ByronCrawford.com

Yung Berg finds out just how cold the D really is

Man, Yung Berg just can't seem to catch a break!

First, he incurred the wrath of lonely black chicks the world over by admitting in a radio interview that he makes use of the paper bag test in his dating life. Then, his new album, Look What You Made Me, came out and did Little Brother numbers.

Now, I'm reading that he caught a beatdown (or as I like to call it, a Double-O) from some n-bombs in Detroit, who also robbed him of his dumbass Transformers chain.

A site called Necole Bitchie has a report. Supposedly, Yung Berg was in the D this weekend to perform at one of those radio station Summer Jams, but figured he'd better make a pit stop at a club before he showed up to the concert.

The club where he stopped is owned by Trick Trick, who I know once did a song with Eminem, but is probably most well known for beating the crap out of rappers who come through the D. But this report at Necole Bitchie is making it a point to note that Trick himself wasn't involved in the fight, and actually tried to break it up.

My guess is that Trick Trick must be "on paper" up there in the D, so he can't have people thinking he was involved with this.

So, of all of the clubs in Detroit, Yung Berg shows up to this one, which just so happens to be owned by a guy who beats up rappers from out of town as a hobby, and as soon as he gets there, he gets the crap beat out of him and has his chain snatched. Hmm...

Sounds like a setup to me. And honestly, I'm not sure what's so badass about beating up a guy like Yung Berg. My mom could rob Yung Berg.

Finally, just today, this picture has shown up on the Internets of this guy posing with Yung Berg's Transformers chain. Roffle.

If Detroit is anything like St. Louis (and it would appear that it is), probably every cop in the city knows this assclown just from his photograph. And yet, he doesn't seem to be concerned that everyone's gonna know that he's the guy who beat Yung Berg and stole his chain.

Should he be? Maybe not. I mean, it's not like Yung Berg can just call the cops and be like, "I was at Trick Trick's club, and these n-bombs robbed me and took my chain." Shit like that you just don't do.

Though if I'm Yung Berg, I'm sitting at home right now thinking about just how much of that "Hey Sexy Lady" money went into that dumbass chain. Obviously, his career's not gonna last forever.

Checkit: True Story: Yung Berg Catches A Beat Down, Chain Snatched… [Necole Bitchie]

Is this Michael Phelps' mother?

That's what Media Take Out is suggesting.

Reasonable Doubt > (What's the Story) Morning Glory?

According to Last Week's Poll
Lost in this bullshit supposed beef between Jay-Z and Noel Gallagher of Oasis, at least in the hip-hop community (where so much has been lost), is the fact that Oasis aren't just some random cracka-ass crackas from England.

I remember reading about this shit on some of these hip-hop sites back when it first began to pop off, and obviously a lot of people failed to realize that Oasis are one of the biggest groups evar, maybe even more so than Jay-Z. (Consult Wikipedia.)

Furthermore, for what it's worth, Oasis managed to put out two really good albums before their output experienced a substantial decline in quality, whereas Jay-Z only put out one. (You'll notice there was no 10th anniversary tribute concert for In My Lifetime Vol. 1.)

Last week's poll had to do with which album is the best, Jay-Z's Reasonable Doubt, or Oasis' (What's the Story) Morning Glory? Check the results.

Which is the better album?

1. Reasonable Doubt (73.7%)
2. (What's the Story) Morning Glory? (26.3%)

Total Votes: 390

When I put this poll up last week, the few people who gave a rat's ass, i.e. both of them, complained that (What's the Story) Morning Glory? isn't Oasis' best album, Definitely Maybe is. Maybe that's the case, maybe it isn't. But, having received most of my circa 1995 cues from MTV (back when you could be proud of saying such a thing), I'm more familiar with Morning Glory, and I figured everyone else would be as well. Nullus.

Anyway, I figured Oasis would have an uphill battle. I'm a big fan of both albums myself, and I wasn't even sure how I was gonna vote. (What's the Story) Morning Glory? is the shit, of course, but Reasonable Doubt is a singular hip-hop album. And they're so different, it really kinda comes down to what you'd rather be listening to on any given day. But that's just me. And I'm sure this site's readership is more familiar with the Jay-Z album than the Oasis album, even though the Oasis album outsold it by orders of magnitude.

***

You had to know someone was gonna put together a Jay-Z-Oasis mashup album. I haven't bothered to listen to Cookin' Soul's OJayZis, but the few clips I've heard of it sound like it might actually be listenable. Check the trailer for it after the jump.

***

Next week's poll, which I just released into the wild for your voting pleasure, has to do with whether or not the homeless should be required to sleep in camps. Vote early and vote often.

Obama picks Joe Biden (nullus?)

I'm watching CNN right now before I go work like a Hebrew slave at the BGM, and they're talking about the Obama's VP pick, Joe Biden, the guy who called him "clean" during the primaries.

They said the Biden VP pick was announced on TV a good two and a half hours before the text message came out. Also, the text message came out at 3 in the morning. The fuck? Did the cable networks force the Obama campaign's hand, or were they always planning on announcing it in the middle of the night, when only drunks like thoruaely77 were awake?

Did any of you fruits actually sign up to get the text message? I guess that kinda ended being a gyp, unless you were actually awake in the wee hours of this morning. Not that it cost anything other than what it costs to get a text message, but still.

East Coast Avengers "Dear Michelle"

Michelle Malkin's a bitch. That's not degrading to girls, that's degrading to female dogs across the world." - Esoteric of the East Coast Avengers

The East Coast Avengers are back, and this time there going at that beeyotch Michelle Malkin. Bonus!

Last week, I brought you the Avengers' "Kill Bill O'Reilly," their song going at the Fox News host. At the time, I figured O'Reilly himself might pick up on it and call them a buncha pinheads or some shit. But I don't even think Bill-O's been on the Factor at all this week. I had it on for a bit last night, and they had Laura Ingraham hosting. (Man, the things I'd do to her.)

And I'm assuming, since the TIs at Newscorp has had "Kill Bill O'Reilly" removed from the East Coast Avengers' MySpace, that once Bill-O gets back from whatever it is that he's doing (eating babies, I'm gonna guess), he's just gonna pretend none of this ever happened.

He probably figures the East Coast Avengers aren't popular enough to warrant dissing on TV. Plus, he can't have people thinking MySpace will censor your shit, if you dis Bill O'Reilly. That wouldn't be a good PR move.

In the place of "Kill Bill O'Reilly," the Avengers just added a new song to their MySpace, going at Michelle Malkin, who, as I mentioned last week, responded to "Kill Bill." You're gonna want to hurry up and check it out, before the TIs have it censored as well.

Stream "Dear Michelle" at the East Coast Avengers' MySpace.

East Coast Avengers @ MySpace

And after the jump is a video of East Coast Avengers' mention on Countdown with Keith Olbermann. It's pretty hilarious. Keith busts out some Vanilla Ice-era slang in naming them the worst people in the world.

Vampire Weekend "Everywhere" (Fleetwood Mac Cover)

Not to put anyone's business out there in the street, but my parents had the Fleetwood Mac version of this on cassette when I was a little kid. I even wrote about it here once a few years ago. (Jesus Christ, how fucking old am I?)

If I would have become a musician (er, a professional musician), rather than whatever it is that I am, I probably would have done a cover of this.

My bad to people who could give a rat's ass about Vampire Weekend, or even Fleetwood Mac, i.e. sadists.

Checkit: Vampire Weekend "Everywhere" [zShare via Hypeful]

And after the jump is the video of the Fleetwood Mac original.

Update: Kim Osorio did blow 50 Cent

According to 50 Cent, it was what set her on the road to the riches.

The following bit supposedly comes from Fiddy's social network, ThisIsFiddy. But you gotta be signed up to read that shit, and I wasn't about to extend that level of effort. It sounds like something Fiddy would say though.

Industry Asshole says when he recently asked 50 if it was true, his response was:

"I messed with Kim a while ago, she licked on my balls before the deal...when they weren't worth much. She licked my balls once and now shes a star. I got some advice for all aspiring women journalists, it may not make the best sellers list, but lick my balls and you are on the road to the riches!!" (via)

Roffle.

For any aspiring young female hip-hop journalists reading this... I'm no 50 Cent, but I'm sure there's plenty of people on the Internets who'd be interested in hearing about how you licked my balls.

It's been shown over the years, people are mad interested in my life, even more so than the shit I write about. Or is that just because my readership lacks the ability to conduct an argument that isn't ad hominem?

At any rate, you know where I can be contacted.

Also, finally, one of the guys in the office at XXL already read the book and says she hit both Nas and Fiddy, but that the timeline didn't necessarily match up for Fiddy to have stolen her from Nas. As if.

Previously: Did Kim Osorio blow 50 Cent?

Edubb "Whooty"

The song is kinda cool, in that it samples Yes' "Owner of a Lonely Heart" (or as the Chinese call it, "Owner of a Ronery Heart"), but otherwise it isn't particularly life-altering.

It'd be a cool song to listen to in a strip club, especially if some visionary were to open a PAWG-only strip club (seriously, someone hop on this), but that's about it.

The video though... holy shit!

Hip-hop just saved my life. Again.

Edubb "Whooty": original | radio | instrumental [zShare via Ian]

Check the video after the jump.

T-Baby "It's So Cold in the D"

How the fuck do we spose to keep peace?

via The Smoking Section

Even more foolishness after the jump.

Further proof Obama isn't really black

A magazine found Barack Obama's long lost brother, George Hussein Obama (apparently, the whole family got stuck with that middle name), living in a cardboard box somewhere over in Africa:

The Italian edition of Vanity Fair said that it had found George Hussein Onyango Obama living in a hut in a ramshackle town of Huruma on the outskirts of Nairobi.
[...]
He told the magazine: "I live like a recluse, no-one knows I exist."

Embarrassed by his penury, he said that he does not does not mention his famous half-brother in conversation.

"If anyone says something about my surname, I say we are not related. I am ashamed," he said.

He's even younger than I am, which would seem damn near impossible, given the fact that his father has been dead since 1982. It makes you wonder how many kids Barack Obama's father might have had, had he not died when he did.

You know it had to have occurred to Barack Obama at some point or another that having his father die at a relatively young age was probably the best thing that could possibly happen, given the circumstances. I mean, it's not like his daddy was cutting him a check anyway. And every once in a while you hear these stories about these Africans with something ridonkulous like a hundred wives, and even more children.

I'm not saying Barack, Sr. would have been that lucky. (Admit it, having hundreds of kids would be kinda awesome, so long as you don't have to feed 'em.) I'm just saying. You have to wonder how many half siblings Barack Obama could have before it started to become an issue. In fact, I'm kinda surprised John McCain hasn't commissioned the Temptation's "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" for an attack ad yet.

So Barack Obama gets points for having a father with umpteen outside kids he didn't bother to provide for. But how in the fuck is Barack Obama gonna have a half brother living in a cardboard box over in Africa? I think we all know good and well that, if the Obama family was authentically black, we would have been heard about George Hussein Obama trying to take out a loan on a Cadillac in his big brother's name.

Seriously, one of you ladies reading this needs to see about flying over to Africa and bringing this poor bastard back with you. This could be one of the best comeups since Lisa Raye became the first lady of Turks and Caicos.

Barack Obama's 'lost' brother found in Kenya [Telegraph]