Reasons to support Barack Obama

The following list was put together by long-time reader "G-Money," who went to the same high school I as I did, albeit a decade or so earlier. He was probably there during the Sklar brothers era. (Perhaps one day kids will refer to the late '90s as the Bol era at North.) He's definitely got that Creve Coeur sense of humor.

G-Money’s Top 30 reasons to work for an Obama Presidency:

1. “Hail to the Chief” theme music replaced with this old-school classic
2. Presidential limo equipped with hydraulics,  25 inch spinning chrome rims, and curb feelers.
3. Goodyear blimp permanently stationed above Washington DC:  Sign reads Obama’s a PIMP.
4. Combined Fat Burger/Popeye’s restaurants on every corner.  Mild no monger a menu choice (Sorry crackers).
5. Beyonce’s fly booty declared a national treasure.
6. International Street Cred.
7. Funk-a-Delic forced to reunite by Presidential decree
8. Annual White House Kwanzaa-Fest off the chain.
9. Slavery Reparations:  Paid in full (or so whitey thinks).
10. Cable/Satellite providers forced to add new channel:  All Sanford and Son: All the time.
11. Black History month every month.
12. Workplace coffee breaks replaced with Gin and Juice breaks.
13. 1964 Impala convertibles brought back into production.
14. Press 1 for Spanish:  Press 2 for Ebonics.
15. No talent Cracka-ass-Cracka bands like Nickleback banned from public airways.
16. 1st President since Lincoln that’s down with the struggle.
17. Dave Chappelle appointed Secretary of Agriculture.
18. Hot Dogs and Apple Pie replaced by Pigs feet and Collard Greens.
19. Owner of London and Sons Wing House given Presidential medal of Freedom
20. Da’ Chronic replaces Meth as national drug of choice.
21. Annual DEA budget slashed to .5% of current budget.
22. “Straight Up Buggin’” declared by the American Medical Association as a recognized medical diagnosis.
23. Ability to administer “Presidential Pimp Slap” to rouge nations.
24. Colt 45 declared official beverage of the White House.
25. Gap Band appointed as official Presidential house band.
26. Monthly rations of Gub’mint cheese replaced by cases of Hennessey.
27. Big Boi and Jay Z appointed as International ambassadors of “Flava”.
28. Detroit given Katrina-Style federal cash infusion so they can finally get their shit straight.
29. Obama girl official White House spokes-babe.
30. “The Man” ordered to stop keeping us down by Presidential decree.

And after the jump is a video of a 'tard who's somehow managed to make a better case for voting for Obama than any of the guy's actual supporters. (What does that tell you?) He's got a blog, too, and the shit's fucking hilarious - way funnier than that damn Stuff White People Like.