ByronCrawford.com

Busta Rhymes' listening party

[Note: Busta Rhymes recently held a listening party for his upcoming album The Big Bang. My London Bureau Chief Akuma attended and filed this report. - Bol]

Why on earth record companies choose to hold listening parties in uber-flash venues that normally wouldn’t admit at least half the people that attend is beyond me. Unbelievably a Jack Daniels and Coke costs £14 pounds (that’s about $28 for our American friends). Naturally I stuck to free beer, which made the entire experience less painful.

The album was indeed played, and it’s sounding pretty much like a Busta Rhymes album, albeit a Busta LP with pretty damn solid production. Dr. Dre, Timbaland, Green Lantern, DJ Scratch, Sha Money XL, Swizz Beats and Dilla all contribute – Timbaland especially comes correct with a James Brown sampling up-tempo banger.

Dr. Dre spits on the mic too and supposedly actually wrote his rhymes this time, at least according to James Cruz of Violator, who was quite shameless in admitting that Jay wrote all of Chronic 2001 for Dre. In fact Mr Cruz’s speech was perhaps more entertaining than the music.

Beef was raised with J Records – “Yo, fuck J-Records”, and then strangely squashed minutes later (perhaps on the advice of his press officer or something) – “We have a lot of respect for J Records”. Um, ok. I like the consistency. Also, supposedly Papoose has signed to Flipmode which caused a level of excitement in the room not unlike a paint-drying championship final.

Most surreally of all, we were told that during the recording of one of the tracks Dr Dre set 5 mics up around a pile of soil and planks of wood, and entered the studio carrying a shovel. Now I know they have some real sticky-icky out in Cali but that is just bananas. Still, the track sounded good. Maybe we need more wood in hiphop (nullus maximus Juelz n’ Cam). Unfortunately nobody got shot or beaten. Next time.

Husband on strike

The Fight for a Man's Rights
In addition to the reconquering of the US by Mexicans, who have no legitimate claim to this land, one of the most dire issues this country faces in 2006 is a man's right to have sex with his own wife.

Not too long ago I brought you all the story of a man who had drafted an elaborate contract in which he laid out certain things he would require of his wife, the most controversial being a certain amout of "me time" every evening, when he's in town.

Now a man in what we can presume is rural Michigan has gotten fed up with his wife inviting their children to bed with them and has taken to living in a tent on the couple's roof, as a form of protest.

The rural individual sayeth:

I'm going on strike against my wife because she refuses to remove the children from our bedroom ... I'm speaking on behalf of all of the husbands in this nation that suffer in silence. I plan to be a voice for those husbands that men, we want that time alone with their wives, that's extremely important.

He had been keeping a blog of his historic protest at husbandonstrike.com, but it looks like he's taken it down and since had his domain hijacked, kris ex-style. But here's a news story on it, complete with must see video of him sitting on his roof stroking it to Ebony magazine.

That just ain't right.

BONUS: After the jump is the video for Peter Cetera's "The Glory of Love."

The Case Against La Reconquista

Since when did two wrongs make a right? While it's true that the white man, in some cases, stole land from the Indians and also killed most of them, how is this a good cause for Mexicans to reconquer the US?

First of all, how does one go about reconquering some shit that never belonged to them in the first place? As Big Walt mentioned the other day, the hispanic people native to the areas the US jacked from Mexico would already be in the US (duh!) and hence don't need to jump any fences.

So you see, illegal immigrants have no legitimate claim to the land in question. I'm sure if the US thought there was a valid case to be made here, they would allot for a parcel of land where Mexicans might have a reservation and possibly even a tax-free casino. That's called fairness.

Furthermore, if Mexicans really thought the US stole their country from them, you'd expect them to understand how it feels to have something taken from you. For them to retake the United States, hardly any of which belonged to them in the first place, would only serve to further the cycle of theft.

Hip-hop, the scourge of the black community

As predicted by hip-hop Axis of PC ringleader Jay Smooth, it didn't take too long after the New York Times published its recent article on the sad state of black men before someone came along and blamed it all on hip-hop.

In an op-ed item in the Times this past weekend, a fellow named Orlando Patterson makes the case that the crisis facing young black men today is a cultural problem more so than anything else. In other words, it's all hip-hop's fault. And he's probably right.

To be sure, black kids today are born into some pretty fucked up situations; but, as mentioned in the op-ed piece, youth in other communities who are born into similar situations don't turn to crime and violence at nearly the same rate as black men in the US.

The difference is hip-hop. Given the choice, a lot of these jigs would rather live the lifestyle glorified in your average rap video - dealing drugs, shooting at people, making it with fat women - than go to school and make something of themselves.

As Orlando Patterson himself put it:

SO why were they flunking out? Their candid answer was that what sociologists call the "cool-pose culture" of young black men was simply too gratifying to give up. For these young men, it was almost like a drug, hanging out on the street after school, shopping and dressing sharply, sexual conquests, party drugs, hip-hop music and culture, the fact that almost all the superstar athletes and a great many of the nation’s best entertainers were black.

That said, it should be noted that hip-hop in its essence, as defined by psychopath KRS-One, doesn't necessarily advocate dropping out of school, selling crack, and littering the ghetto with illegitimate future convicts. But since when has KRS-One defined hip-hop?

To find the real source of this problem, one need look no further than the likes of Lyor Cohen and Jimmy "Double Fantasy" Iovine. Hip-hop, which is primarily produced and foisted upon the black community by corporations like Time Warner and Interscope, has become the true scourge of the black community.

Checkit:

• Plight Deepens for Black Men, Studies Warn [New York Times]
• Why jigs can't make it [Ye Olde BC]
• A Poverty of the Mind [New York Times]
• Blame hip-hop [XXL]

Illegal immigrants = racists

While proponents of illegal immigration like to portray blacks and other groups who oppose it as racists, the truth of the matter is that it's the illegal immigrants themselves and their supporters who are the real racists.

First of all, as US Congressman Kevin Powell, formerly of MTV's "The Real World" and also woman beating, will be quick to tell you, black people can't even be racist. Because in order for a group to be racist, it has to have power over another group.

As was mentioned recently in the New York Times, black people don't have power over shit. Many companies will hire a lesser qualified hispanic person over a black person, which is one of the many factors, along with hip-hop, leading to the current crisis in the black community.

Yet and still, anytime the topic of illegal immigration is brought up, the first thing you hear from the mouths of hispanics and other proponents of illegal immigration is that an hispanic person will take a job a black man won't, because black people are lazy.

But then these assholes are the first ones to shout racism anytime someone supports legislation that might keep them from illegally entering our country, driving down our wages, and driving us out of our own neighborhoods.

A lesson for my hispanic brothers and sisters who, understandably, may not have been taught this elsewhere: When you make a generalization about an entire group of people based on their race, that's called racism.

Most people who are against illegal immigration could care less about the racial make-up of the people breaking into our country. It's the illegal immigrants themselves and their supporters in the business community who continue to inject race into the debate.

***

Also, as it turns out, illegal immigrants are virulently anti-semitic.

Ironic sex with black women

The Next Wave in Hipsterdom
The recent unfortunate incident in Durham, North Carolina brings to light what I feel may be the next big thing in the hipster community - the new trucker hat, if you will. Namely, white male hipsters, for the sake of irony, will begin dating black women.

Already, hipsters have been known to date Asian women and really short white women (who are also Asian in a sense) for the sheer irony of it, as can be seen in this handy diagram. But after the events of this past weekend, these two groups may not prove to be quite ironic enough any longer.

The average Asian broad, having been adopted by rich white people at birth, may not be ethnic enough to be truly ironic. And what's ironic about having sex with a white woman, really, regardless of her height? You'd almost have to violate her in some way to make that case.

Black women, on the other hand, seem to be moving further and further from the American mainstream culturally, even as they make certain strides economically (thanks to a special tax credit corporations receive for employing them). How else to explain the popularity of Tyler Perry?

Where as a white or hispanic woman begins to feel inferior (and rightfully so) after putting on a few extra pounds, a black woman can put on seemingly any amount of weight and pretend as if there's no difference at all. That's ironic. Don't even get me started on that infamous black woman attitude!

With black women's newfound financial independence and the hipster's constant need to up the ante on the irony, this should work out well for both groups. Preference may be given to women with proud black names such as Precious and Sharonda, but any ol' heifer would do, provided she's not too attractive.

That would ruin the effect.

[Before any of you d-bags attempt to flame me for this one, it should be noted that a) I'm against racism and b) I date women for their personality first, then their personal appearance.]

The Real World: Key West - Episode 5: Episode Summary

So yeah, I slept through this last night. No one seemed to give a shit, so I might start doing this next-day-after shit more often, if I'm tired or if I start pre-gaming too early. I'm not as young as I used to be.

The episode begins with the gang pretending to decorate their Mystic Tan. Apparently, this building happened to come with not all of its boards nailed to the wall. Svetlana, who's in charge, is also concerned there might be too much blue on the wall. That could be bad for business.

Actually, I believe Svetlana may be in charge of the money aspect of the business. Three of the guys (Jose was at his INS hearing) have a meeting with the boss about picking someone as manager. Zach elects himself, and the rest of the guys seem to agree that this would be a good idea.

But then they get home and tell Svetlana, and she's like, "Well I don't think it should be you because you have no backbone and you're worthless" (her actual words). Which I took to mean, "I don't like you because you won't pretend to want to have sex with me." Um, no homo.

Meanwhile, apparently the gay guy is a world-class swimmer. Um, what the fuck does this have to do with anything? Hopefully this is a set-up for a later incident in which he gets in a fight or some such. Or maybe he'll have to rescue an already-drowned Jose from the pool.

Tragic as that would be, it wouldn't be the first time an hispanic person died on this show. But Jose has such potential. He owns real estate. His community would be highly upset. Maybe President Clinton would call his parents. Or shit, maybe even President Bush Mengele.

I keep forgetting that the Halfrican American broad has fake boobs, but they really aren't that impressive. Even if they were real they'd only be like slightly better than average. She probably had it done by one of these guys that's not really a surgeon.

And he probably fondled her a bit while she was asleep.

Speaking of girls I would pay (a premium) to fondle, the group decides that a dinner together would be a good time to announce to Svetlana that they decided behind her back that anyone other than her should be manager, preferably Zach. Then later they put it to an official vote.

If I was there, I would've been like, "No, Svetlana deserves to be the manager! She's the one with the true business acumen." Then she would've been like, "Oh, Byron!" And then later on that evening we would've had sex. Yeah.

Hipster party run amok

First of all, my bad about last night's Real World. Illegal Mexican immigrants barred me from viewing and writing a summary of it. I may try to catch the first rerun later on today. I get the feeling no one cares about this season anyway.

Speaking of rape, do frat boys in the rural South normally hire black chicks to dance at their bachelor parties? I would assume not, but I honestly have no idea what goes on down there.

I was at Bojangles' site yesterday when I came across the story of this black exotic dancer who claims she was assaulted, kidnapped, robbed and raped (not necessarily in that order) while performing at a bachelor party thrown by members of the Duke University lacrosse team.

Which struck me as odd, because all the white bachelor parties I ever attended featured white "entertainment." Could it be that this was yet another hipster party run amok? Which is not to suggest that a room full of white guys wouldn't be interested in seeing a black chick strip. I wouldn't want to offend anyone.

In fact, the problem seems to have begun when the crowd started yelling racial slurs at the woman while she was "performing," at which point she stopped dancing and began to cry. At a regular strip club this is the point when an Italian fellow might emerge with a hammer, but I guess when it's your house you gotta get your money's worth.

It's worth noting that the victim in this case also worked as an escort. She would meet random men to fuck about 3 times a week, which she claims helps pay her way through college and also take care of her undoutedbly fatherless child.

That, and strippers who perform at your house (without so much as a bodyguard, even) have been known to go above and beyond the call of duty. Or so I've heard.

Checkit:

• Dancer gives details of ordeal
  

Two albums that aren't classics

So it looks like it's that time of year again. In a post at the graveyard that is Hip Hop Blogs, Hashim suggests TI's King is "a classic" and "an album we'll be enjoying a decade from now." Meanwhile, Ghostface Killah's Fishscale has received one of the most fawning reviews from Pitchfork since they let Sean "Hurricane" Fennessey review Late Registration.

As much as I hate to interrupt happy time, I'm going to have to call bullshit on this one. Both of these albums are pretty good as far as modern rap albums are concerned, but neither one of them is really worth more than maybe an 8 out of 10. I definitely wouldn't refer to either one of them as a classic.

As I mentioned in the comments at Hip Hop Blogs, the last 6 tracks on the TI album are pure unadulterated shit. And it's not like the first 12 constituted Illmatic either. The Ghostface album, on the other hand, is just kinda meh throughout. I like it well enough, but I can't believe people are comparing it to Supreme Clientele. Bulletproof Wallets might be a more apt comparison.

One fellow in the comments to my Fishscale review wondered if the "Haterade" had gotten the best of me. I can assure you this isn't the case. Just because there's been a dearth of listenable rap albums these past couple of years doesn't mean we can arbitrarily declare any old half-assed album that comes out a classic. That kind of logic only applies to dating.

For more hip-hop related madness, you might want to check out my posts so far this week at XXL, especially today's post about Jay-Z.

And on an unrelated note (mostly), the Lesbo Johnson incident continues to play out elsewhere in the blogosphere. Perhaps I'll revisit it later in the week.

• Bol vs. The World [jimbrah izrael]
• Blogging While Black Backlash [gay brotherlove]
• Blogging While Black? [The Couch Sessions]

Oh, and I wrote a post today for the infamous Weed Carriers blog. I may add links to it in the sidebar so people can keep up. These are heady times in the weed carrier community to say the least.

No homo.

The myth of cheap fruit (nullus)

Branching off from this morning's post about how racist black people are attempting to deny poor unfortunate hispanics their god-given right to disregard any laws they find inconvenient, I thought it would be instructive to take a look at this myth of the $6 orange these assholes like to bring up.

It goes a little something like this (hit it): If Mexicans aren't allowed to retake what's left of the United States, there won't be anyone to pick the oranges. The price of said oranges will then rise to $6 per and Americans will all starve to death. Hence, illegal immigrants are actually doing us all a favor. For shizzle.

Here's something for you d-bags to consider: If this was really the case, then how come oranges didn't cost $6 per back before La Reconquista, when you actually had to pay people to pick them? Could it be that oranges cost roughly the same now as they did then, and that the only difference now is that some TI is stuffing even more money down his pockets while the rest of us suffer?

Interestingly enough, the argument you hear proponents of illegal immigration using so often - that these people are starving to death and hence willing to work for less - is the exact same argument that multi-national corporations use to build sweatshops in places like Indonesia. It's not especially different from the argument Wal-Mart uses to pay rednecks $6 an hour.

Could it be that guilty white liberal-types, in their quest to appear more liberal than thou, have actually become rather conservative?

If you support illegal immigration into the United States, you support the systematic transfer of wealth from poor, tax-paying American citizens into the hands of the tall Israelis who run this country's industries. Silly identity politics aside, there's nothing particularly progressive about that.