The Real World: Denver - Episode 28: Episode Summary

After what seems like (and really was) an eternity, tonight is the last episode of the Real World Denver. The previews made it look like some extra dramatic shit is going to happen, but who knows. Last week's trip to Thailand episode was kinda weird and condensed.

As the episode begins, the group has just gotten back from Thailand and they've only got a few days left in Denver. Stephen is out at a bar somewhere with Jenn, and you get the idea that Stephen is redoubling his effort to score before the season is over. At one point, he tells her, she's "awesome."

Meanwhile, Davis and Alex(?) are out at a teh ghey bar with this kid Josh who Davis met in town and I guess is going to try to bang before he goes home. Nullus. They head back to the house and Davis makes a show of his drinking, as if to suggest, "Look, I'm about drunk enough to blow a guy!"

So they end up doing the teh ghey man nasty. Jenn and Colie sit on Stephen's bed and watch them go at it. Brooke, whom you'll recall tried to turn Davis straight (if only she would've tried harder) seems pretty amused that Davis couldn't make it a few more days without cheating on PJ. Again, nullus.

In what could very well be the best move he'll ever make, Steven takes advantage of all of the teh ghey rutting going on in his room to ask Jenn if he can sleep in the room with her. But then she says yes, and he goes outside to shoot hoops with Alex or some shit.

Afterwards, Davis walks his man date to the door and then looks like he's about to call PJ and admit he just took it up the coat, but then Steven walks in, at which point Davis denies up and down that the two of them actually had sex.

Later, Steven takes Jenn up on her ofter, even though the teh ghey rutting has long since ended. Her and Brooke are in their room asleep, when Steven just kinda wanders in and jumps in the bed with Jenn. He goes in for the spoon when she reminds him that she has a boyfriend.

Pffft!

So I'm assuming the two of them didn't do it. The next morning, the two of them are lying in the bed together, and Steven's got a mad suckerish look on his face. He starts making up some shit about how he used to be a hustler (and yet didn't eat for three days?) in a last-ditch attempt at some sympathy poon.

At breakfast, Brooke asks Steven whether or not he banged Jenn, to which he responed, "Pshaw, that girl's like my sister!" which could very well be the least manly phrase in the English language.

Later, Davis gets a call from PJ, who has somehow found about about his little fling with Josh the night before. Fortunately, Davis talks him out of having a huge discussion about it until the show is over, in a few days. Then he heads up stairs and fires off an apologetic, "but I was drunk" email.

Speaking of which, Davis and Jenn head out to the bar, where Davis has a teh ghey-ass breakdown. He confesses to Steven that doesn't want to be a teh ghey guy anymore, which prompts Steven to respond, "Davis, you're a grown-ass man! Snap out of it!" Roffle.

But by the next morning, Davis has decided that nope, he's teh ghey, and he might as well try to get PJ back. He calls PJ again and leaves an apologetic message on his voicemail; then he decides maybe he shouldn't drink so much, for like the umpteent time this season.

***

Um, what the fuck, is this an hour-long episode?

So there's more innuendo wrt whether or not Steven or Jenn are going to do it. Davis, who's sober for the evening, gives them a ride to the club, and I guess there was lots of flirting there. They get back to the house and there's more flirting.

They're in bed together, and it looks like he's going to go for it, but then he doesn't. He mentions some shit in a confessional about how he needs to turn to the lord to decide whether or not he's going to cheat on his girlfriend Merci, and then the next thing you know he's in a church praying.

[Commercial break: I can't believe that a) it's been five years (half a decade!) since the Real World Las Vegas, and b) MTV has actually gotten the group together for some sort of reunion season.]

I guess Steven doesn't have any choice but to call Merci and admit that he's been spooning with (and desperately trying to bang) Jenn, since this shit's eventually going to come on TV anyway, but I don't know. If you're going to be all apologizing for shit, you might as well do something.

On the last night, the group sits around the living room with a bunch of candles and (of course) some alcohol. Colie recites a poem that draws together their work wandering around in the woods as well as their prodigious drinking, and then they head out to dinner at some fancy restaurant.

There's an extended montage in which Brooke thanks everyone for whatever it is that's marginally positive about them. Bleh.

[Commercial break: The commercial for next week's reunion episode (for this season) basically consists of shots of Davis giving the newly endowed Brooke the ol' bronski. Holy crap! I might have to get a DVR before next Wednesday.]

Moving out Day: of course there's gotta be that dumbass thing where everybody's cab shows up at a different time, and so there's a series of heartfelt goodbyes. Colie in particular is taking advantage of this opportunity to do lots of crying and hugging people and what have you.

Epilogue:

Colie, whom you'll recall picked up mono while in Denver, returned to New Orleans, where's she's since added the clap and HPV to her repertoire of communicable diseases.

Brooke took the $5,000 or whatever MTV pays these humps and got a pretty awesome boob job. She shot some commercials for Road Rules and is counting on some rich guy to see them and marry her. If only I had any money.

Alex is probably balls deep in some whore as we speak. Worst case scenario, he can just get on the phone with Colie and tell her to head to wherever he is and hop on his dick, so he'll never really be at a loss.

Steven is heading back to wherever it is in the South he's from for a lifetime of trying and failing to score with white chicks while secretly wondering if he's actually teh ghey. Suffice it to say he's got a lot of praying to do.

Though he claims he's done with his days of getting drunk and hooking up with random-ass guys in bars, Davis will only continue to do so until he eventually dies of AIDS.

At the reunion show, Jenn is going to see Brooke's new fake boobs and get jealous. She's going to try to get some (more) plastic surgery of her own, but it's going to go all wrong and she's going to look horribly mangled for the rest of her life.

Tyrie is going to head back to Nebraska or wherever and try to hook back up with one of those light skinted broads he was courting on the show. He's going to end up beating the crap out of one of them and doing major time.