Common - Universal Mind Control: Album Review
Common, Universal Mind Control (Geffen, 2008)
Common was too busy acting in films to record another one of those boring-ass albums with Kanye West, who's batshit crazy now anyway, so he went and did a buncha club records with the Neptunes. Neither of the singles from this caught fire, and it ended up being pushed back from this summer to this December. Just how bad is it? Let's have a look.
INTRO/UNIVERSAL MIND CONTROL (UMC)
The one that sounds like it could be on the soundtrack to one of those early '80s era breakdancing movies. I can't turn the volume on my laptop down enough that it doesn't sound kinda distorted. Notice how the main synth figure is little bit louder even than Common's voice? Is that to cover up the fact that he isn't saying anything?
PUNCH DRUNK LOVE
Kanye is on this, but the world's most accurate encyclopedia says it was produced by the Neptunes, as was 70% of this album's 10 tracks, for all of my math enthusiasts out there. It's gay in the same way as some of the latter period Neptunes/Jay-Z collaborations. Like "Change Clothes," but with less pop appeal, despite the fact that this is supposed to be a full-on pop album.
MAKE MY DAY
Whoa, this is gay! It's got Cee-Lo (singing, natch), and I wouldn't be surprised if it was a throwaway from the sessions for the last Gnarls Barkley album, since it's got that same '60s rock (by way of '84-era Wham!) feel.
SEX 4 SUGAR
Sample lyrics from this abortion: "You call me Smoky and I'll call you the bear. The smell of sexy is all in the air." By sexy, I'm assuming he means anal leakage. Nullus.
ANNOUNCEMENT
The one where he riffs on several lines from Biggie records (er, bigs up his brother) over some meh from the Neptunes' budget line. Also the one where he says something along the lines of, "Freestyle paid off, Lincoln paid me. Now we can push more whips than slavery."
GLADIATOR
Only the actual sound of nails on chalkboard would be more obnoxious than the sound of the Neptunes' production on this. It's too bad, since it sounds like Common might be going in lyrically on this one. Well, relatively speaking. And I should note that, yeah, the chorus really does make reference to the Russell Crowe movie, as if there was never a such thing as that annoying fake Just Blaze record from the Black Album.
CHANGES
The requisite Barack Obama tribute. I've yet to mention here (because I just found out myself) that my mom actually has a Barack Obama art project. One of these days, I'll have to take a picture of it. I would have yesterday, but it didn't occur to me. I was pretty beat from post-Thanksgiving weekend at the BGM.
INHALE
The conscious streak continues, with what could have been an alright, if kinda lame-ass message rap in the tradition of any number of joints from the last few Common albums... if it wasn't for the damn Neptunes. Common can't help but be drowned out by layers of teh ghey synths and disco percussion.
WHAT A WORLD
Common kicks a seriously old school cadence (think Sugar Hill Gang or some shit) over what otherwise sounds like it could be a N*E*R*D record. In a bad way, natch.
EVERYWHERE
Sadly, this has nothing at all to do with the classic Fleetwood Mac record, which, you'll recall, was recently covered by Vampire Weekend. I'm surprised none of these rappers have found a way to flip that.
COMMENTS: So yeah, this album is just awful. Could it have been possible for Common to make a club album and not have it be the abortion that is Universal Mind Control? Maybe. But why? I wouldn't even want to hear a club album by an actual club artist, except for maybe the Rapture. (Which I'm sure most people only ever listen to on their laptops, in their mom's basements.) And you don't see... I don't know, Snoop Dogg going and doing his own version of Resurrection, now do you? Fuck this album.
BEST TRACKS: They're all about equally as gay, except for the ones that are a little bit gayer than the rest of them.
