ByronCrawford.com

Eliot Spitzer's other hoo-er

So the other day, another one of these escort services in New York got busted (can a hooker live, seriously?), and come to find out, none other than Eliot Spitzer had been a long-time client.

This place was called Wicked Models, and was run by this broad named Kristin Davis - not to be confused with arguably the best-looking chick on Sex and the City (I know, I know), who's had her own share of sexual issues lately, with pictures of her fellating some dude turning up on the Internets.

According to financial documents and other evidence uncovered in the bust, Eliot Spitzer had been worked on, on numerous occasions, by this broad Kristin, pictured above, going back to 2003.

As you can see, she's got ridonkulous cans - the kind that are so big that you'd probably have to have pretty big cans in the first to be able to get such large implants. But on the other hand, she kinda looks like a tranny, and I've been especially wary of trannies as of late, what with the revelation that a tranny out in Washington has actually gotten pregnant.

The technology is that good now.

So I can honestly say that I'm at a loss for whether or not I would bang this broad. Just because she has a pussy doesn't necessarily mean she always did. With a face like that, I'd at least see if this place Wicked had another broad with comparable boobs first. Nhjic.

What do you fruits think? I've posted several photos of her that ran in today's New York Post after the jump. My bad that they aren't very big [That's what she said! -- Ed.]; I guess they want you to buy the paper.

Britney Spears, apparently, can't sing

Well, of course she can't. Her whole thing was always that she was this barely 18 year-old girl that you'd love to fuck. Now, her thing is that she used to be this barely 18 year-old girl that you'd love to fuck and now she just looks like shit, and she's not even that old. And maybe she'll commit suicide - which would almost certainly be caught on camera, given how swarmed she is with paparazzi at all hours of the day and night.

I'm not sure if it's common knowledge though that it's not actually her singing on her records. Er, not entirely her. According to motherfucking Henry Rollins, who must record his angry spoken word shit in the same studio, they have an older black woman come in and sing Britney's lines for her. Then Britney records her lines over them and they mix the two together. Kinda like what they used to do with Milli Vanilli back in the day, but much more technologically advanced.

(Oddly enough, the one gulliest guy from Milli Vanilli ended up killing himself as well. Remember those episodes of Behind the Music? That was the shit.)

Here's the operative bit, from a recent interview with Henry Rollins:

“They have the black chick come in and sing, and Britney sings over it, and they mix them together. (Britney) gets her phrasing basically from this older R&B woman. I found that out talking to an engineer. Britney apparently isn’t actually the worst singer, she just has no feel. So they bring in this older black woman who sings the song, then Britney sings to it, and they kind of make a mix of the two voices, and that’s what you hear on the records.” (via)

Only thing is, I doubt this will be as big a deal as when Milli Vanilli got caught cheating (how obvious was that, in retrospect?), since I doubt she has any Grammys she would need to give back, and since I think you have to take it for granted these days that any singing you hear on the radio is done with the aid of a computer.

Checkit: Henry Rollins Claims Britney Spears Didn't Sing Alone on Her Album [Cleveland Leader]

And after the jump is some Henry Rollins ranting re: technology in music that I think is particularly relevant to the hip-hop community.

It's official: Bol > The LA Times

Bol, a week and a half ago:

As far as whether or not Big and Puff had anything to do with it, I’m gonna suggest that they didn’t, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I’m a Biggie stan to the end. Second of all, Chuck Philips’ main evidence that this is the case comes from an unnamed FBI informant, and my tendency is to not want to believe any claims made unnamed FBI informants. For all we know, this could just be some jail house snitch looking for time off of his sentence.

The LA Times, today:

A Los Angeles Times story about a brutal 1994 attack on rap superstar Tupac Shakur was partially based on documents that appear to have been fabricated, the reporter and editor responsible for the story said Wednesday. [...]

"In relying on documents that I now believe were fake, I failed to do my job," [reporter Chuck] Philips said in a statement Wednesday. "I'm sorry."

My concern here is this: This guy Chuck Philips has a Pulitzer Prize, albeit for some reporting that may not have anything to do with this. But why shouldn't the Pulitzer Prize be like pro wrestling, where if one journalist, i.e. myself, pwns another journalist, said journalist should be able to take his Pulitzer Prize? I might have to have a talk with the committee.

Checkit: The Times apologizes over article on rapper [Los Angeles Times]

Also, if you haven't already, you should check out the piece on the Smoking Gun about this guy Jimmy Sabatino. It's some fascinating shit. I'm sure it would make for a much more interesting Notorious B.I.G. film than the one that's being made right now - along the lines of Catch Me If You Can, but more hip-hop and more nucking futs.

New Obama Girl videos

So apparently, the people who did that dumbass Obama Girl video last year figured they'd might as well keep doing them, since the original has gotten something like 6 gozillion views on YouTube.

I see they've got some sort of deal with YouTube, where YouTube runs ads underneath their videos (if you actually watch them within YouTube), and I'm assuming they get some sort of cut of that. Though who knows how well that kind of advertising pays.

Oh, who am I kidding? Those assholes are probably making a mint.

I'm sure I've contributed quite a bit myself. I've spent perhaps the better part of the past hour checking them out - for the sake of journalism, natch - after coming across one just now.

It appears that the subsequent videos are even more retarded than the first one, which wasn't so brilliant itself. But this girl, Amber Lee Ettinger... holy shit! The face might be a little bit haggard, but the cans are ridonkulous.

I've posted several of these videos after the jump, for your viewing pleasure. Note that this isn't even anywhere near half of them though. For the rest of them, check the YouTube profile of Barely Political, the video blog that created them.

Black Milk & Fat Ray - The Set Up: Album Review

Black Milk & Fat Ray, The Set Up (Fat Beats, 2008)
Black Milk is the kid from Detroit who put out one of last year's better rap albums, Popular Demand. Fat Ray is the guy that holds the bag that has the weed in it when they're at the airport, in case there's any issues with John Q. Law.

• Black Milk @ MySpace

Barack Family Photo

This is an email cracka-ass crackas have been circulating amongst themselves.

According to Snopes, the photo does include some members of Obama's extended family (like many black people here in the States, Obama has umpteen half brothers and sisters), but they aren't actually on crack, or acting in teh ghey pr0n. Er, at least as far as we know.

Here's a list Snopes put together of the people in the photo's actual identities.

Front row (left to right): Auma Obama (Barack's half-sister), Kezia Obama (Auma's mother), Sarah Hussein Onyango Obama (the third wife of Barack's paternal grandfather), unidentified woman.

Back row (left to right): Unidentified man, Barack Obama, Abongo [Roy] Obama (Barack's half-brother), unidentified woman, unidentified man, unidentified man.

It's official: Bol > The Jackson Family

Except for the women, who at least had their vaginas to fall back on.

No but really, the New York Post recently conducted an investigation the Jackson family's financial state of affairs, and it turns out their shit is fucked the fuck up. The women have at least found a way to talk a man into giving them some money, but the men might seriously want to consider taking up blogging.

The story in the New York Post included the following rundown of how the various members of the clan are making ends meet these days.

Joseph Jackson, 79 and Katherine Jackson, 77

Dad hustles various girl groups in Las Vegas. Mom is still a stay-at-home housewife and the only family member in contact with Michael. Both have previously filed for bankruptcy

Janet Jackson, 41

The current family breadwinner. She bought her mom a Vegas home in anticipation of losing the family's mansion, Hayvenhurst, to foreclosure. Like their Neverland colleagues, workers at Hayvenhurst have not been paid for months.

La Toya Jackson, 52

Family turncoat who declared Michael guilty during the 1993 molestation case, she earns a living mostly in Europe and in the UAE judging beauty and singing contests. She lives with a wealthy boyfriend in Beverly Hills and has little contact with her siblings.

Rebbie Jackson, 57

The oldest, she's married to successful businessman Nathaniel Brown.

Tito Jackson, 55

Formed a blues band several years ago and plays at small venues for $500 to $1,500 a gig.

Michael Jackson, 49

On the verge of losing Neverland ranch as well as the family's Encino, Calif., home. He's hiding out in Las Vegas and repeatedly makes promises to his brothers while sabotaging any attempts by them to ply their musical trade.

Randy Jackson, 46

Does odd jobs like changing tires to support himself. He was Michael's business manager during the 2005 molestation trial but ran into serious problems with friends after he persuaded three people to take out lines of credits against their homes to help Michael pay his attorney fees and Michael stiffed them.

Marlon Jackson, 51

Lives in San Diego, where he works stocking groceries at a Vons supermarket. He fell on hard times three years ago when he was forced to leave his foreclosed home and move into an Extended Stay America hotel with his wife, Carol.

Jackie Jackson, 56

The oldest son started an Internet clothing business and is trying to produce records by his sons. Nothing has panned out.

Jermaine Jackson, 54

Splits time between the parents' Hayvenhurst mansion and his girlfriend's home in the San Fernando Valley. With more than $5 million in federal, state and other liens against him and a 1995 bankruptcy filing, he doesn't work or have a regular income.

Checkit: JACKO CLAN IN A DEEP FUNK [New York Post]

Blind people should be allowed to hold elected office

According to Last Week's Poll
I created this poll this past Monday morning, a mere matter of hours before this guy David Paterson was sworn in as the governor of New York.

Soon after, him and his wife were announcing that the two of them had "stepped out" on one another, during a rough patch in their marriage a few years. I guess he figured he'd better preempt any photos emerging of him balls deep in any of his interns - since I'm difficult to know for certain if there's any cameras in the room when you can't see shit.

Which brings me to the point of last week's poll. Should blind people be allowed to hold elected office? Check the results.

Should blind people be allowed to hold elected office?

1. Yes (127 votes)
2. No (63 votes)

I'll admit, I'm surprised at the results of this one. I figured a few people might be swayed to vote for the PC option, but not a clear majority of this site's readership. It must be because the guy's black, and black people are willing to put up with a certain degree of shortcomings in black elected officials, as evidenced by the likes of Kwame Kilpatrick.

Personally, I would have had to vote no - my reasoning being that the guy can't see shit, and as such it would just be too easy for him to be duped. You could hand him a bill making it legal for grown people to have sex with children, and he'd probably sign it, thinking it was a contract for road construction or some shit. (R. Kelly would have a field day!)

Granted there's braille, and women whose job it is to read shit to blind people (at tax payers' expense, I'm sure), and what have you, but what if there's an emergency? If al Qaeda decides to strike again (god forbid), do you really want the safety of the state of New York dependent on the emotional stability of some secretary?

I nailed the #@!# out of him!

Screw pulling people over and reading them their rights, police down in South Carolina have recently taken to trying to run suspects over with their cars - seemingly as a matter of official force policy.

The reason I suspect this is the case is because it apparently takes place fairly often down there. Two different videos of such incidents have hit the Internets in the past week or so. Who knows how many times this has actually happened.

I've posted both of the clips after the jump for your viewing pleasure.

In the first one, a cop in a car chases a guy on foot down the street then around a corner. Then you can see where he purposely started to swerve so he could run the guy over. Afterwards, he remarks to one of his racist cop buddies about how he nailed the fuck out of the guy. You get the idea this is not the first time he's done this.

The second clip might even be more ridiculous. The police, in a car, chase another car right to the edge of these projects, where a guy jumps out and start running into a courtyard. But then the cop car takes off after the guy into the courtyard. The guy looks back like, "I can't believe these cracka-ass crackas are chasing me through the projects in a car," and he almost gets run over. They chase him around corners and up and down sidewalks and past a playground. They could have very easily run over some kids, who were playing nearby.

From what I understand, the incidents depicted in these videos took place last year, and had more or less been swept under the rug until the videos hit the Internets just now. The offending officers were suspended for two or three days, and one guy who was dropping a lot of dreaded n-words had to go to diversity training, like on the Office. But now the Feds are looking into it, since the videos are all over the Internets. So who knows what might happen.

Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if they still got away with that shit. Lord knows the police have gotten away with way worse.

Checkit: Feds probe SC Highway Patrol after videos show racial slur, suspects hit by cars [International Herald Tribune]

Am I my brother's keeper?

As many of you fruits may know, I have a brother who's only a year or so younger than I am, but he stands a good eight inches shorter than I do, and he weighs maybe half as much. We don't look very much alike.

He's not married, but if he was, and I resembled him in the least bit, and his wife was especially hot, I might be tempted to pull some shit like this.

The following is from a Dear Abby column that ran Monday.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27, and my wife, "Marybeth," is 26. We recently went to my folks' house for supper. That evening a heavy snowstorm was starting and, because the trip home is 30 miles, we decided to stay overnight.

My old bedroom is upstairs, as are the rooms of my brothers, ages 25, 24 and 22. The guest room is downstairs. Because the room is quite small, and Marybeth said she felt a cold coming on, we decided I'd sleep in my old room.

The next day, while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.

Abby, it wasn't me! She had mistaken one of my brothers for me in the darkness. We are all about the same size and build.

I have talked to each of my brothers (they all know about this), but they won't say who it was for fear of causing a rift between the guilty party and me. I told them that unless I find out who it was, there will be a permanent rift between all of us. (Marybeth still doesn't know it wasn't me.)

How do I handle this? -- ENRAGED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

Roffle!

Of course I wouldn't though. Because forcing a woman to have sex with you against her will is wrong, regardless of what she might be wearing at the time. (Though it's somewhat more understandable if she's all exposed like that.)

I'll go ahead and throw it out there: If your brother pulled some shit like this, what would you do? Beat the crap out of both of your brothers on GP? Or would you let that shit slide and just not let your wife sleep in the same house as your brother again?

I guess technically, the time-honored tradition of bros before hoes wouldn't apply in this case, since it's your wife. But it's usually not actually your brother either. Hmm...

Checkit: HUSBAND REMAINS IN THE DARK ABOUT WIFE'S NIGHTTIME VISITOR [Yahoo! News]

And after the jump is Fiddy Cent gloating about Fat Joe's first week album sales, which I found rather amusing. Note the Harvard cap.