ByronCrawford.com

I told you don't touch daddy's Xbox

I'm not gonna lie, I've had instances where I was playing a video game, and some thoughtless sack of shit walked past the TV and kicked out the cord, and the first thought that came to my mind was: Where's that sharp knife we used to have?

I suppose the fact that I've never gone looking for it could be viewed as either a) proof of just how fucking lazy I am, or b) the difference between myself and the likes of this guy Tyrone Spellman, pictured above. Perhaps both.

The other day, Tyrone Spellman was convicted of pummeling his baby daughter to death after she had the sheer balls to screw with daddy's Xbox.

No, really:

A man who played video games for hours each day has been convicted of killing his 17-month-old daughter when she pulled out his Xbox console.

[...]

Prosecutors in Philadelphia believe he pummelled Alayiah Turman, cracking her skull several times, while her pregnant mother slept in another room on September 7, 2006.

Damn.

That's so disgusting I almost can't see the humor in it.

Almost.

Checkit: Father Kills Daughter Over Xbox Console [Sky News]

The Slap is back!

Bol, years ago:

I was going to find a clip of the infamous Slap Heard 'Round the World on YouTube, but I couldn't find one. Does anyone else find that amazing? Not the fact that I wasn't able to find the shit (I'm sure it's not there), but the fact that YouTube has six gozillion videos on it and no one thought to upload arguably the greatest video clip in history.

Amazingly, as many videos as there are on YouTube, there's still no Slap Heard 'Round the World, years after the fact.

It could be the case that it was there at some point but it's since been removed, but I doubt it, since I've checked several times over the years, going all the way back to when YouTube began, i.e. ancient history. (Not that that's the kind of shit I spend my time doing.)

And I'd check the MTV website, because I know they've got that Overdrive shit now, but I doubt it's on there. If there was any classic Real World shit on there at all, something tells me I would have heard about it by now. In fact, I'm pretty sure they sold those pre-Hawaii seasons off into syndication a long time ago. I haven't even heard them mentioned on MTV in ages.

Also, there's the matter of Irene going around after the fact claiming that The Slap constituted serious abuse, and yet MTV was trying to profit off of it; and claiming that the real reason she left was because she realized how bullshit the show was, and the ridonkulous level of product placement that was going on, as revealed on one of those Jello Biafra spoken word albums from the late '90s/early '00s. I forget which one.

Fortunately, the fruits over at Gawker Media, who supposedly recently made a mint running that Tom Cruise video, have seen fit to finally dig up a copy. In particular, a copy of it was posted on Jezebel the other day - which I imagine might suggest that I have roughly the same interests as the kind of woman who reads Jezebel. But come on. I'm sure this is purely a matter of coincidence.

The clip that they dug up isn't actually from the episode itself, but rather from some sort of reunion episode, so the footage (which is what you actually want to see) is intercut with shots of Stephen and some broad (perhaps one of his beards) analyzing it. It distracts from the real action, but not to the point where it ruins what could very well have been the most entertaining thing ever aired on TV. Evar.

Checkit: Vintage Real World: Seattle's Stephen & Irene In "The Slap Heard 'Round The World" [Jezebel]

The Fall of the Abbot

Looks like Raekwon really is gonna go through with his plan to put out a Wu-Tang Clan album without the RZA.

http://www.shaolinvswutang.com/

Or is this just some BS one of you fruits put together to play with my emotions? (Nullus.)

Previously:

• Putting the RZA out to pasture
• Wu-Tang Recording Album Without RZA?
• Wu-Tang Clan touring without the RZA
  

Niggas done brought back Buhweet

http://buckwheatshot.ytmnd.com/

Last year, I figured the minstrel rap movement might have been over. While there was no shortage of shitty ringtone rap records (Soulja Boy, anyone?), at least there weren't any that specifically mentioned chicken.

I suppose I should have known better.

Just now, I came across the video for some shit called "I Gotta Dollar" by a fellow named LV (note: not the fat guy from Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise," for my mid '90s heads). And wouldn't you know, its title is a reference to the old Buckwheat routine. Its chorus actually goes, "I got a dollar, hey hey hey hey."

In its video, LV does a dance that's apparently called the Buckwheat. It looks like some shit right out of the movie Bamboozled. (ATL people, is that what's popping in the streets these days?) I'm not sure if that's the official video or what. They might want to keep it this half-assed though, in keeping with the laziness theme.

It was produced by Polow Da Don aka The King of the White Girls, the guy who brought us Rich Boy (the thinking man's Soulja Boy) and that song "London Bridge" by Fergie.

Check the video after the jump. (via)

Smart people don't read black books

That's the only conclusion I'm left to draw from a study, put together by a grad student at Caltech, that seeks to determine how "smart" books are using data about college students gleaned from Facebook.

The way it works is, he downloaded the top 10 most popular books at every college on the social networking site. Then he cross-referenced them with the average SAT score at each school and threw it all on a big chart. So essentially, what you end up with is a list of the 100 most popular books amongst college students, sorted by average SAT score.

And wouldn't you know, the far left end of the chart is made up almost entirely of books by black authors. (And also The Bible. Hmm...)

A few thoughts on the chart:

• Since I first saw this the other day, I'm pretty sure they reclassified some of the black books on the chart as erotica, so that it didn't seem like the black books were the absolute dumbest books on the chart.
• Unfortunately, it's not like they could classify all of the more... um, ghetto-oriented black books as erotica. So there's still some crime-related garbage grouped in with some of the presumably more high brow black literature.
• Then again, both True to the Game and B More Careful fall somewhat further along the intelligence spectrum than The Color Purple. Hmm...
• And even our smartest book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, manages to be somewhat dumber than the likes of Tuesdays with Morrie, The Devil Wears Prada, and He's Just Not That Into You.
• What gives? Is it because the SAT is culturally biased against black people (as it says in Boyz in the Hood), and so it just seems like black people (er, people who enjoy books by black authors) aren't very smart?
• I suppose, for what it's worth, we don't know for a fact that it's all black people reading black books. This certainly could be a matter of black kids who fall towards the opposite end of the intelligence spectrum (such as, erm, myself) not being interested in their "own" literature.
• And then it's the ol' Tyler Perry conundrum: One of us smart kids could write our own book, but it almost certainly wouldn't be popular enough to rank in the top 100 books on college campuses a la the likes of The Color Purple and True to the Game.

What do you fruits think? No one's suggesting that correlation necessarily equals causation. But you have to wonder when all of the black books are showing up at the dumb end of the chart. Would kids in inner city schools be better off if they read Ayn Rand? Also, what do you think about this study? Does it seem about right, or is it pretty deeply flawed? I wouldn't know, because I'm not a scientist. Also, I'm black. It's a wonder I manage to get out of bed each morning!

Checkit: Booksthatmakeyoudumb

And I've posted a smaller version of the chart, which is a lot more user friendly, after the jump. Check out the site though, because there's a list of the books, a list of the schools, and some further discussion of the results.

Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend: Album Review

Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend (XL, 2008)
Vampire Weekend are a group of pasty Ivy League kids who combine traditional African rhythms with their... you know, cracka-ass cracka-ness. The buzz on them is such that I've actually heard this album compared favorably to Paul Simon's Graceland. I'm assuming that isn't the case, but I figured I'd better look into it anyway.

• Vampire Weekend @ MySpace

"I loved him like he was my father"

Scientology: Wackier than Christianity

According to Last Week's Poll
First of all, I'd just like to say that, since I created this poll, a week or so ago, I see someone else had a similar idea. Or, at the very least, was thinking along the same lines as I was thinking. Not that I'm accusing anyone of stealing my ideas or anything. I'm just saying.

If anything, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with some sense around here. When I saw that leaked video the other day with Tom Cruise talking about himself being a Scientologist and what have you, it occurred to me: OK, so Tom Cruise is clearly batshit, but is Scientology really so much wackier than Christianity?

Hence last week's poll.

The results:

Wackier religion?

1. Scientology (236 votes)
2. Christianity (87 votes)

Damn it if this isn't yet another case of most people disagreeing with me. It makes me wonder whether I'm the one who's crazy, or if it's everyone else. Of course I'm gonna have to assume the latter.

Wacky though it may be, at least we know where Scientology came from. If Tom Cruise wants to believe in a religion created by some nutjob science fiction writer, why shouldn't he be able to? That reeks of religious intolerance to me. I thought religious people were supposed to be against religious intolerance. Or is that only intolerance against your own particular religion?

Meanwhile, we don't really have any way of knowing where Christianity came from - except what God has told the president, with whom he supposedly has a personal relationship. However, we do know that the BS story in the Bible bears a strikingly resemblance to any number of other, earlier BS stories. Which would suggest that Christianity is just a BS story ripped off from a bunch of other BS stories that people came up with back before they knew any better.

So in that sense, Christianity isn't even altogether different from Scientology. If you want to get into the actual text of either of these religions and try to compare the two that way... well, it would be difficult for me to say, since I can't claim to have read either the Bible or Dianetics, or whatever the main book of Scientology is. I will say this though: If I absolutely had to read one or the other, I'd probably go with the Scientology book. It seems like it would be the more interesting read.

Ron Paul: Why bother?

For the past couple of weeks now, Ron Paul's... shall we say, fervent supporters have been pestering me about how I should stop suggesting that he's a racist and how I should consider supporting his run for the presidency.

I wonder though: If Ron Paul is so adamant in his views, why in the world is he running as a Republican in the first place? For all I know, this could all be some intricate plot to turn me into a Republican. Or get me to cut some checks to them anyway. As if.

It's getting to that point now where a lot of people who obviously have no chance at all of winning their party's nomination, let alone being elected president, are beginning to pull out of the race.

I see yesterday, for example, Dennis Kucinich decided to end his bid. From what I understand, he was pretty much out of money, and he might have cause for concern about whether or not he can even be reelected to Congress at this point.

Damn.

I remember when he pulled out of the race back in '04, he threw his support to, I think, John Edwards, or maybe it was John Kerry. At any rate, it was one of these Democratic senators who had voted for the war and who didn't seem to stand for a whole lot, and so his supporters were left feeling like the dumbasses that they were.

This time around, I see he's not gonna bother endorsing anyone. Maybe it's because he has literally no supporters at all left at this point. He only managed to garner something like 0 or maybe 1% of the vote in all of the primaries he was in; and in Michigan, where he was one of the only Democrats who ran, he actually managed to lose to "uncommitted."

Similarly, you have to wonder how long Ron Paul is going to bother stringing the few nutjobs who are still supporting him along.

Never let it be said that your vote doesn't count

Unless you're not an important music critic like I am, in which case, who gives a fuck what you think?

So the results of this year's Village Voice Pazz and Jop poll are out. It was my first year voting. I was invited to vote last year, but I didn't. Actually, I did, but there were some tech issues. They lost my vote, then I was given a short period of time to vote again, but then I got called into work at the BGM, so I couldn't. Fags.

Here's a list of the top 10 albums of the year, according to the 577 most important music critics in the country.

1. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
2. Radiohead - In Rainbows
3. M.I.A. - Kala
4. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
5. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
6. Kanye West - Graduation
7. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
8. Robert Plant and Alison Krauss - Raising Sand
9. Bruce Springsteen - Magic
10. The National - Boxer

With the exception of the two old people albums at 8 and 9, I probably could have guessed this list in its entirety. And I could have even told you that there'd be at least one token old person album. For what it's worth, I voted for three of them myself, and there's another three of them that I probably would have voted for. (Guess which ones.)

Here's a link to my own ballot. The albums I chose are probably as much a reflection of my Paste magazine-esque listening habits these days as anything else. As it got to be time to fill out my ballot there were a lot of albums I wanted to go back and listen to, because I figured I might want to vote for them, but then I was just like, fuck it.

Sometimes keeping it real is actually less work-intensive.

Also, I didn't bother to vote for any singles, because I've pretty much given up on listening to non-talk radio and because, when I'm at home, it's not like I don't have to listen to an album in its entirety, the way a good album was meant to be heard. All of that making your own playlist shit is for little girls on MySpace. Anyway, here's a link to the winners in the singles category.

Finally, here's a link to all of the ballots, so you can see how all of your other favorite critics voted. Assuming you have any other favorites.

Amy Winehouse smoking crack

Who else is shocked? I know I am.

Granted Amy Winehouse has gotten progressively skinnier over the course of the past year, to the point where she looks like she just escaped from Aushcwitz. But you know how white girls like to keep their shit together. And god bless them for it.

When I saw her at Lollapalooza, back in August, she seemed healthy enough, albeit rail thin. It was so hot outside though, that if she had been intoxicado in the least bit, she probably would have fallen over and died. Trust me, I know.

And she sounded incredible - though apparently whatever problems she's had lately with drugs and what have you haven't affected her singing ability as much. For example, during a profile of her in a recent issue of SPIN magazine (I'm not sure how it got in here), she was fucked up to the point where she was almost entirely unresponsive. But then when she got on stage, it said, she fucking tore it down.

But apparently she's on crack. Just now, UK tabloid The Sun has posted a video of her in her home lighting up as if she was Pookie from New Jack City. Or '80s-era Washington, DC mayor Marion Berry.

As MTV describes the video, which I've posted after the jump:

In the clip, Winehouse walks around her home wearing a dark tank top. She speaks to someone on her cell phone, as well as the person shooting the video. At one point, Winehouse proclaims, "I just took about six Valium." The video then shifts to the singer's bedroom, where she lights a glass pipe and inhales; the tabloid claims the pipe was a crack pipe.

All of which begs the question: How long until Amy Winehouse is found dead somewhere? Six months? Two weeks? That's obviously where she's headed, no?

Amy Winehouse Allegedly Smokes Crack In Online Video [MTV News]

Scenes from a redneck wedding

Received these in an email from "First." Figured you fruits might find them amusing. They do seem to confirm what I've always suspected about... shall we say, lower-class couples. Namely, that guys who grew up hungry always tend to find the fattest woman possible. Think about it.

Introducing the wedding party:

First, the handsome groomsmen and the fine looking groom (in red)

Red ties, black ties, no tie. Mass confusion. 'Alright, everyone .. let's line up for the picture. Let's see ... hmmm, where shall we .... oh, yes! Perfect! Everyone, please move quickly! Right over there, in front of the garage. Yes, that will be just smashing!' I guess a jacket at a wedding would just be too citified, so let's just pin these boutonniere's right on the white shirts. Bubba, put down that cigarette! And no smoking during the ceremony! I told him it's tacky to light up during the sermon. If we could have put the wedding off for two more months, the groom would have saved enough money for a pair of black shoes. I told him his tennis shoes have black trim....that's good enough.

Stephen Malkmus - Real Emotional Trash: Album Review

Stephen Malkmus & Jicks, Real Emotional Trash, (Matador, 2008)
Stephen Malkmus was the lead singer in Pavement. Their 1992 debut Slanted & Enchanted was recently named the best indie-rock album evar by one of these magazines. I think Blender. They broke up in 1999, and he's spent the last several years putting out these albums with his new band the Jicks, mostly to diminishing marginal returns.

You can stream the first single from this album at the MySpace profile for Matador Records.

• Matador @ MySpace

Why bums shouldn't have chainsaws

I'm sure life is hard enough living in one of these homeless shelters. Not only do you have to worry about mofos stealing your shit, but you know what goes on in those places. (There was even once a song about it.)

Even if you're not worried about getting raped yourself (like, if you've got yourself a good sharp knife), you still run the risk of accidentally stumbling upon two bums getting it on in the shower or whatever.

Why do you think so many bums opt to sleep outside, even when it's cold out?

Well, if all of that wasn't bad enough, now apparently bums have to fear getting cut the fuck up with a chainsaw, like that one poor bastard in Scarface.

Yesterday, in a homeless shelter in New Bloomfield, MO (which I believe is near Kansas City), some crazed homeless motherfucker attacked four other bums with a chainsaw and also a knife.

No, really:

NEW BLOOMFIELD, Mo. - A man wielding a chain saw and a knife attacked residents at a homeless shelter where he was staying, leaving two people in critical condition and injuring two others, police said Sunday.

Um, yikes!

The two of them who were cut with the knife have been treated and released from the hospital, while the two of them who got the chainsaw treatment are said to be in critical condition.

I bet they are.

No word yet on what actually caused the guy (who's from St. Louis, btw) to do this, other than the fact that he's obviously fucking insane. My guess is that it was something weird though, and probably sexual in nature.

Nullus.

Missouri man goes on chain saw attack [Yahoo! News]

Dennis Kucinich has the hottest wife

According to Last Week's Poll
I've said it before and I'll say it again. For all of the talk about policy issues, as if there's much in the way of a significant difference between any of these fruits, the personal appearance of their wives has been given relatively short shrift.

And yet, I think we can all agree that, at the very least, when you see a man with a fine-looking woman it's probably a sign that he has a strong decision-making ability. Either that, or the motherfucker just got lucky.

As such, I decided to create a poll in order to determine which of the candidates in this year's presidential election has the best-looking wife. Here are the results.

Hottest wife?

1. Elizabeth Kucinich (74 votes)
2. Jeri Thompson (73 votes)
3. Michelle Obama (62 votes)
4. Cindy McCain (13 votes)
5. Elizabeth Edwards (12 votes)
6. Janet Huckabee (7 votes)
7. Judith Giuliani (6 votes)
8. Ann Romney (5 votes)

Wow, Elizabeth Kucinich pulled this one out in a squeaker, beating Jeri Thompson 74 votes to 73. It was like Florida in 2000. If this poll actually meant anything, Jeri Thompson might consider a recount, on the grounds that she's got bigger cans than Elizabeth Kucinich. Which obviously counts for quite a bit in a woman.

Even though I'm pretty sure Fred Thompson bought those cans with some of his Law and Order money. If he wanted to, it's not like Dennis Kucinich couldn't throw some Ds his wife - except I'm not sure about his financial situation. If he pulls out of the campaign now, maybe he could use what's left of his fundraising money.

***

Next week's poll, which is already up, has to do with which is the wackier religion, Christianity or Scientology. With this new polling system (MSNBC really ought to look into it), it's probably gonna be a lot more difficult to vote more than once, so you're gonna want to make sure you've thought long and hard about this before you make your selection. Nullus?

Cat Power - Jukebox: Album Review

Cat Power, Jukebox (Matador, 2008)
On a roll from 2006's incredible The Greatest and supposedly off of the sauce, Cat Power has recorded this, her second album consisting primarily of cover versions. Her backing band this time around is the Dirty Delta Blues Band, with whom she played at Pitchfork this past summer. As KRS-One would say, I was there.

• Cat Power @ MySpace

Hands off Scott Storch's wallet!

The Fight for a Man's Rights
If you're a stripper, having a baby by one of these rappers is kinda like winning the lottery anyway: You end up set for life on account of some shit you did because you lack the sense god gave the common furry woodland creature.

So why not treat it as if it was the lottery? Namely, guys who slip up and impregnate one of their jumpoffs should have the option of paying said jumpoff in one lump sum rather than having to make monthly payments for the next 18 years. (Unless you get lucky and the kid doesn't make it that long.)

Of course the lump sum would be less than the sum of the payments you would receive over the course of 18 years, but I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of women would take it anyway. They might have addictions to feed, or subprime mortgages that are about to readjust. And who knows, some of them might actually be attempting to put themselves through college.

I only barely passed Principles of Finance when I was in college, but there might even be a way to invest that lump sum and have it be worth more in the long run than the amount you'd eventually receive in monthly payments. (Though if a grown-ass man with a business degree can't figure that out, I doubt some stripper could.)

The reason I bring this up is because I just came across the story of how Scott Storch's baby's mother is trying to take him to court, claiming he fell behind on his $7,500 child support payments, the check he wrote to enroll the poor bastard in Florida's pre-paid college plan bounced, and so far he's failed to take out a $1 million life insurance policy naming the child as a beneficiary, as the judge ordered him to do.

You'll recall that I brought you the story a couple of years ago of how Scott Storch was named the baby's father by default, because he failed to show up to a paternity hearing, not unlike how DMX was recently ordered to pay some broad $1.5 million because he told a magazine she raped him.

As I mentioned at the time, it obviously never occurred to this broad how Scott Storch's mother, or his real girlfriend might feel knowing he dropped it off in some stripper.

Also, apparently it never occurred to this broad that Scott Storch might be busy. Obviously his reported $70 million fortune didn't make itself. Maybe he was too busy recording Timbaland dis records and so he forgot to cut a check. But should he be treated as if he's some deadbeat if he's probably already sent this woman over a hundred thousand dollars?

Man, fuck that shit!

If he's sent her that much money and she's still having problems making ends meet, then I'm left with no other choice than to assume that she's got a nasty drug problem. In which case Scott Storch might want to consider pulling a Kevin Federline and going and rescuing his son. Shit, she might end up having to send him money before it's all said and done with.

I knew I should have studied law!

Ron Paul finds minority cosigners

A black guy and a Mexican. Take that, New Republic!

When one of these Ron Paul nutjobs emailed me the other day to inform me that the president of the NAACP, Nelson Linder, had come out in defense of Ron Paul, I was like, "Oh, well in that case..."

I'd never actually heard of the guy myself, but then it's not like I keep up with the goings on at the NAACP; I didn't take them too seriously even before they held that mock funeral for the dreaded n-word. Still, I figured, if the president of the NAACP is coming to Ron Paul's defense, how bad can he be?

As it turns out out though, Nelson Linder isn't actually the president of the NAACP, but rather the president of a local chapter of the NAACP in Austin, Texas. Which makes me wonder, for example, how difficult it would be to have myself elected president of the (heretofore nonexistent) Creve Coeur chapter of the NAACP.

The other day, this guy Linder went on Alex Jones' radio program and said he knows Ron Paul personally, and can vouch for the fact that he isn't a racist.

"Knowing Ron Paul's intent, I think he is trying to improve this country but I think also, when you talk about the Constitution and you constantly criticize the federal government versus state I think a lot of folks are going to misconstrue that....so I think it's very easy for folks who want to to take his position out of context and that's what I'm hearing," said Linder.

However, since the thrust of this guy's argument involves the fact that Ron Paul poses a threat to the federal government (which presumably has agents with The New Republic and probably most other forms of liberal Jew-run media), let alone the fact that he was on the Alex Jones radio program, I'm just gonna assume this guy is one of those wacky Branch Davidian types.

If they could convince white people that David Koresh was Jesus, what's there to suggest they can't convince a black man that Ron Paul isn't a racist?

Rhymefest ducks the gang issue

Let's say there was an article on the Internets suggesting that I belong to a gang (other than The Mindset Army), and that I was possibly being extorted, and that I might even be connected to the terrorists, if not the down-low community. (Nullus.)

If someone asked me if this was true, it would be nothing for me to say that, no, it isn't. But that's how I roll. Rhymefest, apparently? Not so much.

The other day, AB from Fake Shore Drive did an interview with the rapper. When asked about the email I received suggesting he's in a gang, here's what Rhymefest had to say.

In the wake of the debates, blogger Byron Crawford received a pretty ridiculous email, you’re familiar with him, right?

Yep.

Well Byron received an email from a Chicago reader, who was a bit misinformed, this reader claimed the debate was tied to gang activity in Chicago. He went on to name names and the various gangs these rappers represented. What’s your take on this?

I can’t even respond to that, it sounds too ignorant. Come on, man. Next question.

Too ignorant? All he had to say was, "No, I don't belong to a gang; Chicago rappers aren't being extorted like it's going out of style; and yes, Kanye West is on the DL." (Because that part's probably true.)

Obviously the guy's got something to hide.

Also, he's obviously got a lot to learn about politics.

Earlier in the interview, he explains how he had to go in on Lupe, because Lupe was misinformed with regard to Obama's policy re: Iran (probably where Lupe gets his heroin), and how he's bringing back the Drop Squad to help educate misinformed rappers.

Then later in the interview, he claims that, if Obama is elected, he's gonna get rid of all of the lobbyists in Washington, and that Obama has never taken any money from lobbyists.

Oh, really?

Sounds like he might need to Drop Squad himself.

A Conversation with Rhymefest [Fake Shore Drive]

Obama with the subliminals!

Page Six of the New York Post today highlights the fact that "99 Problems" by Jay-Z was played during Barack Obama's post-Iowa victory party. And it's been suggested that, since the song includes the line, "I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one," this was meant as a shot at Hillary.

Ha!

If this was actually Obama's doing, I might have to vote for him on tsunami Tuesday on GP. So far he's yet to comment on this one way or the other (keep in mind this just hit the Internets, as far as I know), but I'm sure he'll just feign ignorance and throw the blame to one of his college-age campaign workers.

I wouldn't be surprised though if the feminazi community seizes on this. You see the mileage they got out of Hillary making it seem as if Barack Obama made her cry. As if she's even capable of producing real human tears.

ALSO, maybe you heard about this one: At a campaign event in South Carolina (home of the "black primary") yesterday, Bob Johnson, the founder of motherfucking BET, went in on Obama, claiming the senator was somewhere in the ghettos of Chicago sniffing blow (which he may or may not have bought from Lupe Fiasco), while Bill and Hillary Clinton were in the White House leading black people to the promised land.

As Johnson himself put (nhjic):

To me, as an African American, I am frankly insulted the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues - when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood; I won't say what he was doing, but he said it in his book - when they have been involved.

Aww dang!

HILLARY, BARACK RAP & ROCK [New York Post]
Bob Johnson Criticizes Obama [AP via Long Live THE MESSAGE]

Disturbing facts about rappers

-DMX told Sister 2 Sister magazine that one of his baby's mothers actually raped him. (For what it's worth, I've heard of guys being raped by women, nhjic.) She sued him for defamation, then the judge awarded her $1.5 million ($518,400 compensatory + $1 million punitive) after he failed to show up for court. - XXL

-50 Cent is on steroids (duh!), and so is Timbaland, Wyclef Jean, Mary J Blige (hmm...), and motherfucking Tyler Perry. - XXL

-Soulja Boy failed the 9th grade twice and then dropped out of high school. And so did his weed carrier A-Rab, who really is an A-rab (though apparently he's not that smart). - The Hase and the Mise

Foreigners should be forced to wear deodorant

According to Last Week's Poll
The BGM is located in a lower-income area, so we get a lot of Indian people, not unlike that K-Mart where I used to work. Every once in a while we'll get one of these mofos that's so ripe it makes you physically ill. You have to go on break before you actually wanted to, just to regroup.

Which brings me to last week's poll question. This country is pretty lax in the way it allows people to go out in public. You can't walk around with your junk hanging out of your pants, but you can walk around smelling like a cab driver's seat. But should you be able to, especially if it's gonna make someone else sick?

The results from last week's poll:

Should foreigners be forced to wear deodorant?

1. Of course (75 votes)
2. No, that's racist (39 votes)

(Note: There were another 153 votes cast using the other poll system I had up earlier in the week. They broke down along roughly the same lines as this one.)

Again, I can't help but be surprised that something like a third of the people who voted said no, foreign people shouldn't be forced to wear deodorant. It makes you wonder if they'd really be willing to sit in a room full of these people, or if they're just trying to appear open-minded.

I mean, I could see if we were trying to force them to get a haircut or something. But do you really think that people who stink like the way they smell? Obviously they just don't know any better. They might not even need know what deodorant is, and might just need someone to show them how it works.

Ron Paul: "I'm not a racist."

Did Hillary steal New Hampshire?

Looks like lightskinted Dame from the comments section may have actually been right. (Nullus.)

I think we were all kinda surprised with the results out of New Hampshire, but I just assumed it was because of that Edmund Muskie shit she pulled the day before. (Which so wouldn't have worked if she was a guy, by the way.)

In fact, I'll admit I kinda like the idea she could pull some shit like that and it would actually work. As I've mentioned before both on this site and at XXL, I don't really have a horse in this race, but I do think it would be kinda cool if either of the frontrunners on the Democratic side were to win this November.

On the one hand, if Barack Obama was to be elected, it would be historic in that he'd be the this country's first  black (-ish) president. But even if Hillary won, you'd have to think it would be pretty cool, if not because she's a woman, then because it would mean Bill Clinton (who I'm pretty sure came up with that crying bit) would be back in the White House.

And who knows what kind of shit he might pull the second time around. You know he's been having issues with his heart since he left office back in 2000. What if he ended up having a heart attack and dying balls deep in some fat white chick? Tell me that wouldn't almost be worth voting for Hillary. Regardless, I can't imagine he would go an entire 4 or 8 years without getting some stank. I mean, what is he going to do all day?

So anyhoo, it was suggested by Dame that you'd be naive to think that Bill Clinton, who, after all, was leader of the free world eight years, couldn't buy his wife a few votes. And come to find out, probably as a sheer matter of coincidence, this could very well be what happened.

Media Take Out has a report supposedly from someone with Tribune Media suggesting that there may have been some shenanigans on behalf of Hillary Clinton, particularly with regard to the totals reported from those Diebold voting machines. And there's also a handy chart showing the difference between the totals reported from the Diebold machines and the results of a hand count.

If these reports aren't BS, it sounds like this could be a repeat of the fuckery that supposedly took place in the 2000 and 2004 elections, except in this case it's going to benefit a Democratic candidate (i.e. our puppet). As far as I know, there aren't any black people in New Hampshire; so there isn't as much of a race element, except for the fact that Barack Obama himself is kinda black.

Could it be that Hillary Clinton is gonna use the same tactics that gave us George Bush (and all that entails) for the last eight years to rob America of its first black (-ish) president? Hmm...

Where all of the money in hip-hop went

Remember a couple of years ago when Jacob the Jeweler was busted for laundering drug money for the Black Mafia Family.

There was a story on him in Vanity Fair, in which a commenter from the XXL website, a fellow calling himself Real South Nigga, was quoted as saying, "Jacob da jewler better keep his mouth closed dem B.M.F. niggaz gona merck his rich ass."

It was also revealed in this article that Jacob has a cousin named Lev Leviev, an Israeli billionaire who owns diamond mines in Angola, who's the secret owner of Jacob & Co. He's supposedly worth somewhere in the neighborhood of six and a half billion dollars.

I was reminded of this just now when I came across a story in Haaretz about an Israeli billionaire who just purchased the most expensive new home ever sold in London. It cost $70 million and boasts a bullet-proof front door and all sorts of gaudy shit on the inside.

That Israeli billionaire? None other than motherfucking Lev Leviev, secret owner of Jacob & Co., where all of the rappers get their jewelry.

Damn.

The Real World: Sydney - Episode 23: Episode Summary

Damn, I didn't even know tonight was the last episode of this shit. Was that the way they planned it, or did they just decide to be rid of this season as soon as possible? Recapping an entire hour is a lot to ask of a lazy brother such as myself. I guess at least I don't worry about this any more after tonight. In fact, I'm not even sure if I'm gonna bother next season, unless the chicks are just that hot.

Marc Rudov: My New Idol

Say what you will about Fox News, but you have to kinda like the fact that they'd run a segment with a guy like Marc Rudov.

So far this election cycle I've been keeping it tuned to MSNBC, just because I don't think you can beat the lineup of Chris Matthews, Keith Olbermann, Pat Buchanan, and Tucker Carlson for sheer hilarity. Fortunately, the fruits over at Media Matters for America pay people to watch Fox News and pretend to be outraged about shit.

Yesterday this guy Marc Rudov was a guest on Your World with Neil Cavuto, where they had him attempting to explain why more guys don't vote for Hillary Clinton. According to him, when Barack Obama speaks, men hear, "Take off for the future;" but when Hillary Clinton speaks, they hear, "Take out the garbage." Ha!

That's so true.

But that's not even the best part. Did I mention that Marc Rudov is the author of a book called Under the Clitoral Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables? Well, he is. Best title evar? I'm so gonna have to pick that up, not just on GP, but because I'm genuinely interested in learning ways to crank a broad's engine without the the use of cash, booze, or (god forbid) jumper cables.

(Not that I'm against using booze.)

I only stumbled upon his website just now, but based on the design alone I'd be willing to bet that it's a great resource for men, and perhaps even women.

Checkit: The NoNonsense Man

The soft white underbelly of Chicago rap

Not too long after I published yesterday's post about Rhymefest and Lupe Fiasco's lovers quarrel re: this year's presidential election, I received the following email from one of my Chi-town correspondents. Come to find out, not only is everything you ever suspected about Chicago hip-hop true, but it gets worse. Way worse. I was even warned about mentioning this shit, lest I end up the next Nailah Franklin. But whatever. I'm willing to take certain risks to bring the truth to the light.

emailing from chicago again. you want to see some bullshit on how these two dudes complaining is the fakest thing. see if you can catch...Gangland on history channel. They have a segment on GD's in chicago and BD's. It talks about the gang influence in chicago and how the BD's where working with jihadist since the 60's and shit and how the BD's are "muslims", sponsor businesses (aritsts), jesse jackson and others. the BD's is the one you want to see.

i moving to chicago in the 90's I saw all of this first hand. if your famous and from chicago, its either BD's, GD's or the DL's (tey gheys) that have your back. R.kelly got beat up by BDs for not giving them their cut after his first album. Kanye got beat (infamous busted face, credited to the accident) for jacking beats and not paying from his first deal, Lupe works with them on the heroin tip. Every single aritst, athelete and business that made it is sponsored by the gangs(mainly BD's) and they all have to give a cut of their money. think about all the chicago athletes getting jacked. The Black pharmaceutical rep, Naliah franklin found dead in chicago was a corporate drug dealer rep for the BD's and was killed by Antoine walkers business associate.

so when lupe talks about supporting iran, its no coincidence. when fest is talking all that muslim shit, you already know.

if you can't catch it, wikipedia kinda skims on it but, seeing it first hand is crazy. im not from chicago so, Im mum on saying shit. 99.95 of the city is black operated and 99.95% of the black community is gang affiliated in some way...in the suburb ones.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_P._Stones

Examples.

Twista - vice lord
Common - Blackstone (back in the day hell yeah)
Lupe - Blackstone affliate
Kanye - Started with Blackstones, left to work with DL's , no joke by the way. Blackstones do not acknowledge homosexuality
Rhymefest - Blackstone
Molemen - Gangster Disciples

This is info for your personal reference but, I advise you to be care posting "too" much. they are no joke. its a unspoke rule here in chicago to ignore the gang situation here.

But that post today [i.e. yesterday - Bol] just got me think how full of shit they are trying to chop up politics.

Rhymefest vs. Lupe Fiasco

Fight! Fight!
Rhymefest and Lupe Fiasco recently got into a heated online debate having to do with the upcoming presidential election. In particular, Rhymefest took offense to some statements Lupe made to SOHH about how he isn't supporting Barack Obama, how he doesn't believe in voting on that level (whatever that means), and how he hopes Hillary wins. Rhymefest made a post about Lupe on his MySpace blog, and then the two of them went back and forth for a while on okayplayer.

Fake Shore Drive has the following breakdown of how the shit began:

Lupe:

"I'm not voting for anybody," Lupe told SOHH. "I don't believe in voting on that level. But I want Hillary [Clinton] to win," he says. Surprisingly, the Chicago emcee does not support the junior United States Senator from Illinois, Barack Obama.

"Obama doesn't really impress me like that," Lupe told SOHH. "It's not a shot at him but some of his agendas, the bombing of Iran and all that stuff.* He ain't gonna do nothing but perpetuate the nonsense that all the Presidents before have done, and what Bush is doing now. It's to the point now where the world is so twisted and so messed up that we need somebody to come in."

Rhymefest’s rebuttal:

Recently, a prominent Hip-Hop website asked an artist who they supported in the 2008 presidential primaries. Shockingly, their response was Hillary Clinton. Now, I'm not one to judge a person's political, religious or [even] artistic views; however, the reasons that this artist gave were so fucking erroneous and outrageous that it compels me to speak out, even if only to give fans the right information so that we are not following uninformed-ass rappers down the hole of 'abstract nothingness.'

And then it went on from there, on the message boards at okayplayer. Fortunately, the exchange has been recounted in full on 'Fest's MySpace, so you don't have to sweat actually having to go to okayplayer. (Whew!)

The Great Debate: Rhymefest vs. Lupe Fiasco [Fake Shore Drive]
A conversation between Rhymefest and Lupe Fiasco [Rhymefest's MySpace]

Ron Paul in his own words

I was watching MSNBC just now and there was a discussion of some shit Ron Paul wrote in this newsletter he used to publish back in the day. What caught my ear in particular is that he apparently once referred to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. as a teh ghey pedophile. I was aware of the teh ghey thing, but I've never heard of Dr. King putting his hands on any children.

A cursory Internets search for wacky Ron Paul quotes didn't turn up a whole lot, which suggests to me that his supporters might be up to some Jew Watch-style fuckery. For example, I couldn't find the one about MLK being a teh ghey pedophile. Here's a few of the ones I could find. If you can find more, like the MLK one, feel free to add on in the comments.

Ron Paul on black lesbian congresswoman Barbara Jordan:

"When is someone going to say publicly what everyone knows privately? Namely, that University of Texas affirmative action...professor Barbara Jordon (sic) is a fraud?... She is the archetypal half-educated victimologist, yet her race and sex protect her from criticism."

Ron Paul on alleged victims of sexual harassment:

"Why don't they quit once the so-called harassment starts? Obviously the morals of the harasser cannot be defended, but how can the harassee escape some responsibility for the problem? Seeking protection under civil rights legislation is hardily acceptable."

Ron Paul on the benefit of having that extra muscle in your leg:

"If you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be."

Ron Paul on the black men of the nation's capital:

"Given the inefficiencies of what D.C. laughingly calls the 'criminal justice system,' I think we can safely assume that 95 percent of the black males in that city are semi-criminal or entirely criminal."

Ron Paul on the worst lobby in Washington:

"By far the most powerful lobby in Washington of the bad sort is the Israeli government."

Jamie-Lynn Spears should get an abortion

According to Last Week's Poll
Since I created last week's poll, I've heard, from some high school kids at work (heh), that Jamie-Lynn Spears is really like six months along in her pregnancy and that lil' 19 year-old Mini Federline might not actually be the baby's father. Since the date of the conception and the date she got with him don't seem to line up. In fact, word on the street is that she might not even be sure who the daddy is.

Which makes me wonder a number of things: a) Just how many guys was Jamie-Lynn Spears banging? (And why was I not informed of this?) b) If Mini Federline was 19, and for some reason she's hesitant to reveal the identity of the real baby's daddy, then how old were the rest of these guys? and c) Is Miss Cleo still in business? Because then we could easily get to the bottom of this.

Last week's poll had to do with whether or not Jamie-Lynn Spears should get an abortion. Here are the results.

Should Jamie-Lynn Spears get an abortion?

1. Yes (164 votes)
2. No (124 votes)

Of course I voted yes myself. But I was surprised to see something like 43% of respondents checked no. Since I'm pretty sure that many of you aren't pro lifers (please say you aren't), my guess is that that's the percentage of this site's readership whose mothers' had them when they were not quite out of their teens and now they spend their days surfing the Internets looking for things to call racist, to soothe the pain of being raised in relative poverty.

Or am I reading too much into this?

No but really, why would anyone want to have kids at that age? Has she not seen what happened to her sister when she had kids at like... 24 or something? There's no guarantee your body's gonna look right ever again. And even if you've got a lot of money, there's no guarantee that the cops aren't gonna show up to your house when you just so happen to be high to take your kids to see Kevin Federline, and it's gonna erupt into some huge scene just like on COPS.

I'm just saying. You have to weigh the pros and the cons.

Life imitates dead prez

Should pizza delivery guys be allowed to pack heat?

In a case of life imitating that second dead prez album, a pizza delivery guy had to bust a cap in a guy who tried to rob him the other day here in St. Louis.

The guy ended up dying, and his accomplice (pictured above) ended up being charged with murder, through that law where, if you and another guy are robbing somebody, and the mark kills your partner, you can be charged with his murder. There was a big controversy having to do with this not too long ago out in California.

Then it was announced yesterday that the driver may have been fired, if he hadn't already quit, since Domino's has a policy against its drivers packing heat. You get the idea that this was a PR move on their part, lest people begin to fear being shot by pizza delivery guys.

Also, they're shielding the identity of the driver, which suggests to me he might be a cracka-ass cracka. I used to order pizzas from this Domino's when I used to live down by U City High School (alma mater of Nelly), and I recall the staff there being mixed-race. Hmm...

Which got me to thinking.

On the one hand, if I had to deliver pizzas, I think I'd want a gun... or a heavy-duty Maglite or something! It's bad enough you gotta drive around a shitty area all day in a car full of money and food - not to mention taking the hit from that "delivery fee" scam, which I think we all know doesn't actually benefit the drivers.

On the other hand, I don't deliver pizzas for a living. But I do live across the street from some shit that looks like it might be section eight. Why should I have to run the risk of being caught in the crossfire just because the guy bringing me my din-din (nullus) made some bad career choices?

What do you fruits think?

Pizza driver that shot alleged robber flouted rules [STLtoday]

Chinese people have gone too far

Not to let you in on more than you need to know about me, but every once in a while I'll go to get lunch or dinner at this Chinese buffet around the corner from the shit hole where I live.

They usually give me that thing where they stand over me while I fill up my plate - as if I'm about to steal some shit I already paid for. (Upwards of $10, if it's dinnertime!) I usually don't sweat it that much though: it just inspires me to make sure that I get my money's worth, gotdamnit.

Shit, I won't even bother going to a Chinese buffet unless I'm confident I can eat more than three plates.

This Chinese buffet down in Louisiana, however, had the sheer balls to try to charge a man double just because he ate too much.

No, really:

Ricky Labit, a disabled offshore worker, said he had been a regular for eight months at the Manchuria Restaurant in Houma, eating there as often as three times a week.

On his most recent visit, he said, a waitress gave him and his wife's cousin, 44-year-old Michael Borrelli, a bill for $46.40, roughly double the buffet price for two adults.

"She says, 'Y'all fat, and y'all eat too much,'" Labit said. (via)

So not only did she try to rob the guy, but she insulted him as well? Damn.

Not to get several different types of wrong at once, but if a Chinese broad tried to pull some shit like that on me, I'd be tempted to put my shoe on her, just on GP.

What I want to know is: What's being done to make sure something like this never happens again? Never mind the Jena 6, we need to put this place out of business!

'Hearty eater' says buffet banned him [Yahoo! News]