ByronCrawford.com

Elliott Wilson: The next Perez Hilton?

Yesterday, I received an email from some dumb kid informing me that I could be a lot more popular, like Perez Hilton, if I posted more often. I wrote back, explaining to him that I could care less about becoming the next Perez Hilton. His response was that I must love working in retail.

Wouldn't you know, a mere matter of hours later, I received an email with the press release for Elliott Wilson's Rap Radar, in which Elliott is compared to Perez Hilton. Or rather, I received a forward of the email with the press release for Rap Radar, from Elliott himself. I guess I wasn't deemed worthy of being on the list of people who received the actual press release. Perhaps if I posted more often. Ha!

There's also an article on one of these sites that exists to take press releases and rewrite them into articles. The article includes the bit about Elliott being the next Perez Hilton. It also suggests that the site will be the Huffington Post of hip-hop, an idea which, you'll recall, was stolen from Elliott the other day by Russell Simmons and his site Global Grind. A brief Twitter war erupted at the time. Fortunately, Global Grind has yet to do anything worthwhile with their celebrity contributors.

Plus, Elliott's gonna have Jay-Z. You know Elliott's mad close with Jay-Z, having interviewed him for both XXL and his wife's magazine, Vibe. As Elliott put it, "If Jay-Z wants to express his feelings about Obama, there’s not really a forum where he can do that right now." He's got a point. I'd try to get famous rappers to blog for this site, but then I'd feel obligated to give them favorable coverage, regardless of whether or not they deserved it.

Speaking of which, it's also announced the name of Elliott's upcoming book about Jay-Z, set to be published in 2010. Damn, there's a lot of scoops in this bullshit article! It's gonna be called "Soul of a Hustler." You'll recall that it's mentioned, in that same interview in which dream hampton explained why you shouldn't eat Haagen Dazs, that she once wrote a book about Jay-Z, but Jay had to put the kibosh on it, because it didn't turn out to his liking. I guess Jay figured that wouldn't be an issue with Elliott.

Checkit: Ex-XXL Editor to Launch the 'HuffPo of Hip-Hop' [Folio]

Pedro: The fudge is now the movie

Speaking of the Oscars, I see that the fudge who wrote Milk has written a movie about The Real World: San Francisco, and it's already been filmed. Look out for it this time next year.

No, really. There's a site for it and everything. They've yet to post a trailer for it, but I see that it was a selection for the Toronto Film Festival in 2008, and that it's playing next month at the Berlin Film Festival.

I wonder: does the fact that it's actually been selected to play at these film festivals mean that it's really a good movie? It was produced by Bunim/Murray, the same fruits who make The Real World, and I guess, for what it's worth, The Real World is the best TV show evar, slightly edging out The Sopranos.

I checked the page for cast and crew, and I didn't recognize anyone other than the girl who played Rico's wife on Six Feet Under, the fifth best TV show evar. She must be playing Pedro's mother. The girl who's playing Pam looks quite a bit like Pam, but that could just be because she's Asian, and they all look alike.

How much of a trip would it be, if there actually was a good movie based on some shit I used to watch back when I was in middle school? First the Biggie Smalls movie, and now this. You know you're getting old when your adolescence becomes Hollywood's reference point for shit that happened a long time ago.

Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie about Indian people

Isn't it neat when the topics of these polls actually coincide with the news cycle? Last night was the Acadamy Awards, where Slumdog Millionaire won several awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. And last week's poll had to do with which is the best movie about Indian people, Glengarry Glen Ross, or Slumdog Millionaire.

I'll admit, I've yet to see Slumdog Millionaire, and it hadn't occurred to me when I created this poll that the Academy Awards would be last night. For a while there, I literally didn't have the $8 it costs to go see a movie, and eventuallly, I just got out of the habit. It's been several months now since I've been to the movies, and I used to go to the movies all the time.

It just so happens that I caught Glengarry Glen Ross, one of my father's favorite movies of all time, on HDNet Movies, or whatever it's called, the other day, and I was reminded of how it's one of the best movies evar. And I realized that I'm probably never gonna be able to watch it without experiencing at least a certain degree of PTSD, from having spent several years now dealing with Indian people in a low-end retail setting. It's funny to think that, when I was a kid, back in the late '90s, watching Glengarry Glen Ross, I had no idea what Al Pacino was talking about when he said that a lead for an Indian family isn't an actual lead, it's the tiny death of part of your spirit. Note that I'm paraphrasing.

Check the results of last week's poll.

Best movie about Indian people?

1. Slumdog Millionaire (64.7%)
2. Glengarry Glen Ross (35.3%)

Total Votes: 173

Based on the relatively small turnout for this poll compared to, say, the one about Fiddy Cent and Rick Ross, I'm assuming most people haven't seen either Slumdog Millionaire, or Glengarry Glen Ross, or maybe even both.

Having seen these results, I wish I had seen Slumdog Millionaire, just so to see whether it actually is better than Glengarry Glen Ross, or if the people who voted in this poll are full of shit.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's the latter, since Slumdog Millionaire is more popular right now, and since the commercials make it out to be a feel good movie about Indai, which, there probably shouldn't be such a thing.

Wearing underwear to your own birthday party is for suckers

That's what I'm talking about.

You got knocked right the fuck out!

via All Hip Hop Rumors

Bol and Khalil Amani in the new Spin (nullus!)

Word on the street is that I'm quoted in the new issue of Spin magazine.

I haven't actually seen it myself, but I was alerted to it the other day in an email I received from a girl, the content of which suggested to me that she might fantasize about having my babies, and that she might be upset that I might not be interested.

I'll let you read it for yourself and decide:

Saw your quote in Spin. It was a little brief but I guess you gave them what they needed. In any case, it's not the type of article that your readers are interested in (titties, hip hop, and blaming the world's problems on black women) so you may not blog about it, but I saw it and was glad you got the exposure!!

I remember being approached by Spin for a comment. It was for an article that was gonna be about some teh ghey hip-hop reality series, but then the series ended up getting canceled, so they decided to make the article about teh ghey hip-hop in general.

The guy asked me something along the lines of, "Do you think there could ever be a successful teh ghey rapper?" and I was pretty much dumbfounded. The most I could come up with was like, "There can't be a successful gay rapper, because it's rap music, and... um, rap music isn't gay."

The guy probably thought I was retarded.

Since it's an article about teh ghey hip-hop, I figured Khalil Amani might be involved. He seems to have succeeded in making himself the go to guy for articles about teh ghey hip-hop, as perhaps he should be. I know he was quoted in another article I saw recently, in the LA Times.

So I checked that hilarious site he blogs for, and, wouldn't you know, there's a post with him gloating about having been quoted in the LA Times and mentioning that he's also gonna be featured in Spin.

The thing I'm especially pissed about now is that the guy from Spin asked me about my beef with Khalil Amani, and I could hardly explain it to him. It's been such a long time (in Internets years) since it began, and who gives a fuck about Khalil Amani anyway? He's obviously a lot more invested in this than I am.

Case in point, I see he's still talking shit about me. The bulk of the post in which he gloats about having been quoted in the LA Times has to do with some other beef he's gotten himself into, re: Buffie the Body. One of the guys at Highbrid Nation went off on him. So of course Khalil responded by going off on me.

To wit:

You know what’s funny? Niggas have gotten tired of calling me “faggot” and now they’re honing in on my age! I can’t wait to see how some of these folks look when they are two-score and eight years of age! (48) Hell, some of y’all look older than me now, with your old-looking young asses! Some of y’all in your twenties already have weight issues—ol’ flabby-ass, man-tit having, love-handle carrying, hotdog neck, cankle-legged, 12-pack toten, thunder thigh scraping, double-chin turkey gobbling, hairline receding, disgusting fat-bodies! (Bol) I ain’t in the greatest shape, but I can still see my schlong when I look down!

And that's just the worst of it, i.e. the part where he mentions his schlong in reference to me.

Checkit: Khalil Amani in LA Times & Other Interesting Stuff! [Hoodgrown]

The Real World: Brooklyn - Episode 7: Episode Summary

I should note, as a matter of warning, that I wasn't even about to wait until 9:00 before I started drinking tonight, and that I'm usually not at my best at this when I've had a few. That being said, I did drink a bottle of red wine, among other things, and you know how wine gets you... erm, in the mood for love.

If only there weren't so many fruits on this show.

What's with the dramatic music at the beginning of tonight's episode? Oh shit, it's a bug! Or wait, they're saying it's a mouse. Those are fucking tiny mice. Having been raised in a semi-rural area, we had issues with mice once or twice when I was growing. You'd see one, then we'd put mouse traps down, then that would be it for years and years on end. Mice must be fucking retarded. That isn't even a real piece of cheese on a mouse trap. It's just, like, yellow plastic.

And why is it that they've got a mouse problem in New York, rather than a rat problem? I've heard a million and one stories about people in New York with rat problems, but I've never heard a single story about people in New York dealing with mice. I thought that was more of a country thing. I wouldn't be surprised if MTV planted those mice there, just to make things interesting. Why wouldn't they bring someone in to get rid of them? If I lived in a house owned by MTV and I saw a mouse, I'd be on the phone with a Jew with the quickness.

Is Kanye banging my favorite bald woman?

I wouldn't be surprised if he saw the pictures I posted of her here and made a few phone calls.

Actually, Sandra Rose suggests that she might just be acting as his beard, and that she might not even be a straight herself. If Kanye is banging her, he's probably going in through the back door. He can look down at that bald head of hers and pretend it's a guy he's balls deep inside.

My bad about the imagery. I just wrote something kinda gross for XXL. You might wanna hurry and check it out, in case there's any technical problems with the URL. You know how buggy the software there can be.

Anyhoo, I'd be more jealous, except for the fact that Amber Rose looks way more retarded with clothes on than she does almost completely naked. Kanye must have picked out her outfit. Maybe they picked out each other's outfits. Look at how tiny that jacket is. I'm pretty sure I had that same jacket when I was four.

Pics via Sandra Rose

Is it racist to compare Obama to a dead monkey?

This is a cartoon that's running in today's New York Post.

Does this mean the stimulus bill he just passed is actually gonna fix the economy? Nah, right?

The Reverend Al "Mr. Do" Sharpton is already on the case, and has somehow managed to issue a response before I could even roll off of the couch and figure out what day it was. Check it out, after the jump, if you're into that sort of thing.

Jimmy Valentime "I'm the Best"

Finally, a rapper thought to sample Eli Porter.

Granted, Jimmy Valentime [sic] is not a rapper anyone ever heard of, and I'm not sure whether or not it's intentional that his flow kinda sounds like Wesley Willis, but whatever. It's just this kind of ingenuity that could take him places, on the Internets. He could be the next Joe Budden.

Checkit: Jimmy Valentime "I'm the Best" [zSHARE]