The Real World: Sydney - Episode 16: Episode Summary

Once again, MTV didn't even bother to rerun last week's episode tonight. That could be a bad sign. The previews last week made it look like KellyAnne was knocked up with Cohutta's baby, and Isaac was about to give her a DIY abortion, but you know how they do with those things.

The episode begins with Isaac leaving a note on the fridge and bailing the fuck out. I was a bit too intoxicado to read what the note said in time. Then there's a flashback to a few days before. It looks like Isaac fucked that black girlfriend of his, then got up, put on his overalls and saw a black bird (that wasn't really there) in the kitchen. Isaac explains in a voiceover that he used to do a lot of acid. No kidding?

Meanwhile, the flirting between Dunbar and Ashli, who's 19 going on 13, is downright obnoxious. I don't even think she's that hot, but you have to wonder how long Dunbar can put up with her giggly bullshit. Also, you have to wonder how interested she really is in fucking him, or if she's just your typical, attention-starved teenage whore. Parisa and KellyAnne, who are seen gossiping in another room, are similarly nonplussed.

[Commercial Break: Why am I not surprised that Alicia Keys is as much of a joke at 27 as she was at 21? And this new Mario game looks insane. I'm not even sure how you'd play it.]

The next day or whatever, there's a big meeting about their fake-ass job. They have to split up into groups to research topics for the itinerary they're putting together. It's a contest, and the prize is a trip to Europe, which, admittedly, is a sweet fucking prize for hardly doing anything. You don't get shit like that at the BGM. You're lucky if one of the meth-addict holiday help doesn't go through your locker and jack your cell while you're working.

Parisa is on a team with Trisha, who's been selected as captain. So she's hoping that the two of them will have a strengthened relationship as a result of this. Because you know how fucking desperate and needy she is.

When they get back to the house, Isaac receives an email from his father informing him that his grandfather is dead. I suppose this is after his little acid flashback. Come to find out, as Isaac tells his black girlfriend whatserface, he's a war hero of sorts (to whom?) having once snuck weapons into Israel - though, if you think about, we're all war heroes by that reasoning, since so many tax payer dollars have gone to buy weapons for Israel over the years.

But I digress.

After another commercial break, we see Dunbar on the phone with his girlfriend Julie, whom you'll recall was just down in Sydney. Before she hangs up, she tells him to tell his penis she said hi. And he responds that his penis said it can't wait to see her. Ashli, who just so happens to be in the other room, overhears and then says some shit about how long distance relationships suck. Dunbar agrees.

Later that night (or two weeks later, for all we know), Dunbar is out at a club and has hoes all over him. Ashli notices and is clearly nonplussed. For a minute there, it looked like she was about to get into it with one of them, but it turns out that was a whole lot of nothing. I kinda wish one of them had slapped the shit out of her on GP, but what are you gonna do?

And then the next day, Isaac takes off while everyone else is still asleep. The note actually says he's in China (it also says something about hip-hop?), but you get the idea he just didn't feel like explaining to anyone where he was going or why. Because clearly he's fucking insane.

The episode ends with more of this BS between Ashli and Dunbar. First, she recalls her run-in with one of the skanks in the bar. Then it looks like the two of them might make out on another night in a club, but they don't. They just kinda sit together. Then she more or less suggests that they fuck, but Dunbar is obviously conflicted about his situation back home.

NEXT WEEK: Trisha pushes Parisa, and she falls down. Yes!