ByronCrawford.com

It's a man's prerogative to change his mind

Speaking of updates to stories from last week, here's an update to that story the other day about the Brothel Bus, down in Florida, where you could cop blowskis and lapdances from hoo-ers for $40.

I know just the other day I was saying that, if that bus was parked on the street outside my house, there was probably no way I wouldn't eventually be tempted to get on, $40 in hand. But that was before I knew what these hoo-ers look like.

So I'm gonna have to take back what I said.

Most likely, I probably still would have gotten on, just because the windows are tinted, and the allure of getting a lapdance on a bus - which I'm sure is way cooler than getting a lapdance on a nasty-ass strip club sofa. But once I saw the quality of the hoo-ers on this bus, I would have gotten right back off.

Er, I'm hoping I would. What if this bus had some kind of funky lighting scheme, where you couldn't tell just how fucked up these hoo-ers look? I mean, I'm sure most of the broads I've copped lapdances from aren't nearly as fantastic in actual daylight as they are in a strip club.

And what if this bus had some kind of bullshit no refunds policy? Like, you paid your $40 bucks to get on, but if you decided you don't want a lapdance from any of these beasts, some tiny, muscular Chinese man will kick the living shit out of you. In that case, I'd probably have to man up and take my shitty lapdance.

The Smoking Gun, which is just fucking resourceful, has pictures of the hoo-ers.

Checkit: The Girls on the Bus [The Smoking Gun]

You know what? Fuck Judge Judy

The episode of Judge Judy with Latarian "Real Talk" Milton, his mom and his grandma, which was supposed to be taping out in California this week, has been canceled.

Apparently, word got out that producers of the show talked the grandma into suing the mother, to get them to appear on the show. So Judge Judy went ahead and canceled the taping.

The other day, she released a statement saying quote: "Judge Judy does not believe in fostering litigation and if that is what happened, then canceling the case was the only option."

Judge Judy can't just have people thinking she purposely manipulates this country's legal system for her own personal benefit, even thought I'd be willing to bet that's standard operating procedure on her program.

Aside from any ethical concerns with making a sideshow of some poor kid, she could probably fuck around and get sued herself. I was researching this mess just now, and I came across the following report of this guy and his Jewish lawyer talking about how they're upset at how the situation is being exploited for profit.

Donald peel isn’t laughing.

He hasn’t worked since Latarian broadsided his truck.

“It’s hard, we’re barely making it,” he said.

He was fine with staying quiet until he saw Latarian on TV.

“It was upsetting. I was in the hospital. He said he didn’t care about hurt or damage he had done,” Peel said.

Peel’s attorney is infuriated by the way the accident is being exploited for profit.

Jonathan Levy of the high powered personal injury law firm “Rosenthal, Levy and Simon” is trying to reach a settlement with two insurance companies, while watching a child who did a lot of damage, make money on it and crowd the local court system with what he says is a frivolous lawsuit.

“Here’s an example of Judge Judy encouraging a suit to make it a real court case and get the kid on the show. This kid is being flown out to California on Judge Judy’s dime,” Levy said.

My guess is that, if Latarian and his grandma would have gotten any money from being on Judge Judy, this guy would have turned around and tried to sue them for it. Meanwhile, I wonder how fucked up this guy's neck really is. How come we didn't hear shit about him back when this happened?

Checkit: Latarian Milton's Hollywood Dreams Shattered [Dlisted]

And after the jump is couple of Latarian Milton videos I hadn't seen until just now. There's also some never before seen footage of him in the video accompanying the news report of the guy claiming his neck got hurt.

King Kong's baby sister

Is there a way I can quit hip-hop?

These Nazis is not playing!

Now I know why people who were around during World War II are referred to as the Greatest Generation. It must have been hell having to live under the threat of the Nazis for five years, or how ever long that shit lasted. The least we could do is pretend they're any better than us. I'm hardly even involved with this SOHH shit, and I'm fucking traumatized. I might have to go get me some alcohol!

Earlier today, I read on Sandra Rose about how private information about people with accounts at SOHH is out there in the wild, just waiting to be taken advantage of. I couldn't remember whether or not I had an account with SOHH, but who knows. The site's been around since forever, and with the amount of time I spend on the Internets, it wouldn't be out of the question. And I know I've corresponded with the broad who owns SOHH once or twice. (Nothing sexual, mind you.)

An hour or so ago, after I got done putting the finishing touches on my story for XXL today about that teh ghey hip-hop book, which I read this week (nullus), I went to a Mr. Goodcents to get myself a sandwich. I was hungrier than a motherfucker. I hadn't eaten since yesterday evening. So I went to Goodcents and got a sandwich, and as I was paying for it, the guy swiped my card was like, "Dude, it came up declined."

Man, I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. I don't even have that much money, but that's the thing. The last thing I need is for my shit to be wiped out all of a sudden, on some identity theft shit. As little as I get paid, who knows how long it would take for me to get back to the point where I knew for a fact that I could afford to drive to the BGM and drive back home. This blogging shit isn't as glamorous as it looks.

Fortunately, there was probably just something wrong with their bullshit-ass machine. They know I stay in there on the regular (every 10th sandwich is free, and I got six free sandwiches in 2007 - you do the math), and those sandwiches aren't cheap. So the guy was like, "Here, let me try it again." And it went through the second time.

Whew!

I got home just now, and come to find out, a) AllHipHop is down now, too (though I'm not sure if was haX0red, or if was taken down as a precautionary measure - either way, I'm sure it's costing them money); and b) the people who did this shit are the same people who took down the Church of Scientology's website. Whoa. You know if they took out the Church of Scientology, as powerful and as secretive as those crazed fucks are, these guys are no joke. Taking out SOHH and AllHipHop was probably nothing to them.

After I published my post earlier today about how SOHH had been haX0red, I updated it with a statement from the woman who owns SOHH talking about how they're gonna take legal action against whoever did this. But I'm wondering - did these guys ever get caught for what they did to the Church of Scientology, and whatever else it is that they've done? And if not, what's the likelihood that the government's gonna step their game up based on some shit they did to motherfucking SOHH.

File under "stuff white people like"

SOHH pwned by haX0rs

People keep emailing me about this, so I figured I'd better go ahead and weigh in on it. SOHH, maybe the most popular hip-hop website and definitely one of the oldest of them, has apparently been taken out by haX0rs, and I guess a lot of people who might otherwise be at SOHH today are at a loss for what to do.

I checked it just now, and I couldn't access SOHH at all. I don't know if the haX0rs managed to have it completely removed from the Internets, or if they just defaced the site to such a degree that its owners figured they'd better just go ahead and take it down. Some of the emails I received before (if you notice, I don't always wake up that early in the morning) were saying that the site was being spammed with Nazi pictures and headlines.

The especially well-produced video report on the issue after the jump suggests this might have been in retaliation against fuckery committed by people from a section of SOHH's forum called Just Buggin' Out, which, you'll recall, was the same place SOHH's infamous Pedophile Army was formed.

***

UPDATE: Here's a statement from SOHH re: the haX0ring:

Online Hip Hop Under Attack

As many of you are already aware, SOHH.com has been under attack by hackers this week. We noticed the first wave of attacks in our vBulletins forums and as of this morning the whole site was compromised.

It appears that hackers are specifically targeting Black, Hispanic, Asian and Jewish youth who ascribe to hip hop culture.  Other websites, including AllHipHop and Da Piff forums, have also been compromised or threatened this week.

We are managing this situation on several fronts. We have taken down the server to patch the security breach and put in protections for future attacks.  Also, as this is an international issue, it is being addressed by The FBI and the Strategic Alliance Cyber Crime Working Group.

We realize the hackers attacked SOHH.com because of our stature in the hip hop space and the people we serve.  Unfortunately, we did a poor job of protecting SOHH.com from imminent threats from people who hate our community simply because of our racial and ethnic makeup.

This has brought to light our vulnerabilities and those of the internet publisher and users as a whole. What's possible now is for us to join together to identify and eliminate this threat.

If you are under attack and have any information about these attacks please submit a report to the FBI cyber crimes unit here: https://complaint.ic3.gov/

Felicia Palmer CEO SOHH.com

And after the jump, beneath the video report, is a picture of what the SOHH home page looked like with all of the Nazi shit on it.

***

Previously:

• SOHH had its own pedophile army
• Keep it on the down low

Profiles of enterprising women

Ladies, Take Notes
Never let it be said that a woman never came up with a good idea. Down in Miami recently, a woman came up with the idea for some shit called the Brothel Bus, and I'd say it's about as good an idea as I've heard in quite some time. I'd say it's an even better idea than inviting Latarian "Real Talk" Milton's family to appear on an episode of Judge Judy.

The way it works is, a huge stretch limousine - one of those party buses - would ride around looking for guys who looked like they could use some... you know, female interaction. For $40, you could get on the bus, and hoo-ers would give you a lap dance or some head.

I know, I told you it was awesome.

I'm not even that big a fan of the lap dance. I mean, I think the act itself is fucking fantastic. It's just that I object on principle to giving a woman money for anything. It's too bad women don't just rub their knees into a brother's joint until he climaxes for free, just because they sympathize with a man's plight. Think about that shit the next time you spring for drinks in a club.

That being said, there's hardly any way, if some shit like that pulled down my street, I wouldn't get on it. I'd be halfway tempted to just give them some money on GP, just for having the right idea. Let alone the allure of dry-humping.

The only real issue I could see is if you got on the bus, and there was one of those muscular 5'3" Chinese guys, like they sometimes send to your house when you have a stripper over for a private party. You know how it is when you're in the heat of the moment. Sometimes you get carried away. I'm not trying to spend $40 just to get my ass kicked.

But I digress.

So of course law enforcement had to intervene. The broad who came up with the idea for this shit got arrested the other day and charged with all types of shit. They pretty much threw the book at her ass. But my thing is, okay, you can't just ride around selling blowjobs. But if it's legal to get a lapdance in a strip club, how come it isn't legal to get a lapdance on a bus?

The visionary woman who came up with this shit might want to see about arguing this case all the way up to the Supreme Court, if she has to. I might even have to donate some money to her legal defense fund, and you fruits know my financial situation. Maybe she could throw in a free lapdance to take away some of the sting of having to part with my hard-earned money.

Checkit: Police Bust South Beach Brothel on Wheels [WIOD NewsRadio]

Meanwhile, speaking of hoo-ers, not to mention brilliant women, the other day, I came across the story of this woman who's been putting on strip shows on the subway. Basically, what she does is, she gets on the train and starts pole dancing. She even has music with her that she plays. And if guys like it, they throw her money.

So simple, yet so brilliant.

The only thing is, this is over in Romania. You had to know no woman here in the US would pull some shit like that. Here, a woman's ego is such that she'd probably go hungry before she stripped in a subway. As if there's ever a reason why a woman should go hungry. Plus, women here are so fat these days, I'm kinda glad we don't have any shit like that.

You can check out the broad from Romania after the jump, in a video someone took of her. However, as was the case yesterday, with my uncut video roundup, I'm gonna have to insist that no kids watch this shit. I don't wanna ruin anyone's life.

Latarian "Real Talk" Milton is back!

This week just keeps getting better and better. First, I found all of those uncut videos, and now, it's been announced that Latarian "Real Talk" Milton is gonna be on TV. What's next, is Natalie Portman gonna show up to my house with some fried chicken?

In case you've been living under a rock these past few weeks, Latarian Milton is the seven year-old boy from Florida who stole his grandma's SUV on dubs and took it on a joyride in a Costco parking lot, causing countless thousands of dollars of damage in the process. The video of the news segment with him talking about how he has a friend who likes to smoke with cigarettes and explaining how it's fun to do bad things is some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

Then, a week or so later, he damn near managed to one up himself. He was placed in a hospital for mental evaluation after he beat the living shit out of his aforementioned grandma in a Wal-Mart, because she wouldn't buy him, you guessed it, some chicken wings. Unfortunately, there's no video of this incident that's been made available to the public. But there was another news segment, complete with more footage of him looking fucking hilarious.

For his next act, he's gonna be appearing on an episode of Judge Judy, along with his grandma, as well as his mother, who's yet to appear in any of these news segments. I'm assuming she has drug issues, which is how the grandma got custody of Latarian in the first place. A story in the Palm Beach Post the other day breaks down how the mother and the grandma were convinced to appear on the show. The fucked up thing about it is, it sounds like the producers of the show talked Latarian's grandma into suing his mother just to get them to appear on the show.

To wit:

"Judge Judy contacted me about two days after my grandson took the SUV," Stratford recalled Monday.

That was April 25, when drivers called 911 to report "a small person driving a car" in the vicinity of Northlake Boulevard and Congress Avenue in Lake Park. No one was hurt, but the boy was charged with stealing the car, then returned to his family.

"I said, 'Oh, no, my dignity means more to me than your show,' " Stratford said she told Judge Judy producers. "I watch Judge Judy, and I know what she's capable of."

Next, the producers called the boy's mother.

"I have mixed feelings because I kind of think this will look like a reward to him," Mickeens said.

But both women agreed to play along. So on May 23, Stratford sued her daughter in Palm Beach County Court for $5,000.

"I didn't know I had grounds to sue my daughter until Judge Judy called and told me what grounds I could sue her on," Stratford said. "I would have sued. I just didn't know how."

Stratford said she was told the show will pay any money the judge awards. The family will get a trip to Hollywood and a fee out of the deal as well.

"She pays you to be on the show," said Stratford, who declined to say how much she and her daughter would split. "But it's worth my while. Trust me."

That's real talk.

Checkit: Boy's joy ride puts family before 'Judge Judy' [Palm Beach Post via C&D]

Previously:

• The gulliest seven year-old of all time
• Someone get this child some help before he kills us all
• The South continues to lose

Viva the uncut video

WSHH Is Saving Hip-Hop
The other day, I checked World Star Hip-Hop to make sure there weren't any new videos of random-ass dudes getting their asses kicked in the street, and Puerto Rican broads in the bathroom stripping down to their underwear, and I noticed they'd uploaded a few "uncut" videos.

Then I checked the next day, and I noticed they'd uploaded a few more uncut videos.

Whoa!

Not only is World Star Hip-Hop doing the important work of uploading and hosting uncut videos on the Internets, but they also seem to be finding older uncut videos I never even heard of. And it's not like I haven't spent a lonely (or as the Chinese would say, ronery) evening or two scouring the Internets for them.

Some of the ones they're coming up with are even too uncut to have ever played on BET Uncut, or YouTube. Which makes you wonder why they were made in the first place. Was it just for the awesomeness of watching naked dance around to ignorant-ass rap music?

Of course, I had to post them here. You fruits already know my position on uncut videos. Now that the Oprah Lobby has succeeded in having BET Uncut taken off the air, it's more important than ever that we - as Jello Biafra would say - become the media.

So after the jump, I've put together a collection of uncut videos that have been featured on World Star Hip-Hop recently. I'm gonna have to warn anyone under the age of 18 not to watch them, lest their lives be ruined. Seriously, some of these videos go way further than anything that was ever on BET Uncut.