March 31, 2009
Sup dawg, I heard you like pr0n
...so I put some pr0n on the Internets so you could jerk off while updating your Twitter.
I know a lot of rappers are getting into the Internets these days, so here's a tip: When picking a username for Twitter, make sure you don't use the same name you use to upload weird pr0n videos to another site. Otherwise, you could end up like Xzibit.
The other day, I was searching the Internets for ways I could be a better asset to my community, and I happened to stumble upon a site that had a lot of pr0nographic videos. I clicked on one of them, just to make sure it wasn't anything I needed to report, and I noticed the username, mrxtothaz, sounded familiar.
Yep, it was Xzibit, whom I follow on Twitter. Though I'll point out, for the sake of my fragile egg shell ego, that he was following me first. Then I saw he was following me, so I started following him. In fact, a lot of celebrities like to keep tabs on Bol. If only I commanded the interest of pr0n stars that ?uestlove does. Recently, I was checking Carmella Bing's Twitter, because - okay, I'm not gonna lie, I find her adorable - and I noticed ?uestlove is one of the few people she's following. Just like Sasha Grey.
I wonder if ?uestlove has ever banged a pr0n star. I'd ask, but he'd probably just tell me any ol' shit, to shut me up and send me on my way. ?uestlove has been known to bullshit people. One time I met him backstage at a show and he gave his number. No homo. The next day, I called and a woman picked up, like, "Sorry, son. There's no ?uestlove who lives here." That same night, I met ?uestlove's mom (7ft tall and a total grandmilf), and she told me he said I was his favorite writer. A while later, I mentioned it on okayplayer, and he claimed he never said such a thing. He must think I'm stupid.
But I digress.
Based on the videos posted to Xzibit's Dailymotion account, I'd say he's into extremes. Not any kind of extreme in particular - just extremes in general: women with huge asses, women with huge cans, women that are just plain huge. Pretty much the only thing that's not there is a normal sized women. Some of it's downright scary, but some of it's just magic.
Checkit: Xzibit's Dailymotion account (NSFW, natch)
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 03:47 PM | Permalink
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