Asher Roth, The Greenhouse Effect (Mixtape, 2008)
I keep seeing this dude, supposedly the new great white hope, featured on sites that'll just feature all kinds of shit, so I figured I'd better investigate. Is this guy the next Eminem, or the next Brian Austin Green? Both?
START THE SHOW
Asher Roth introduces himself and his black cosigners over some Kanye West record I'm not as familiar with. It sounds like one of those things that wouldn't have been particularly cool when Kanye did it, but lots of people would have liked it anyway.
Just what the Internets needed: The umpteenth version of "Roc Boys." A good six-plus months after anyone gave a shit. For whatever reason, I find myself liking pretty much everyone's version of this more than the Jay-Z original. It's probably the silly concept Jay used on the original.
Roth's attempt at a Stones Throw kind of thing. You know how white people love Stones Throw. I think they play it in the background on the Adult Swim, whatever the fuck that is.
DJ Drama, who doesn't seem to have been as involved with this tape, though his name and his likeness are on the cover, shouts some shit about being Mr. Thanksgiving.
Roth spits some hot fire over that same god-awful Cannon beat everyone raps over on these DJ Drama tapes. Note the creativity he shows in finding several different meanings for the term cannon.
BLACK MAGS REMIX
The harrowing tale of how a young Asher Roth threw up on a girl on his first day of kindergarten. It's probably more interesting if you were there.
MR. ME 2
The Clipse single that sealed the fate of Hell Hath No Fury as a devastating commercial failure. But I suppose it does have a certain familiarity to it.
This was a Fiddy record? It kinda cranks. At the beginning, for no apparent reason, Asher admits to having a thing for Asian chicks.
RUB ON YOUR TITTIES
A song about broads' cans. Though if you notice, he finds a way to work a reference to cans into a good half of the songs on this. See, if he was black, this would have been a song about girls' asses. This is definitely one aspect of white rap I can get behind. I could use a video for this like yesterday.
Another one of these ones where DJ Drama graces us with his presence for 30 seconds or so.
THE SUN GOD FREE
In general, I find that Asher comes off better over underground-sounding shit, like this joint from one of those Hi-Tek albums, rather than botched major label abortions like "Roc Boys" and "Mr. Me Too." But that might just be because I live to hate on shit.
Asher makes the case that he's entitled to be white and lame and still be considered just as compelling as some crazy black guy from the ghetto. Er, that's what I took from it. I'm sure that's not what Asher Roth thought he meant.
Yikes! Spoken word poetry! Make it stop!
Asher Roth raps about fucking his girlfriend, "Your Body Is a Wonderland"-style, over the most painfully obnoxious Timbaland beat evar.
The one where Asher most sounds like Eminem. It also sounds a lot like one of those awesome (my bad) Nelly Furtado records from last year. Don't be surprised if this, or something along these lines, shows up on your local white hip-hop station. You know, the one that plays a lot of crap produced by Polow Da Don.
GIMME YOUR BOX
In addition to a lot of songs about tits, there's a lot of songs about girls Asher Roth won't have sex with, and how he refuses to have more than one girlfriend. Hmm...
Is this an extra meta concept record about jerking off?
THE DAILY KUSH DOT COM
The last DJ Drama interlude. This one's even shorter than the first two. I didn't even catch what he said.
DEY KNOW ASHER
I didn't even care about this the first time, when it was called "Cannon."
Does DJ Drama have some kind of deal where he can use beats from major label albums, so long as they're not current in the least bit? Someone ought to look into that. "Roc Boys" might be the newest beat on this.
Remember what I was saying about white people watching Adult Swim? I rest on your face.
Damn, I even made a reference to John Mayer, and this is actually a cover of a John Mayer. I think people might have though I was kidding the other day, when I said I know more about white people than most white people.
COMMENTS: I hope DJ Drama and Don Cannon got a lot of money to act as this guy's black cosigners. (And I hope Cannon got twice as much as Drama...) Because this guy's a joke. It's not so much that he's completely untalented, or that he's unlikeable. He seems like he'd be a cool guy to have a Bud Light with. Just like the president. But as a rapper, I'm at a loss for why his career has advanced at the rate that it has, other than the fact that he's white. And you guys know I've been a booster for a number of white rappers over the years. I'm just saying.
BEST TRACKS: "Roth Boys" "humansirkme" "Battle Me"
BONUS VIDEO: "Roth Boys"