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September 26, 2006

How to spot a DL brother

The Green-Eyed Bandit

A Guide for the Ladies
According to a recent study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, nearly one in ten men who claim to be straight also happen to have sex with other men. Furthermore, 70% of these DL brothers also happen to be married to women.

Yikes!

The health implications are obvious, with the scourge that is AIDS reaching epidemic levels in the black community and especially among black women. As a public service (no Paul Reubens) to my sisters, I put together the following common sense guide to whether or not your man is on the DL.

Note: For the remainder of this post, I'll be instituting a special state of no homo Juelz Santana.

Five signs your man might be on the down low:

Has he been to prison? Sadly, a lot of brothers pick up these dl tendencies in the joint. Because there aren't any women around, they begin to tell themselves that it's okay to fuck other guys, but they never quite fully accept the fact that they're gay. Indeed once they get out they try to live like straight men, but it can be difficult to give up bufu-ing once you've developed a taste for it. A woman just isn't going to be tight enough anymore.

What kind of jewelry does he wear? Not that I own anything other than a high school class ring, but I personally tend to avoid wearing any jewelry altogether. A gold chain or two might be acceptible for certain ethnic minorities, but once it crosses the line into pinky rings and big-ass earrings and what have you, I'd advise you to steer way clear. Multiple piercings are another dead giveaway. General rule of thumb: If he's rocking a tongue ring, he might have AIDS.

Has he taken you to the California Pizza Kitchen? There's a lot of shit a straight man just doesn't do, and eating a pizza with 15 different types of shit that's not made out of pork would have to be chief among them. General rule of thumb: If he drinks any kind of malt liquor beverage that's not beer, he might have AIDS.

Does he own any Maxwell CDs? Check the nigga's CD collection. If there's an abundance of R&B music produced after, say, 1996, then he might be gay. Personally, I wouldn't trust any man who owns a Maxwell CD. Even that first one with "Ascension (Don't Ever Wonder)."

Is he really into physical fitness? This is a tricky one, because a woman's natural Darwin tendency is to have sex with men who are in good physical condition. That said, a brother that's rocking a six pack is naturally going to be that much more suspect than a brother that's rocking the proverbial fuel tank for a sex machine, especially if he doesn't have any reason to work out other than the fact that he "likes to look good in a suit." General rule of thumb: If he likes to rock tight-ass shirts to show off his physique, he might have AIDS.

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Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.

Copp dat:NaS Lost

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Posted by Bol at 12:33 PM | Permalink

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