Some children need to be left behind

A Special Christmas Story
One time, this smoking hot broad I used to work with came up to me and told me I should let her know if I found out any schools were hiring teachers. She had just gotten out of college, and I guess felt she was too good for the BGM.

I told her I didn't have any idea what the fuck is going on in schools these days. Obviously. But I thought schools were always hiring? She was like, "Yeah, but you'd probably have to go work down in the ghetto somewhere."

It's one of my favorite things a girl has ever said to me, in part because I'm pretty sure that, due to my facility with the English language, white chicks will often say shit to me that they wouldn't say to most black people. I'm like the Barack Obama of white trash retail.

And I'm not gonna lie. I'd rather actually shove my joint in a broad... but if her cans are big enough, I'll stand there and listen to her explain how she can't afford to make $8 an hour for the rest of her life. I'm sensitive and understanding like that.

Anyway, she may have had a point. I can see wanting to teach little kids in the ghetto to read, on the outside that maybe they can join the mainstream. But you don't want to put yourself at too much of a risk.

My little brother teaches PE in an elementary school in that same district where, you'll recall, one of the teachers allegedly gave AIDS - the gift that keeps on giving - to as many as 50 of the students in a high school.

A few weeks ago, in the middle of the night, he broke into my apartment and stole my Nintendo Wii. I rolled off of the couch at the ass crack of 11 a.m., looked up at my TV, and was like, "What the fuck happened to my Wii?" Nullus.

I called my little brother and was like, "Dude, someone broke in and stole the Wii." He was like, "Actually, I took it. I needed it for work. But I need you to drive down to the ghetto and drop off the sensor bar, so I can actually use it."

The fuck?

Obviously, the reason he broke in, in the middle of the night (admittedly, it could have been like 8:00 in the morning), and stole it is because he knew good and well, if he asked if he could borrow it, I would have told him the same thing Garth Algar told his sister when she asked if she could use his Def Leppard records.

As much money as I pay in taxes (this despite the fact that I hardly make any money), the school ought to be able to buy it's own motherfucking Nintendo Wii. Plus, that damn thing cost more money than I probably had in my bank account at any given point in 2008. I didn't want to run the risk of it getting broken, and me having to curse out a ghetto elementary school principal, and/or whoop some young kid's ass.

But then my little brother offered to give me $10 if I drove down to the ghetto and dropped off the sensor bar. And I knew I could use that $10. So I was like, fuck it, let me go ahead and take this damn sensor bar down to the ghetto.

Fast forward a few weeks later. My Wii is still at this elementary school down in the ghetto. No Boutros. If I would have known my Wii was gonna be gone for that long, I probably wouldn't have agreed to letting him use it. I definitely would have demanded more than $10. You can't get a Wii from Blockbuster for that long for $10, can you? (You can still get systems from Blockbuster, right?)

Yesterday, my little brother stopped by to play the new Guitar Hero, and the discussion somehow turned to my Wii. No homo. He was like, "Actually, I had to cop another Wii. I just haven't brought it by yet."

Again... the fuck!?!?!?!

A couple of weeks ago, he accidentally ingested some dog shit and had to spend a few days in the hospital. (I know, likely story.) While he was laid up, one of the kids at his school made off with my Wii. [||] Or, he thinks it may have been one of the temporary staff they recently hired on.

But I wonder if he was just saying that because, when you're a teacher, it's your natural tendency to want to protect your students and your cowokers. How could he know who stole my Wii? In fact, I wonder if he even has another Wii (of course, he's yet to bring it by here), or if he's out today frantically shopping for one.

It just goes to show: When you try to lend something to one of these schools, despite the fact that they already get money from the government, which came from your pockets in the first place, you're basically just buying someone else's kid a Christmas present.

What do you fruits think? Should I head down to the ghetto to conduct an interrogation process? Should law enforcement be involved? Or should I just charge this one to the game? After all, my little brother supposedly did cop me another Wii.