Libraries shouldn't have special computer labs where bums can stroke it
According to Last Week's Poll
When I was in college, sometimes some of the bums from the town where the school was located would come into the school's library, Club Pickler, and use the computers.
No one really gave a shit, since there was roughly a gozillion computers on campus, and no one really bothered using the computers in the library, unless you just happened to be out and needed to check something, or you were working on a group project with a girl and you didn't want her to come to your room and accidentally look up at the ceiling.
I imagine for a lot of these bums, though, the computer labs on campus were their only access to the Internets. So not only were they reliant on these computers for checking their email and what have you, but for all of the various other reasons one might use the Internets.
You could see where this was gonna lead.
During the first of my several senior years of college, a bum was finally caught stroking it to Internets pr0n using one of the computers in the libraries. I was consulting Google just now, and I found the story about it in the school newspaper.
As I remember, they said this guy was roughly my age, but he wasn't a student in the university. They said that he was wearing red sweat pants and an olive-colored jacket at the time, which just wouldn't seem to make sense, unless you've spent a significant amount of time in Chicken Switch, MO, and that he was basically told he could never come on campus again, or else he'd be arrested.
They say this guy wasn't using one of the computers best suited for that sort of thing, and that it may have been his intention to get caught, or at least noticed. But it occurred to me: Why not have a few computers located in an area where that wouldn't be an issue?
Last week's poll had to do with whether libraries should have special computer labs where bums can stroke it. Check the results:
Should libraries have special computer labs where bums can stroke it?
- No (62.3%)
- Yes (37.7%)
Total Votes: 377
Again, I can't help but be surprised by the results of one of these polls.
I know a lot of you dudes have a generally anti-bum outlook, as I do. If I had a dollar for every time a bum came up to me looking to borrow some of my parents' hard-earned money, and I wondered whether anyone would give a shit if I just killed him, I could retire at the ripe old age of 27.
But I'm not so coldhearted that I can't sympathize with the plight of a man that doesn't have anywhere to choke his chicken.
I mean, sure you could just give it a tug in a public restroom, or in an alley, or at the back of the bus or whatever. But what's the real harm in giving these guys their own room in the library, where they can marvel at the magnificence of Internets pr0n - arguably the only thing in this life that's managed to improve since I've graduated high school?
Imagine if libraries had free access to all of the Internets pr0n there ever was, in the same way that they have free access to a shedload of other material no one gives a shit about.
Admit it, as much as you turn up your nose at the idea of a special computer lab where bums can stroke it, you'd be tempted to go have a look.
After the jump are the classic YouTube videos of Carl Monday investigating a guy who got caught stroking it at a library in Cleveland, and the subsequent Daily Show spoof.
