:17 PM | Permalink
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