The Real World: Key West - Episode 5: Episode Summary

So yeah, I slept through this last night. No one seemed to give a shit, so I might start doing this next-day-after shit more often, if I'm tired or if I start pre-gaming too early. I'm not as young as I used to be.

The episode begins with the gang pretending to decorate their Mystic Tan. Apparently, this building happened to come with not all of its boards nailed to the wall. Svetlana, who's in charge, is also concerned there might be too much blue on the wall. That could be bad for business.

Actually, I believe Svetlana may be in charge of the money aspect of the business. Three of the guys (Jose was at his INS hearing) have a meeting with the boss about picking someone as manager. Zach elects himself, and the rest of the guys seem to agree that this would be a good idea.

But then they get home and tell Svetlana, and she's like, "Well I don't think it should be you because you have no backbone and you're worthless" (her actual words). Which I took to mean, "I don't like you because you won't pretend to want to have sex with me." Um, no homo.

Meanwhile, apparently the gay guy is a world-class swimmer. Um, what the fuck does this have to do with anything? Hopefully this is a set-up for a later incident in which he gets in a fight or some such. Or maybe he'll have to rescue an already-drowned Jose from the pool.

Tragic as that would be, it wouldn't be the first time an hispanic person died on this show. But Jose has such potential. He owns real estate. His community would be highly upset. Maybe President Clinton would call his parents. Or shit, maybe even President Bush Mengele.

I keep forgetting that the Halfrican American broad has fake boobs, but they really aren't that impressive. Even if they were real they'd only be like slightly better than average. She probably had it done by one of these guys that's not really a surgeon.

And he probably fondled her a bit while she was asleep.

Speaking of girls I would pay (a premium) to fondle, the group decides that a dinner together would be a good time to announce to Svetlana that they decided behind her back that anyone other than her should be manager, preferably Zach. Then later they put it to an official vote.

If I was there, I would've been like, "No, Svetlana deserves to be the manager! She's the one with the true business acumen." Then she would've been like, "Oh, Byron!" And then later on that evening we would've had sex. Yeah.