ByronCrawford.com

Did eskay beef with a fake Ras Kass?

Ras Kass has been following me on Twitter for a few weeks now. Or has he? I read yesterday that he's set to be released from the joint next month after damn near two years. Which means he's either been updating his Twitter from jail, or that eskay has been beefing with a fake Ras Kass.

Ras Kass cosigned my post the other day about how Asher Roth said he was kicking it with nappy headed hoes, which caused eskay to remind him that he once got knocked right the fuck out by the Game. If you notice, eskay is big on the idea of fistfights. There may have been some violence in his home when he was a child.

A few fun facts about Ras Kass:

1) He got busted for violating parole by attending the motherfucking BET Awards.

2) This was the same BET Awards where TI got busted with those machine guns.

3) 5-0 realized he was there, because they saw him on TV freestyling with Joell Ortiz.

4) Ras Kass was arrested in '03 and served 19 months for his third DUI conviction.

After the jump is the series of tweets between Ras Kass and eskay.

Danyel Smith hates Asher Roth? Shocker!

Elliott Wilson's wife Danyel Smith, the editor in chief of Vibe, is well known in journalism circles for being virulently racist. A few years ago, when she became EIC at Vibe, she took my boo Christina Aguilera off the cover of that month's issue in favor of Bobby Brown, of all people. It was obvious race was the issue. Bobby Brown hasn't had an album out since what, like '93? Then a few years later, it was revealed that she told Robin Thicke he couldn't be on the cover, because he's white.

As she mentions in the clip below, most of the people who work for Vibe are cracka-ass crackas, but that's just because someone's gotta write that shit, and the black community tends to be filled with people who aren't journalists, you fat fuck. Also, Eminem is on the cover of the new issue, but that's because Vibe isn't in a state where they can afford to replace him with the 40 year-old Rodney Allen Rippy, or whoever it is she would have preferred.

Checkit: Danyel Smith ethers Asher Roth [zSHARE]

Reparations Fail: Popeyes runs out of chicken

Popeyes Chicken is gonna learn the hard way. You don't toy with black people's emotions.

You'll remember last week I mentioned how Popeyes had this deal where, for one day, you could get eight pieces of chicken for $4.99. I actually went myself (I know, shocker) and got there right when they ran out of chicken.

I joked that I peeled the fuck out before a riot broke out, but I wasn't really sure what was gonna happen. I was mostly in a rush to get myself some chicken from the grocery store, like I always do. If I was more of a journalist than a fat fuck, I would have stuck around and interviewed people.

In the clip below, the local news in Rochester, NY talk to a bunch of people who didn't make it in time to Popeyes Pay Day. Many of them claimed they weren't coming back, and I'd encourage them not to. At least not until Popeyes does something to make this right.

What they should do is give a free bucket of chicken to anyone who took time out of their (surely busy) day to take advantage of this promotion, only to find out they were out of chicken. But you know mad people who weren't even there use that as an opportunity to come up on some free chicken.

At the very least, they should have another Popeyes Pay Day and make sure have enough chicken.

MLK, autotuned

Damn hipsters.

Marital rape shouldn't be legal in Afghanistan

According to Last Week's Poll
I guess the US made the mistake of allowing Afghanistan to make it's own laws, and the first thing they did is legalize marital rape, i.e. a man's right to enjoy sexy time with his wife, regardless of whether or not she wants to.

At least they didn't pass any laws that might have a harmful effect on us here in the US, though I'm sure the military, or whoever's really in charge over there, wouldn't have stood for that. But it just goes to show what's wrong with that part of the world. More so than anything else, those guys could probably just use some stank on their hanglow.

It's hard enough not being able to enjoy sexy time with a woman whenever you like here in the US, where you can just go to the mall and see teenage girls with incredible bodies (and if you notice, only teenage girls have incredible bodies these days - no R. Kelly) walking around dressed as if they're streetwalkers. In Afghanistan, all of the women are walking around in those beekeeper suits. Who knows how long a man might go between seeing a decent set of cans. And you can see why a man might be especially eager to have sex with his own wife.

Last week's poll had to do with whether or not marital rape should be legal in Afghanistan. Check the results.

Should "marital rape" be legal in Afghanistan?

1. No (77.7%)
2. Yes (22.3%)

Total Votes: 403

A few days into last week's poll, it was suggested that people might not have any idea what's meant by the term marital rape. I think people were expecting the results to be a lot more evenly split than they were.

Indeed, I'm not really sure what the legal definition of marital rape is. (Remember, I was pre-med.) You know how it is with these bullshit forms of rape. Getting beaten and having some guy force himself on you in a back alley is one thing, but having sex with some guy because you were too drunk to remember whether or not you wanted to continue stringing him along is another thing entirely. I'm not sure where having sex with your spouse when you don't want to would fall along that spectrum. And the thing is, we don't really know how sex within a marriage is viewed in Afghanistan. It could be that women there don't view sex as a tool with which to break a man down emotionally, and hence that's why there wasn't as much opposition to this law as there would have been here in the US. I'm just saying.

Bol in Gawker

One of the other things a public intellectual does is debate fellow public intellectuals on the important issues of the day, in prestigious media outlets. eskay doesn't count, because he isn't a public intellectual, you fat fuck. If you disagree, I'd like to see you say it to his face.

Here's myself, Tom Breihan, and Toure on Asher Roth in Gawker yesterday.

Checkit: Asher Roth: Do We Care? [Gawker]

The peasant mentality in hip-hop journalism

eskay's post today going off on me begins as follows:

So I was trying to hold off on posting about this until someone in Asher’s camp released some kind of statement or something...

And therein lies the problem. You don't have to be on the payroll to be overly deferential to the TIs, though I'd respect these clowns more if they were.

The idea of a journalist waiting to hear from someone's publicist before reporting on a matter like this is silly to say the least.

Checkit: Sour Patch Kids [Nah Right]

Asher Roth pulls a Don Imus

Let me guess: this is the TIs' way of drumming up publicity.

They don't call him Kay Slay for nothing

Speaking of Father Time, I should point out that Kay Slay may or may not be trying to have me killed.

I was informed yesterday that Kay Slay called the XXL offices last week looking for me. I'm not sure why they didn't tell me about it at the time. Like Slay himself, they might not be sure whether or not I really exist. I could count on one hand the number of times I've spoken to anyone there, and I'm not sure if any of those people still work there. They stay getting rid of people. And I've never actually visited the offices or anything.

I know there was an issue a while back with Trick Trick threatening to show up and kick the crap out of Ron Mexico, which was how his name got added to the growing list of people we're no longer allowed to mention. Speaking of which, didn't Elliott Wilson once get beat up by his brother in half whiteness, Ray Benzino? I seem to recall reading about that at some point or another..

It's a good thing I don't work out of the XXL offices. First of all, I just can't bring myself to wake up before 11 am, i.e. noon New York time. Second of all, why would Kay Slay call the XXL offices looking for me, if he wasn't trying to send some goons after me? If all he wanted to do was speak with me, he could have done so the same way every third rapper who ever exists has, using the email address listed on this site. I happen to know for a fact that, even though he's old, he knows how to use email. That's how he got into contact with Khalil Amani about that article in Straight Stunting about teh ghey rap music, and whatever else it is they spoke about...

After the jump is classic audio of Bun B and Kay Slay ethering me, back in '06. But I thought Kay Slay had never heard of me? Maybe he's got early onset alzheimer's. (That part where he talks about what a guy is gonna do to him sexually was Khalil Amani, right?)

Buffie the Body: The new Superhead?

I'm usually down on the idea of these Superhead books, where some slore goes and fucks a bunch of rappers and then writes a book about it.

Superhead herself has published several of them now, Nas and Mos Def's babies' mothers have written them, then there was the editor of the Source who blew Nas and Fiddy Cent and lord knows who else. And I guess Rawse's baby's mother's book would fall into that category as well, though there's some confusion as to whether or not it will actually be released. Fiddy may have just told her that to get her to be in that video.

The reason I usually don't like these books is that I don't like the idea of some jumpoff blowing a bunch of guys and then writing about it in a book, where their real wives and girlfriends might read it. If women like Superhead and the rest of these tramps want to get rich from sucking dicks, they should do it the old fashioned way and start charging for it.

But when I saw the cover of this new book by Buffie the Body, I thought to myself, "Hey, Buffie the Body went and fucks some guys, and now she's gonna write a book about it!" I wasn't nearly as upset as I have been in the past.

Part of it may have been that it's been that it's getting to be that time of the afternoon, and I like the idea that the guys are at least getting something out of this deal. As much time as I spend denigrating black women who suffer from tank ass syndrome, i.e. most of them, I've wanted to bang a broad like Buffie the Body for a while now, preferably from behind. Just to see what it's like. But I couldn't see myself carrying on a meaninful relationship with a woman who wasn't built like a bean pole. I'm sick like that. I need help.

But part of it's that you'd have to think that Buffie actually had to... shall we say, conduct some research in the field before she sat down to write this book. (Er, paid someone to write it for her.) It's not like she saw Superhead make millions of dollars from her book, and she just so happens to have once blown Nas.

(Sidebar: Nas needs to go on Stern, just so we can see how many famous women have shined his knob. We already know of Carmen Bryan, the girl from the Source, and Ashley Dupre. I bet there's way more than that.)

The only guys I know Buffie the Body to have been with are Gucci Mane, and my old friend Kay Slay, aka Father Time, and who gives a fuck about either of them? If Buffie the Body expects to sell any books, she better have gone out and gotten some real names under her belt. In fact, if the book isn't already done, and if she's willing to expand her search into the world of journalists/public intellectuals, I wouldn't mind being mentioned.

Speaking of which, if hoes can get a book deal off of blowing Kay Slay, I might need to holler at Ashley Logan about writing her tell all. I'd even be willing to gloss over the part about the herpes, for the right price...