ByronCrawford.com

African-American Women: Where They Stand

Next to the Dishwasher, Hopefully!
Anyone catch any of this series on the NBC Nightly News about black women called African-American Women: Where They Stand? If figured I might, since you 'bags know I seek out contentious race issues, but I don't watch the nightly news anyway, and I wasn't about to start for some shit like this. Plus, I've been working nights this week at the BGM.

Of course, come to find out, you can watch the entire thing, plus mad bonus footage and shit, on the NBC website. I watched the following bit, on "redefining black families," for a story I did for XXL today. I'd watch the rest of it, but I've gotta leave in a little bit, on my way to Memphis. More on that (maybe) Monday.

Redefining black relationships

My bad about the picture of the broad with the skee ball a.k.a. the little brother. Ironically enough, the segment has to do with the fact that so many black women have a hard time finding a spouse. According to the grim statistics stated in the piece, over 40% of black women have never been married, compared to only 16% of white women. Could it be the haircut? I'm just saying.

Have black men failed black women? [XXL]

Ghostface Killah - The Big Doe Rehab: Album Review

Ghostface Killah, The Big Doe Rehab (Def Jam, 2007)
As I mentioned in a story the other day on the god-awful new Wu-Tang album, Ghostface Killah's ability to tell the difference between a good idea and a bad one is just plain unparalleled. This is Ghost's third album in the past year or so, following last year's critically acclaimed Fishscale and its bonus disc More Fish.

• Ghostface Killah @ MySpace

Would you bang a broad who was pregnant?

What if it was Christina Aguilera?

I don't know. Pregnant women usually have ridonkulously large cans, and lord knows I've been guilty of staring at a pregnant woman's cans over the years. But the stomach thing does kinda gross me out, especially having accidentally stumbled upon my share of disgusting pregnant woman pr0n over the years. To me, it just makes a woman look that much more like an animal. Which I suppose we all are, but still.

I'm not saying I wouldn't go for it, given the opportunity, I'm just saying.

Check the full-size pictures, from the January '08 issue of Marie Claire, after the jump. For research purposes, of course.

The Real World: Sydney - Episode 18: Episode Summary

Tonight's episode picks up right where last week's episode left off, with Parisa and Trisha going at it. Trisha calls her old man and brags that she just pushed a fat girl. Meanwhile, Parisa is outside in the hallway shouting shit about how Trisha doesn't care about her family, she thinks Christianity is a superior religion to Islam, and she's put on a gut since she moved in the house.

Trisha's old man tries to get her to apologize for pushing Parisa, but Trisha's not having it, especially with Parisa going off on her like that. Also, you get the idea that Parisa is going to try to have Trisha kicked out of the house regardless. After their little exchange, Parisa goes off somewhere to cool off, while the rest of the group debates whether Parisa is really going to go through with it.

Video of the Year: Sensual Seduction

Five reasons why "Sensual Seduction" is the best video evar:

1) The whole song is about dropping a load. (Nullus.)

2) There's an obvious homage to the video for "When Doves Cry."

3) While he sings sensual seduction in the video, the real name of the song is "Sexual Eruption."

4) His hoes have that blank look on their faces, like the hoes from those Robert Palmer videos.

5) At one point, Snoop's hand comes dangerously close to one of his hoes' boobs.

Check the video for "Sensual Seduction" after the jump.

Beanie Sigel - The Solution: Album Review

Beanie Sigel, The Solution (Roc-A-Fella, 2007)
It seemed like Beanie Sigel was approaching a certain creative peak on his last album, but that was a long-ass time ago. Since then, he's been in and out of jail and all sorts of shit. I wonder if he's still got it.

• Beanie Sigel @ MySpace

Album Preview: The Big Doe Rehab

Watching this Miss Info interview with Ghostface, I realized two things: a) If I'm ever gonna have a successful career in radio, I'm gonna have to work on my blaccent, regardless of how silly it sounds; and b) This new Ghostface album is gonna be the best Ghostface album in ages, maybe since The Pretty Toney Album.

Granted, I guess there's only been one proper Ghostface album since The Pretty Toney Album, last year's Fishscale. But then there was also More Fish, and that one he did with his weed carrier Trife da God, and that 718 album (nails btw), and maybe even something else that I'm forgetting. I liked all of them more so than I did pretty much anything else that's come out in the past few years, but I don't think any of them quite lived up to his first few solo outings.

But based on the snippets played in the following interview, it sounds like Ghost might be set for a return to form of sorts - the effect of which would of course be even that much more pronounced, given how shitty the new Wu-Tang album is. I know a lot of you fruits were bitching about my having called 8 Diagrams the shit sandwich that it is, but I wonder how anyone can listen to it, then listen to this new Ghostface shit and tell me that album doesn't suck balls.

(Speaking of which, you might want to check out my post from XXL yesterday about how the RZA has become the Syd Barrett of rap, and how it's incumbent on Ghostface to save the rest of the group from creative oblivion.)

Birdman likes 'em young

Today XXL has the story on how Birdman and Slim from Cash Money got busted with a pound of weed in their RV somewhere out in East Bumblefuck, Tennessee, but I thought they missed the most interesting bit.

According to the AP:

[Bryan "Birdman"] Williams, 38, his wife Brittany, 18, and his brother, Ronald Williams, 43, were each charged with possession of more than 1/2 ounce of marijuana as were 13 others, several of whom are also affiliated with the rap industry and Cash Money Records, which was founded by Bryan and Ronald Williams.

Notice how 13 other people were arrested, but none of them were mentioned by name or age. As my old man, Byron Sr., would say, clearly the AP is trying to tell us something.

Don't get me wrong, if I had the means, I'd have an 18 year-old wife, too, or at least a series of 18 year-old girlfriends. That way I wouldn't have to sit and listen to them yap about the High School Musical. But at least I'm still kinda young. Most of the girls I deal with on a regular basis fall into that 16-22 age range, on account of the the utter lack of success I've had in my "career," so to speak.

But I think you have to wonder, in the case of the Birdman, if there isn't some established pattern of behavior that might be worth looking into. I mean, it'd be one thing if there weren't pictures circulating on the Internets of him making out with his adopted son, but there are.

Rapper 'Birdman' arrested in Tenn. [San Jose Mercury News]

Wu-Tang Clan - 8 Diagrams: Album Review

Wu-Tang Clan, 8 Diagrams (SRC, 2007)
The RZA and Raekwon have been beefing back and forth in the press about whether or not this new Wu-Tang album sucks balls. Not to tip my hand too early in the review, but Raekwon was right. This album fucking sucks.

• Wu-Tang Clan @ MySpace

Barack Obama would make the best president

According to Last Week's Poll
With states like New Hampshire and Nevada pushing their primaries up damn near into 2007, I figured I'd better host my own primary before it was too late. Fuck the rest of the country. So in last week's poll, I pitted the seven candidates for the Democratic nomination against one another to see who'd make the best president. Here are the results.

Who would make the best president?

1. Barack Obama (169 votes)
2. Hillary Clinton (68 votes)
3. Dennis Kucinich (66 votes)
4. Joe Biden (38 votes)
5. John Edwards (36 votes)
6. Bill Richardson (21 votes)
7. Chris Dodd (10 votes)

I suppose I should have known Barack Obama would do remarkably well in a poll like this. All year long he hasn't been doing as well in national polls, but his campaign has maintained that he's way more popular amongst young people, who don't participate in polls because they use cell phones or whatever. It'll be interesting to see to what extent this translates into actual votes in the primary elections.

Meanwhile, in a development that echoes the main thread in current BS campaign journalism, Hillary Clinton isn't doing nearly as well as you'd think. Barack Obama got something like three times as many votes as her, and she only beat Dennis Kucinich by two votes. For most of the week, it even looked like he might beat her. She must have had some of her netroots people find this site and sabotage the poll.

The other take-home point in this poll is that John Edwards is just plain and simple not a top tier candidate. So what if he was John Kerry's running mate in '04. His campaign is obviously dead in the water. Based on the debate the other day in Las Vegas and now this poll, I think it's obvious Dennis Kucinich has surpassed him in that regard. He better hope Obama or Hillary makes him their running mate.

***

For the sake of fairness and equal time, next week's poll is a similar competition between the candidates for the Republican nomination. After all, there's no guarantee that the Democrats won't lose again next fall, just like they did the last two in a row. The winner of next week's poll could very well be the next president. Vote early and vote often.

And now you eat the turkey...

In case you're in one of these furrin country and are wondering why there isn't anything worth reading on the Internets today (as if there was yesterday), that's because it's Thanksgiving here in the Best Country in the World.

Thanksgiving is the day when hundreds of idiots die in traffic accidents trying to drive to their parents' house, and the rest of us eat and drink to excess, because we've got the day off from work. Then the next day, we wake up at the ass crack of 3 a.m. and stand outside in the cold to save a few dollars on some shit we probably wouldn't even want otherwise.

On the original Thanksgiving, as we learn in elementary school, the Pilgrims celebrated that a Native American Indian named Squanto taught them how to grow corn, which helped get them through an especially harsh winter in the Northeast. Then they immediately set about killing Squanto and pretty much any Indian that wouldn't fit into the state of Oklahoma.

Also, oddly enough, today just so happens to be the 44th anniversary of the day John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lyndon B. Johnson and the CIA. I wonder how often that happens. It never occurred to me before, but you'd to think it has to happen occasionally, given that Thanksgiving falls around the same time every year. It wasn't Thanksgiving when JFK died, was it? I don't remember that being in the movie.

The Real World: Sydney - Episode 17: Episode Summary

There's nothing like a good old fashioned phone conflict to make this shit interesting again for at least a few minutes. The episode begins with Trisha on the phone with Jared, who I'm assuming is her bf back home. He's gotta go to a wedding in Arizona for three days, so you can see how important it is for her to talk to him.

While she's on the phone, one of Parisa's people from al Qaeda calls, but it's not like Trisha can just hang up. Then we learn that Parisa hasn't spoken with her mother for days now, and god forbid someone should go for more than a few days without talking on the phone with their mother. Never mind the fact that they're half way around the world taping a motherfucking TV show. I guess it's not like Parisa can talk to anyone in the house at this point.

These are powerful hours

If you grew up here in the Midwest, where cheap beer is plentiful and there ain't shit else better to do anyway, chances are you've done the Hour of Power or joined the Century Club at some point or another.

I remember trying both of them out back in college just to see what they were like. Come to find out, I had been done both of them already, by virtue of the fact that sometimes I would drink seven beers in an hour, or 10 beers in 100 minutes. I used to get mad thirsty.

Not to sound like a crotchety old man (this was, after all, a few years ago), but back then you had to look at the damn clock. Which was of course boring as shit. A lot of times, I'd get 3/4 of the way done and forget what I was doing. Because I was drunk like that. Who knows the depths of depravity to which I would have sunk if I'd had an actual soundtrack.

The other day, I came across this site called These Are Powerful Hours, which really does provide soundtracks for people doing the Hour of Power. There looks to be about 16 of them so far, mainly divided by individual artist, as if they were mixtapes. A few of the ones I'm definitely gonna have to check out, for the sake of journalism, are by Prince, Ghostface Killah, and Steely Dan (for when I'm looking to get my old man drink on).

I checked out a few minutes of the one by Prince, and I thought it was pretty cool. There isn't a whole lot of emphasis placed on mixing, as if it was an actual DJ set or mixtape. Songs tend to end and begin all of a sudden, but that's probably by design. You need an abrupt transition to know when to take the next drink. One thing they have done is have each song start out at a point that's especially good for drinking, rather than just the very beginning. And of course, at least in this case, most of the songs are brilliant.

Checkit: These Are Powerful Hours

Esoteric - Egoclapper: Album Review

Esoteric, Egoclapper (Fly Casual, 2007)
Esoteric is the rappin' half of the group 7L & Esoteric, which released one of my favorite albums last year, A New Dope. For this solo project, Esoteric handles the lion's share of the production, as well as the rappin'.

Peep tracks from Egoclapper at the 7LES MySpace:

• 7L & Esoteric @ MySpace

Wu-Tang Clan: Better than Nas

According to Last Week's Poll
New albums from Nas, Lil' Wayne, Saigon, Ghostface Killah, and the Wu-Tang Clan will all (maybe) be released in the next several weeks. Last week's poll had to do with which of these albums is the most anticipated. Here are the results.

Most anticipated?

1. 8 Diagrams (155 votes)
2. The Dreaded N-Word (143 votes)
3. Tha Carter III (134 votes)
4. The Big Doe Rehab (76 votes)
5. The Greatest Story Never Told (50 votes)

As it turns out, and as I discussed in a story for XXL last week, cracka-ass crackas still love them some Wu-Tang Clan. Their forthcoming 8 Diagrams topped the entire poll and received about twice as many votes as Ghostface Killah's forthcoming solo album, The Big Doe Rehab.

Lil' Wayne's Tha Carter III did almost as well as new albums by the Wu and Nas, but probably not as well as you'd think, given the fact that all you hear on the radio these days is Lil' Wayne. He hasn't even had an album out in years, and yet he shows up on the cover of XXL every other month now.

Ghostface's The Big Doe Rehab didn't do so well in this poll, but at least he can claim he's got his own group to compete with. Meanwhile, people just don't seem interested in Saigon's The Greatest Story Never Told. That's probably why it's since been pushed back even further, into tax write-off season.

***

Next week's poll, which is already up, will determine (literally, this will replace the primary elections) which candidate will be the Democratic nominee for next year's presidential election. Vote or die.

The Las Vegas debate

Choose and Lose '08
It's not even 2008, but last night was the eighth of the Democratic debates leading up to next year's presidential election. I think I'd seen two of them before, and wrote about one of them here. The other one I saw a few minutes of while I was at my parents' house having a beer after work. The one last night was in Las Vegas and hosted by CNN, featuring questions from Wolf Blitzer, Campbell Brown (do I even have to say it?), and Eric Roberts, of all people.

A few thoughts on the debate:

-People are obviously beginning to get pissed at the format of these debates. Before it began, Wolf made it a point to note that there wouldn't be any ticking time clocks or loud buzzers or anything. But people began to get pissed right away with the fact that all of the questions seemed to revolve around Hillary.

-Obama played himself by letting Wolf egg him on into talking shit about Hillary. Hillary had obviously spent the week working on ways to rebuff pretty much anything anyone could have possibly said, and there were times when the crowd booed both Obama and John Edwards for trying to attack her.

-I'm not even sure where he stands on the issues, but Joe Biden was easily the gulliest man on the whole stage. He seemed to have the audience behind him more so than anyone else just by virtue of not sounding like a typical politician - even though a lot of his actual comments struck me as fairly typical.

-I'm assuming John Edwards' tack at this point is to appeal to the left wing by throwing the term "Bush and the neocons" into each of his responses. It didn't seem to be working all that well.

-Chris Dodd is officially more hispanic than Bill Richardson, and Joe Biden is officially more black than Barack Obama.

-As usual, Dennis Kucinich was the only one who was making any sense, and the weird thing is, it seemed like the audience agreed with him more so than they did anyone else. You get the idea he'd be doing a lot better at this point, if the press hadn't written him off as being a second-tier candidate a long time ago.

And here's some analysis of the debate courtesy of CNN:

Analysis: Clinton makes a recovery in Las Vegas debate

Crazed Polack tasered to death at the airport

After the jump is some information about the video I copied and pasted from YouTube.

The Real World: Sydney - Episode 16: Episode Summary

Once again, MTV didn't even bother to rerun last week's episode tonight. That could be a bad sign. The previews last week made it look like KellyAnne was knocked up with Cohutta's baby, and Isaac was about to give her a DIY abortion, but you know how they do with those things.

The 100 Greatest Indie Rock Albums Evar

The new Blender, with Jay-Z on the cover has a list of the 100 greatest "indie-rock" albums.

A few thoughts on the list:

-I'm not sure how they went about determining what constitutes indie rock. There's one rap album on the list - De La Soul's 3 Feet High and Rising, which is actually ranked pretty high.

-And in the case of Nirvana, it looks like they didn't include Nevermind or In Utero, which were released on major labels - though it looks they did include some other albums released by major labels.

-And I'm assuming this was also the case with the Flaming Lips. In Utero and Transmissions from the Satellite Heart > this entire list. Combined.

-The Hold Steady managed to crack the top 20, with Separation Sunday. I think I've mentioned before on this site that I'm a big fan of that album, though these days I mostly crank Boys and Girls in America.

-That Rilo Kiley album in the top 50 seems especially wrong. That Jenny Lewis solo record was way better, and it's not even on the list.

-Or is that considered country? There's no Ryan Adams on the list either, though there is stuff like Bright Eyes and Wilco.

-Since my knowledge or indie rock is not quite as encyclopedic as my knowledge of amateur Internets pr0n, I'm at a loss for anything else that seems especially egregious in its absence.

Here's the top 10:

10 The Smiths - The Smiths
09 Big Star - Third/Sister Lovers
08 My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
07 The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground
06 Arcade Fire - Funeral
05 Pixies - Surfer Rosa
04 R.E.M. - Murmur
03 The Replacements - Let It Be
02 Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation
01 Pavement - Slanted And Enchanted

You can check the rest of the list at stereogum (via).

Kleio Lune

The Best Cans on the Internets?
Speaking of pornography, the other day, I was up late browsing the Internets, looking for ways I might be a better asset to my community. I stumbled upon some pictures of this broad with some of the best cans I've ever seen. Evar. And I figured I'd be remiss if I didn't share them with you.

Unlike the situation with the late, great Amanda Wenk, who also turned up on my radar as a sheer matter of coincidence, this girl purposely takes pictures of herself in the nude and posts them on the Internets. So there shouldn't be any issues, like before, with her being kicked out of Wikipedia and having to settle for being in some knock-off Wikipedia for pervs.

As of right now, an Internets search for Kleio Lune only turns up about 300 results, and only one that's particularly relevant, namely her blog/amateur pr0n site (a search for Amanda Wenk turns up about 93,000 results), but you have to wonder for how long this will be the case.

Amanda Wenk's face was always kinda buttery, and I'm sure many would argue that this girl's is as well, but I don't know. I kinda like both of them more so than I like anything else. If there's an issue with this broad, it's that she's a bit pale, but I'd argue that her cans are more impressive in both size and shape, not to mention the fact that they're... you know, out in the open.

At her blog/amateur pr0n site, there's a link to her latest photo gallery in the upper left hand corner so you can see what I'm talking about. And using my gully haX0r skills, I also found this link to the rest of the galleries on the site.

And here's a few rapidshare links to some other photos which, for whatever reason, aren't linked to on the site. Don't click on any of them if you're under 18. I'd hate for some poor child to have his life ruined.

http://rapidshare.com/files/22803422/ClioLuneBlue.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/22787581/ClioLuneShower.rar.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/23324863/unofficial_suicide_girl_SG-_Kleio_complete.rar
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=U1O7KNVZ
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SJ7H4E8K

Go cop the new Playboy

No, Really
The one with Kim Kardashian on the cover. In it is a story called "The White to Bear Arms," written by Joe Bageant, author of Deer Hunting with Jesus, and featuring quotes from yours truly.

The gist of it is that gun control laws are purposely intended to disarm black folks, which I don't necessarily disagree with, though I'm generally no advocate of packing heat. It's attached to a story, written by a guy named Ishmael Reed, about that journalist who got killed by those black Muslim thugs out in Oakland. I did a story on that for XXL back when it happened.

As I mentioned before on this site, I wasn't all that impressed with naked photos of Kim Kardashian (which, it turns out, were done by Hype Williams, director of the hilariously god-awful Belly), but the centerfold this month - some model from Brazil - is smokin'. I think I'm gonna tear it out and put it up on my wall, old school-style.

There's also an excerpt from the new book by Norman Mailer, who was unfortunate enough to die on the same weekend as Kanye West's mother, and an interview with Bill Richardson, the Mexican who's running for president. I haven't read hardly any of it, but I might, if I ever get bored of looking at the naked pictures. Nullus?

KFC has an album out

And wouldn't you know, it features nothing but black people singing about fried chicken.

In fact, that was the whole point of the album. It was created as part of a contest, for Black Music Month, in which KFC encouraged aspiring artists to record a song featuring the word KFC, as well as a few other warm and fuzzy diversity terms such as Pride and Community. Prizes for the winning entry included "a recording opportunity worth $5,000" and an appearance on BET's Rap City.

Voting took place on the KFC website in July and August, and the winner is a guy named D Mawl, with a song called "Sounds Good to Me." If I would have known this was going on, I would have stopped by the KFC website myself and voted. A few times.

From the press release for the contest:

The contest winner isn’t the only one who comes out on top. One lucky online voter will be randomly selected to win 360 $1 KFC gift checks redeemable for 360 KFC Snacker® sandwiches, or other menu items at participating locations.

Does the idea of $1 "gift checks" redeemable for tiny chicken sandwiches (damn near one for each day of the year) strike anyone else as reminiscent of food stamps? I'm just saying.

R U the Next Hitmaker? [KFC]

Donda West: A Video Tribute

After the jump is a video tribute I put together for Kanye West's mother, Donda, who died this weekend from complications stemming from a surgical procedure. My condolences to Kanye West and his family.

Guys, it's OK to cry

According to Last Week's Poll
Let's say you're at a party with a broad, and things aren't going well. You've had a few too many, and she's got a bad attitude problem. She keeps talking shit about you, embarrassing you in front of your friends. Maybe she even attacks you physically. Something's gonna have to happen, and you're guessing it's either gonna involve you "laying hands" on this broad, or crying like a little bitch. That's just where the evening's headed at this point.

Last week's poll had to do with which is your best option. Here are the results.

Worse thing a guy could do?

1. Hit a woman (318 votes)
2. Cry like a little bitch (165 votes)

Obviously neither of these is a very good option if you're a guy. Hitting a woman is just wrong, both legally (depending where you are) and morally, but it's hard to tell what the consequences will be if you get caught crying like a little bitch. It could just be that people laugh at you and call you a fruit for a few days. Or, your entire life could be ruined.

Case in point, does anyone remember that guy who's political career was pretty much ruined because he started crying because a guy at a newspaper was talking shit about his wife? If I remember correctly, he was favored to win the Democratic nomination in 1972, the year McGovern ended up running, but I bet hardly any of you bitches have ever heard of him.

Meanwhile, I'm at a loss for a similar example of a guy whose career was ruined because people heard he "disciplined" his wife. Which is not to say that I approve of that sort of thing. I'm just saying. You have to wonder if the two-thirds of you who voted for hitting a women aren't just saying that.

The Big Doe Rehab

I'm not normally in the business of posting press releases in full, but I figured what the fuck. I'm feeling kinda lazy this afternoon. My blackness must have gotten the best of me. So you can check that out after the jump.

Also, I need somebody to do me a favor and email me a link to that new Wu  mixtape via rapidshare or whatever. I tried signing up for that bullshit Loud Records website, and the shit didn't work. I never did get the email to activate my account. Typical Wu-Tang Clan, I swear.

The Real World: Sydney - Episode 15: Episode Summary

The fact that MTV didn't even bother to rerun last week's episode - in which Shauvon opted to go back home, and the group went to the Great Barrier Reef, snorkeled and came back home all in the space of 15 minutes - has to tell you something. This season is already more than half of the way over, and there may not be a whole lot else interesting that happens. I'm especially gonna miss Shauvon's cans.

Little Brother - GetBack: Album Review

Little Brother, GetBack (ABB, 2007)
Speaking of careers on the skids, Little Brother have broken up and been dropped like a bad habit from Atlantic Records since their last album. Will all this bode well for them artistically? Yes, actually.

• Little Brother @ MySpace

Lupe Fiasco - Superstar: Track Review

No Carpenters/Big Luther.

After Fiascogate from a few weeks ago, not to mention allegations that he pulled a jihad on a woman's neck, you get the idea that Lupe Fiasco's career is going the way of Little Brother's. He'll drop another album on Atlantic, it'll do even worse than the first one, and the next thing you know he'll be giving his shit away for free on the Internets. But damnit if he's not going out without a fight.

As determined in a poll on this site the other day, only like five people liked that song "Dumb It Down," but now he's back with this song "Superstar" featuring that guy Matthew Santos from the last album. I've never heard of this guy other than on Lupe Fiasco albums. I consulted Wikipeda and, come to find out, "Matthew Santos" is the name of the Jimmy Smits character on the West Wing. Hmm...

He kinda reminds me of Robbie Williams, but you know what? I kinda like Robbie Williams? No grown man on a skateboad. Speaking of which, Lupe's rappin' here is more intelligible than it was on "Dumb It Down," which I realize is not saying a whole lot. But perhaps most importantly, the production on this - even if it's not really all that interesting - is at least not nearly as grating as half the shit on Food and Liquor.

Check the video for "Superstar" after the jump.

The American Dream, redefined

It was bad enough when illegal immigrants were just stealing our jobs. Now we've got young kids coming into this country with nothing but the water on their backs (sorry), and leaving with fat white chicks named Kelsey.

According to the AP:

A middle school teacher accused of running away to Mexico with a 13-year-old boy when rumors started to swirl that they were having sex was due in court Monday to begin facing charges, three days after the pair was found.

Kelsey Peterson, 25, and Fernando Rodriguez, the subjects of a weeklong search, were taken into custody Friday without incident in Mexicali, Mexico, after the boy's relatives told police he had called home asking for money.

And here's some grim details on their relationship, from another AP story on the incident:

Court documents showed authorities had recovered several e-mails and letters in which the two professed their affection for one another.

In letters, the boy called Peterson his "Baby Gurl" and said their relationship was "just not about the sex but that it was pretty good," according to court documents.

Here's hoping that this doesn't lead to some run for the border (no pun intended) by young Mexican dudes looking for their own "baby gurl." For evidence that hispanic guys like their women nice and chubby, one need look no further than your typical Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

Speaking of which, I've noticed for a while now at the BGM this phenomenon of humongous white chicks - normally primarily the domain of broke black dudes - walking around with relatively tiny Mexican guys. Never mind jobs, which black guys don't need as much anyway. A sudden increase in this phenomenon could be the real straw that breaks the camel's back with regard to black-hispanic relations in this country.

Or am I reading too much into this?

Nebraska teacher accused of liaison with 13-year-old due in court [CNN]

The new Jay-Z album is good

According to Last Week's Poll
I would imagine the vast majority of you fruits who are interested in the new Jay-Z album heard it at some point in the past week or so. The rest of you will have a chance to hear it when it hits stores tomorrow.

So far I've heard a range of opinions re: American Gangster, from, "I don't even like it as much as I did Kingdom Come" (my own opinion), to, "I think it's one of his best albums, right up there with The Blueprint" (any number of dumbasses).

Last week's poll had to do with whether or not American Gangster is a good album. Here are the results.

The new Jay-Z album?

1. It's good (253 votes)
2. It's not good (143 votes)

About 64% of you think it's a good album, which, if my math is correct, works out to about two-thirds. I kinda wish more than a third of you thought otherwise - because of course the main reason I use the Internets is to have my opinion validated by other haters - but what are you gonna do?

I'll still maintain that American Gangster is not a very good album. For more on this, you might want to check my post on it at XXL last week.

***

Next week's poll, which is already up, seeks to determine which is the worse thing a guy could do -  cry like a little bitch, or hit a woman. It'll be interesting to see how this one turns out.

A handy guide to things black people shouldn't do

There's so many bullshit protests black people are supposed to be participating in these days, you'd be forgiven if you weren't even aware of a good half of them. To help keep track of them all, I put together the following list.

Things black people shouldn't do:

1) Eat at KFC - Can you believe the racist fucks over at KFC had the sheer balls to air a commercial depicting a black family with no father? Granted I'm sure mine is the only black family that has a father these days anyway, but still. You don't see a KFC commercial with a table of Jews sitting around counting money.

2) Watch Dog the Bounty Hunter - It could be the case that no black people (like literally no one) watched Dog the Bounty Hunter anyway, but now we've gotta make sure nobody starts. Why? The guy's a fucking racist. The National Enquirer got him on tape shouting the n-word several times because his daughter was dating a black guy or some shit.

3) Buy anything today - I bet you didn't know that today is the day black people aren't supposed to spend any money on anything, and you know why? Because the racist-ass media has failed to inform you of this. Show the white man that black people mean business by holding off on those spinning car rims and clean white tennis shoes you've been thinking about until tomorrow.

4) Shop at Overstock.com - Given a choice, why buy discount furniture from a store whose CEO advocates burning black kids just because they can't read good? I'm pretty sure that's how Hitler got started.

5) Buy the new Nas album - After all of the progress in race relations black people have made this year by (literally) burying the n-word (never mind that recent rash of noose-hangings), can you believe Nas is planning to release an album with the dreaded n-word as its title? Clearly this is a plot by the Jewish cabal that runs rap music to keep black people mired in poverty and hopelessness.

If there's any I forgot, feel free to list them in the comments. Hopefully no one tries to steal this idea and turn it into its own separate website, like that time when the RZA invented Serato.

Junk Science - Gran'dad's Nerve Tonic: Album Review

Junk Science, Gran'dad's Nerve Tonic (Embedded/Def Jux, 2007)
The group Junk Science, which consists of Baje One on the raps and DJ Snafu on the beats, make extra-lo-fi, old school-sounding indie rap a la Edan or somebody. This is their second album.

• Junk Science @ MySpace

Lupe Fiasco beating up women

What is it with these "conscious" rappers having so many problems with women? I remember reading earlier this year or maybe last year that Talib Kweli started crying after getting into a fight with a woman at a party at 50 Cent's house. And now I'm hearing that Lupe Fiasco had to lay hands on a woman - choked the shit out of her, actually - at a launch party for a new cell phone.

Here's an eyewitness report from someone who was there and saw the whole thing, courtesy of AllHipHop:

“Last night I went to the T-mobile event at the Bowery Hotel. Celebrities like John Legend, DJ Clue, Just Blaze and Lupe Fiasco came through. Bowery Hotel is brand new and nice. Lupe was talking to a young lady and the girl threw her drink in his face. Lupe then proceeds to choke her out. The bouncers threw Lupe out of the party. Lupe said it was not his fault. I don’t know what he said to the girl but she obviously didn’t like it.”

Damn, Lupe.

It was bad enough he tore his draws with the girls over at okayplayer over Midnight Marauders, but choking the shit out of a woman at a party? Honestly, I'm at a loss for what he could do at this point to damage his career any further.

Checkit: Hip-Hop Rumors: Lupe In Fight With Girl? Mya Dropped? Lil Wayne Bigger Than 'Pac? [AllHipHop]