Lil Wayne - Tha Carter III: Album Review

Lil Wayne, Tha Carter III (Cash Money, 2008)
You guys know I wouldn't interrupt my weekend for some shit like this. This review was written by Akuma. I got fucked the fuck up yesterday and didn't realize this shit leaked until just now. Word on the plantation is that mixtape DJs did it, because they were pissed at something Weezy said in some interview. Roffle.

3 PEAT

When Wayne does his ‘straining’ style all I can think is that constipation must be a side effect of all that sizzurp sippin’.

MR CARTER

I do wish Weezy wouldn’t talk about being hard so much. It gives me a bad mental image. (nullus).

A MILLI

“I have a venereal disease” explains the Lil’ one. And that’s probably not all, by now

GOT MONEY

Pre-nullus: “I ain’t never been a chicken but my semi cock”. I mean honestly. Perhaps chicks will like that.

COMFORTABLE

If you’re not already a fan then none of this is going to convert you. This sounds like a John Legend record featuring Lil’ Wayne or something.

PHONE HOME

Lil’ Wayne: So, I’ve got this great concept for a record.

Birdman: Really?

Lil’ Wayne: Yeah, it’s like E.T., except E.T. is me.

Birdman: That really is a good idea. Come and give daddy a kiss.

DR CARTER

It’s 2008 and Swizz Beatz is sampling David Axelrod while DJ Shadow is making hyphy. Like Marvin said, “What’s Going On?”

TIE MY HANDS

Wayne wishes to be tied up and abused.

SHOOT ME DOWN

This beat sounds like Eminem trying to write a beat whilst suffering from pain-killer withdrawal. Is this a Coldplay sample or something? Some awful wailing on the chorus.

PLAYIN’ WITH FIRE

A shitty re-played version of Ruth Copeland’s “Playing With Fire”, but with enough notes and lyrics changed that they probably won’t have to play publishing.

LOLLIPOP

Cheesy as fuck but I guess it does pretty much sum up Wayne, and mainstream hip-hop, in 2008, for what it’s worth.

LA LA

Utterly retarded.

NOTHIN’ ON ME

Slightly more listenable raps then average for this album, due to Fabolous and Juelz Santana. Note: slightly.

LET THE BEAT BUILD

People have complained that Kanye isn’t contributing to the next Common album, but if this is what he had planned him then I guess we should all be grateful.

MRS OFFICER

A ‘woman’ cop pulls Wayne over. Before you know it they’re having sex, ala Wayne’s condom advert. Just another day in the crazy life of Weezy!

MISUNDERSTOOD

No rap song ever has the right to be almost 10 minutes long. Especially one this mediocre and uninspired.

COMMENTS: Almost exactly as I expected it to sound. Will probably sell a few hundred thousand copies to teenage girls who don’t know any better.

BONUS VIDEO: "Lollipop"