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March 13, 2008

Eliot Spitzer's hoo-er... holy shit!

Eliot Spitzer's hoo-er

I probably wouldn't spend my last $4,300 on some pussy (and any $4,300 would be my last $4,300), but you have to admit, it's kinda nice to know that pretty much the best pussy possible only costs that much.

Even for my broke-ass, it wouldn't be entirely outside the realm of possibility. In fact, even as I'm typing this, I'm beginning to debate how much I value living indoors. (Er, how I'd explain to my parents why I'm moving back in with them.)

Which is not to say that this broad is definitely the best-looking girl ever, but she might actually be up there. I don't even think the dudes from this site's comments section, who live to front about pussy over the Internets, could complain too much.

And proud black man that I am, I don't know that I'm enough of connoisseur of white pussy that I'd be able to distinguish anyway. Even broads who I'm told are way average-looking kinda do it for me. The Eskimos might have 100 different words for ice, but if you aren't from Alaska, how could you even tell which is which?

I'm reminded of a line from one of Dave Chappelle's old stand-up routines, back before he went all batshit. Namely, his remark that pussy has been entirely undervalued in our society. Girls are giving it away for way less than they could probably get for it. If it was a stock, it would be hitting rock bottom right about now.

Not that I'm complaining or anything. I'm just saying. From now on, it's gonna be difficult not to keep a running tally every time I'm forced to spend money on a broad. (And something tells me there's going to be plenty of times.) Every time said tally hits $4,300, I'm gonna think of what I could have had, albeit only for like an hour, and I'm probably gonna feel gypped.

Or maybe I'll get lucky and strike it rich, and I won't have to compromise.

Checkit: Report: Spitzer call girl identified [Yahoo! News]

And after the jump are several pictures from this broad's MySpace, pilfered by the estimable Shabooty. The one in the bikini is obviously being printed off, laminated, and stuck in my wallet, for break time at the BGM, but I'm also quite partial to the ones of her in the maid outfit. If I was gonna bang a hoo-er, I'd make her wear one of those, at least as we started out.

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

Kristen

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Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.

Copp dat:NaS Lost

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