Various Artists, SMACK: The Album, Volume 1 (Koch, 2006)
I had always been meaning to check out one of these street DVDs, but for me it's not as easy as going outside and finding your nearest African with a blanket and some incense. Fortunately, the Jewish fellow that runs the venerable Koch Records had the foresight to release an issue of the infamous SMACK DVD magazine in an official version that's actually legal to buy in stores.
GONNA GET MINE (DMX)
DMX is insane. I've actually developed somewhat of an appreciation for him since about that time he was arrested for impersonating an FBI agent.
LOOK NIGGA YOU FOOD (STACK BUNDLES)
I'm not familiar with Stack Bundles, other than that he's yet another mixtape rapper, but I can say I've heard worse. That's probably why they put him second.
REAL NIGGA (B.G.)
This is no "Cash Money Is an Army, Nigga," but it isn't altogether different. I mean, if the beat was better.
WORK (BLEU DAVINCI)
Bleu Davinci has both a fruity name and a fruity delivery to be a gritty street rapper.
STRIP CLUB (RED CAFE FEAT. MACK 10 & FAT JOE)
Best song ever. Peep the chorus: "I'm the owner of the strip club / and I'm the co-owner of the strip club."
LIL BUDDY (CTE FEAT. YOUNG JEEZY, SLICK PULLA & 2 ELEVEN)
This is Young Jeezy's WCs, the Corporate Thugs. Never was there a smaller gap between the talent of a rapper and the talent of his WCs. Except for, you know, the ad-libs.
AINT NOTHIN FUCKIN WIT TEXAS (MDDL FNGZ FEAT. BUN B)
If the saying, "Don't mess with Texas" was a rap song, and it wasn't any good, this is what it would sound like. I notice one of the other guys on this makes a reference to "smoking wet."
IT WON'T STOP (LORD TARIQ)
As I recall, this dude used to write lyrics for Shaq. That money must have run out. Also, it's not like he gets a check for that Shakira nonsense.
NEIGHBORHOOD HOOD NIGGA (SHEA DAVIS)
The chorus to this is truly breathtaking. You can hear it on the MySpace page. Also, what kind of rap name is Shea Davis. Jesus.
Similarly, I'm not sure what a "maino" is. Is that something hispanic people refer to themselves as, like ese? What's up, maino.
EARLY BIRD (PNC FEAT. JUVENILE)
The elaborate packaging that comes with this doesn't include production credits, but this sounds like vintage Mannie Fresh.
UNTIL THEY BURY ME (SANDMAN)
Finally, a rapper that calls himself Sandman. But that's not even the best part. The name of his crew? Bad Company. I think I just died a little bit.
MEANER (INC GANG)
The INC Gang is long-time Murder Inc bag handlers Cadillac Tah and Blackchild, and also a fellow named Young Merse.
DON'T MAKE NO SENSE (REDMAN, KEITH MURRAY & ERICK SERMON)
It's good to see Def Squad back at it, even given what we know about Erick Sermon.
COMMENTS: This is, quite simply, the most ignorant thing in my house right now. I think I'm going to take it outside and put it in my trunk just for the sake of feng shui.
BEST TRACKS: "Gonna Get Mine" "Look Nigga You Food" "Early Bird"