The Real World: Brooklyn - Episode 8: Episode Summary

Episode 8. So this means I've been up to this for a month now, albeit minus the two weeks I was at work, and none of the guys in the house has banged any of the girls in the house, or anyone else for that matter. The only one who's even drinking heavily is the teh ghey latino kid. MTV is gonna have to do a better job of screaming the roomies next season. Having a girl with huge tits and a few fruits isn't gonna cut it, especially when the girl with huge tits is a black chick with delusions of grandeur.

Work with me, MTV!

You can tell none of the guys in the house is really straight, because they're complaining about how messy the girls. Admittedly, I'm sure it's difficult to deal with hair lying around all over the place. Obviously, I don't have that problem as much with my own hair. And if they're not making an extra special effort to get rid of whatever they use to cover up the fact that they're constantly bleeding, then yeah, that would be gross. And yeah, it would be difficult for me to deal with the fact that there's dirty dishes all over the place, and yet, there's three and a half women in the house.

Come to think of it, the guys might have a point. If I was one of the roomies this season, my goal would be to have sex with one of the three girls that's actually a girl, if only so it'd be preserved on video for posterity, but also becuse I'd probably enjoy it. Even the girl from Hot Topic. But if sex was out of the question, they could at least keep the house in decent order. What else are they gonna do, sit around all day playing with their own privacy? That's what I'd do, if I was in that position.

It hadn't been clear to me that there was never gonna be a group job this season, like there's been every season since Miami, except maybe last season, which I didn't watch. But I guess the roomies really are just gonna wander around pursuing failed careers in various facets of the entertainment industry, just like the very first season in New York, way the fuck back in the stone ages.

Sgt. Numbnuts signs up for film school, and it's hard to tell whether MTV really did pay for him ro attend a legit, $30,000 a year film school, in which you might actually learn how to make a film, or if he's just attending some douche's seminar. My money's on the latter. His first assignment is to take a camera to the park and make a short film. Men's Health and Magic Underwear are given small parts, and there's some arguing over who had the most important role. How is any of this supposed to be interesting to me in the least bit?

We get to see a bit of Sgt. Numbnuts' film as he shows it to his class, and it looks like it might be a setup for a teh ghey pr0n. I thought the douche who gives the lectures might be about to go off on Sgt. Numbnuts for creating such a waste of everyone's time, but then he's like, "Everyone, give Sgt. Numbnuts a round of applause." I see I need to go back to college. It's been a while since I've been recognized for doing something that's entirely unremarkable. That is, unless you count blogging.

All night long, there's been this subplot having to do with how messy the girls are and how the tranny insists on walking around in her underwear. It looked like it might not actually lead to anything, but then it does. Hot Topic has to take the car to whatever her bullshit class is, so Men's Health hides the keys. He lets her spend a while looking for them, then he explains to her that he hid them because he's pissed about the dishes and the tranny. How gay.

I'm siding with Hot Topic on this one... except for the fact that there's only so many things you can do to a woman. If he would have slapped the shit out of the tranny, they would have had to bring in Dr. Drew Pinsky for a "very special episode," like they did a few years back, when there was a domestic violence issue. This despite the fact that Katelynn isn't really a girl anyway. As far as I'm concerned, you should be able to punch a tranny in the face the same way you punch a guy. So what if they've had their junk mutilated.

Men's Health supposedly fell asleep on a train. For a while there, they couldn't find him anywhere in the house, and they couldn't get him on his cell. Magic Underwear was visibly frazzled. Read into that what you will. I'm not sure if I'm buying for a minute that Men's Health fell asleep on the subway. I thought that was how you got robbed and/or molested on the train. My guess is that he might have gone to cop steroids, Eric Nies-style. Or who knows? Maybe he was catching some Zs. I've been saying for a while now that New York got soft. I might not even stay in a hotel the next time I'm there. I might just sleep on the subway.

When they get back to the house, there's this huge argument about how Black Tits left the car on E, the dishes, Katelynn walking around the house in her skivvies, and what have you. Hot Topic seems to be getting the worst of it, and I'm at a loss for why. Isn't she the one who actually did the dishes. Again, I'm gonna side with Hot Topic. She was right about the car keys, and... erm, the fact that I'd throw her one, and she did the dishes. She's basically a model for what all young women should strive to look like, except that they should strive to look even better.

I didn't catch what she said, but apparently Miss Hot Topic contradicted herself, and it was egregious enough for the teh ghey latino kid to jump and break a glass table. But if you notice, no one seems to jump back or anything. I wouldn't be surprised if one of the producers told him to do it. Has that table always been there? Then he goes and rips the phone out of the wall while Black Tits is talking on it, because she didn't want to participate in a house discussion about who's gonna do the dishes. Again, her response didn't strike me as being at all along the lines of what you'd expect from a black chick whose phone conversation had been cut off in such a violent manner.

So, the girls cleaned up the kitchen. Men's Health does some squats. Hot Topic goes and does arts and crafts with damaged children. Dolphin Trainer cops another telephone, from some store that looks like a front for a weed dealer, a la Half Baked. And that's pretty much it. I can't believe they worked an entire hour-long episode out of this bullshit.

NEXT WEEK: Magic Underwear and the tranny are gonna get into it. Nullus?