Am I my brother's keeper?

As many of you fruits may know, I have a brother who's only a year or so younger than I am, but he stands a good eight inches shorter than I do, and he weighs maybe half as much. We don't look very much alike.

He's not married, but if he was, and I resembled him in the least bit, and his wife was especially hot, I might be tempted to pull some shit like this.

The following is from a Dear Abby column that ran Monday.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27, and my wife, "Marybeth," is 26. We recently went to my folks' house for supper. That evening a heavy snowstorm was starting and, because the trip home is 30 miles, we decided to stay overnight.

My old bedroom is upstairs, as are the rooms of my brothers, ages 25, 24 and 22. The guest room is downstairs. Because the room is quite small, and Marybeth said she felt a cold coming on, we decided I'd sleep in my old room.

The next day, while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.

Abby, it wasn't me! She had mistaken one of my brothers for me in the darkness. We are all about the same size and build.

I have talked to each of my brothers (they all know about this), but they won't say who it was for fear of causing a rift between the guilty party and me. I told them that unless I find out who it was, there will be a permanent rift between all of us. (Marybeth still doesn't know it wasn't me.)

How do I handle this? -- ENRAGED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

Roffle!

Of course I wouldn't though. Because forcing a woman to have sex with you against her will is wrong, regardless of what she might be wearing at the time. (Though it's somewhat more understandable if she's all exposed like that.)

I'll go ahead and throw it out there: If your brother pulled some shit like this, what would you do? Beat the crap out of both of your brothers on GP? Or would you let that shit slide and just not let your wife sleep in the same house as your brother again?

I guess technically, the time-honored tradition of bros before hoes wouldn't apply in this case, since it's your wife. But it's usually not actually your brother either. Hmm...

Checkit: HUSBAND REMAINS IN THE DARK ABOUT WIFE'S NIGHTTIME VISITOR [Yahoo! News]

And after the jump is Fiddy Cent gloating about Fat Joe's first week album sales, which I found rather amusing. Note the Harvard cap.