ByronCrawford.com

Young Jeezy - The Inspiration: Album Review

Young Jeezy, The Inspiration (Def Jam, 2006)
Last year Young Jeezy's solo major label debut Thug Motivation 101 became a sort of runaway smash due in part to his hit collaboration with Akon. Since then he's been labeled the new King of New York by celebrity token black guy A&R Sickamore and had his steez ripped off wholesale by label mate Rick Rawls. Suffice it to say he's kind of a big deal. Nullus?

Smoked crack, got his life back

I don't recommend smoking crack in general, but if you do, you should steer way clear of any alligator pits. Adrian J. Apgar didn't, and it almost cost him his life.

LAKELAND -- A man who was attacked by an alligator this morning was naked and smoking crack at the time, Polk County deputies who rescued him said today.

Of course the amazing part of the story is that the guy actually survived. Neighbors called the cops when they heard Apgar screaming for help - at 4 A.M.

When 5-0 arrived, he was pretty much inside the alligator. It took four of them to pull him out. And he still lost an arm.

I hope it wasn't his smokin' arm!

This would seem amazing when you think of how many people - completely sober ones at that - don't survive alligator attacks, except I think we all know crackheads have superhuman strength.

Peep: Deputies: Man on crack when alligator attacked [Orlando Sentinel]

zzzzzz

"Kill the white people"

The Real World: Denver - Episode 3: Episode Summary

I've yet to see the hour-long premier episode of this shit, but I figured I'd better go ahead and get started recapping this shit if I'm ever going to. My bad. Supposedly they're re-running the first one tomorrow, so we'll see what happens.

There's a guy flying in from NY to do a story on yours truly for a magazine tomorrow, so even that might be a bit of a stretch though.

As Episode 3 begins, there's already some sort of love triangle forming. Alex and one of the girls do the nasty in the guest bedroom while the other sleeps, but the other one finds out because Alex and Jenn left a pizza in the oven as well as, I think, some undies on the floor.

Apparently Colie was under the impression that her and Alex had something going on, so she feels a bit wronged. She even goes so far as to creep up on Jenn while she's in the shower to see if she has any hickies. Um, crazy stalker bitch alert!

[Commercial break: Has anyone else seen this teh ghey-ass Gap commercial with Common? Jeez.]

Once the shower incident is over, Jenn attempts to patch things up with Colie. Turns out she was a bit drunk and had she been sober she would've been more considerate. Like, maybe she would've just blown him. The two of them reach some sort of hoes before bros agreement.

Then Alex tries to patch up his own thing with Colie. He explains to her that just because they made out doesn't mean they're an item. But, for what it's worth, she is a really good kisser. It's too bad she doesn't fuck on the first date like the other broad.

So the next night, Colie goes out, gets tanked, and grabs the first two guys she can find. Her and one of them make out some outside on the street and then in the house, where Alex can see. Are they gonna fuck? Bathing suits are donned. They make their way to the hot tub.

Argh! Commercial break.

It doesn't look like there's going to be any fucking, which is just gay. Does she really expect Alex to be jealous because she kissed some random-ass guy? Has it not occurred to her that the reason he dropped her ass in the first place is because she wasn't about to fuck? Duh!

So once those d-bags leave, Alex talks to Colie and suggests they go out on some sort of date. I think his mom may have talked him into it after he told her about how he banged Jenn on the first night. She's probably worried he's gonna catch AIDS and become the next Pedro.

NEXT WEEK: Something happens to Tyrie in a club and he gets angry.

Rethinking the n-word

Hot new trend: In the wake of the KKKramer incident, mad black dudes are rethinking their use of the dreaded n-word.

Comedy writer Paul Mooney (he was Ask a Black Dude on "Chappelle's Show) used to use the n-word as much as anyone, but now he says he's done with it.

"I've used it and abused it, and I never thought I'd say this," Mooney said, but Richards "is my Dr. Phil ... he's cured me."

Peep: Activists speak out against use of n-word [UPI]

The Internets' own Bomani Jones is also rethinking his use of the term.

"As many of you know, I say that n-word a lot," quoth Bojangles. "I’m unapologetic about it, and I’ve blogged about it quite a bit. I must admit, though, that I’ve spent a lot of time lately with a non-curser, and it has kinda made me rethink some of my language."

Peep: The N-word…again [Bomani Jones]

In the same post, he also wonders what term could possibly replace the n-word the way most black people use it.

Interestingly enough, I addressed this issue in a post I did for XXL on cracka-ass crackas using the dreaded n-word a few months ago.

Back when I started blogging a few years ago, I’d use the n-word every now and again just because I found it a convenient way to refer to black people. After a while though, I began to replace it with the term jig, not so much because I found the n-word offensive, but because the word jig suggests a continuity between the minstrel show era of black entertainment and today, which I find appropriate. The term nigga had almost gotten a bit too empowering.

I know, I know. I'm a visionary.

Peep: The dreaded n-word [XXL]

So, what do you d-bags think: time to let it go, or now more than evar?

Jail public breastfeeders

Unless She's Got a Nice Pair
I wanted to do a story on this last week, but I've been working like a Hebrew slave at the BGM.

Does it strike anyone else as monumentally unfair that a man can't even pleasure himself in a separate room, but a woman can whip her shit out anywhwere and everywhere and just go for it?

SOUTH BURLINGTON, Vt. Nov 15, 2006 (AP)— About 30 parents and their children sat in front of an airline counter Wednesday to protest the treatment of a passenger who said she was kicked off a plane for breast-feeding her child.

As usual, the issue here is not so much whether or not a woman is allowed to do something, but whether she's allowed to rub it in everyone else's face.

When Emily Gillette, the new Rosa Parks for indecent exposure, whipped out her tit on a plane, the flight attendant handed her a blanket so that everyone else didn't have to see. Gillette objected and was subsequently booted from the flight.

Hence this silly "nurse-in" at the airport where the incident took place.

Though, if you notice, none of the mothers in this picture actually have their titties out. I know it's not an issue of the paper refusing to run a picture of a woman breastfeeding, because they did the last time this issue came up, in '05.

Peep: 30 Protest Ejection of Nursing Passenger [ABC News]

Bums stroking it in public libraries

The Fight for a Man's Rights
Something to think about the next time you use a computer in the public library:

The Mt. Clemens Public Library pulled the plug on its internet access, Monday, because they say people were using the computers to look at pornography.

The idea seems to be that kids could accidentally walk by and see the pr0n - or worse.

[Library computers already filter out most pr0n, but legally you can request the filter be turned off, provided you're an adult.]

I remember when I was in college there was an incident where a bum got caught jerking off in one of the terminals at the school library, which we all called Club Pickler.

As I recall (I wasn't there or anything), he was trying to be discreet. But he must have shaken the terminal or something with his furious jacking, because he got caught anyway. No Paul Reubens.

Still, it's not like he just whipped it out in front of a group of kids and started going at it. Which brings me to my point:

Why not just have a separate room where bums can go stroke it to Internets pr0n?

I mean, ostensibly the room would be for anyone who'd need to look at pr0n in a public library, but as long as the door's closed anyway. . .

It wouldn't cost that much money and, for all we know, this might lead to a decrease in sexual assaults by bums.

Peep: Mt. Clemens Library Shuts Down Internet Access [WXYZ]

Video: Jihadi Joe

Just in time for the holidays!

Quit hating the Bol

Are UGK attempting to generate publicity for their new album, Legendary Shermheads, by taking shots at yours truly?

I saw last week that XXL had posted a new track by UGK, but I didn't bother checking it out because - like most people - I don't give a shit. I suppose I should've known the two of them would try to ride our little incident from earlier this year, what with their new album coming out in a few weeks.

You'll recall that Bun B took exception to some shit I said about Pimp C in a story I wrote about how southern rappers are a buncha whiny bitches. (See, it's true!) He responded with a lengthy tirade in the comments to that post, ordering me to shove something or other in my pussy. No Siobhan.

To which I responded with a post called Bun B, quit yer bitchin' as well as a rather gratuitous third post called Pimp C: Legendary Shermhead, which many consider among my finest work to date.

Check out the story on the incident that ran in the Houston Press.

• Cold Cuts: Bun B vs. Byron Crawford [Houston Press]

At which point I was more or less done with it. Not Bun B though. A week or so later, he showed up on Kay Slay's satellite radio show to commiserate about "funny ass niggas on the Internet."

Stream/download audio of Bun B and Kay Slay dissing Bol.

• Bun B and Kay Slay - Two Old Bitches [zSHARE]

Now comes word that Bun B, along with life partner Pimp C and also Willie D (really?) are going at me again on what just so happens to be the first single from their new album.

Desperate much?

Listen for yourself and decide whether UGK and Willie D are going at Bol.

• UGK feat. Willie D "Quit Hatin' the South" [XXL]

Various Artists - Eminem Presents the Re-Up: Album Review

London (London) Bureau Chief Akuma writes:

Eminem Presents: The Re-Up (Shady, 2006)
Eminem's back, new producer, new artists, blah blah, press release reproduction etc..