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March 08, 2006

Arular vs. Live Through This

ArularLive Through This

In honor of International Women's Day, one of my personal favorite holidays, I thought it would be interesting to take a look at the two most critically acclaimed albums ever released by women[1].

Also, later on tonight I may be donating money to some young women's college careers.

Loved though they were by the critical establishment, both of these albums have their share of detractors, which may or may not be due to rampant sexism in the music industry.

For example, it's been claimed that both of Courtney Love's good albums were secretly written by men (in exchange for sex) - Billy Corgan, and, in this case, the late, great Kurt Cobain. Many people claim that MIA's Arular is a grating piece of shit.

That said, which one of these is the better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

HOTNESS

MIA has a body like your average Chinese broad, but otherwise that bitch is fucking smokin! If I had to do it with a girl from Sri Lanka, it would most definitely be her. After having her thoroughly checked out, of course.

Courtney Love is what my old man Joe Crawford would call a miracle of modern medicine. At this point, there might not be anything about her that's not plastic, but even by the time this album came out she may have already had her hook nose worked on. Still, I'll admit to finding her somewhat hot back in the day. As I recall, she was a few years older than Kurt Cobain at the time, which would make her about 46 today.

FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES

While they both possess a certain talent, neither one of these broads would be nearly as famous if they weren't related to someone famous. MIA's father, for whom her album was named, was one of those bizarre Southeast Asian warlords that ran around the jungle whacking people's heads off with a machete.

Courtney Love, on the other hand, was married to and did copious amounts of heroin (while pregnant) with Kurt Cobain, one of rock music's all-time great talents.

TRUE SENSE OF DANGER

One of MIA's main selling points with the critical establishment has been her PLO-chic posturing. At one point I think she even shouts them out, though if you were to ask her (or her patrons at Viacom and Toyota) about it, I'm sure she'd explain that it was some sort of metaphor.

As mentioned above, Courtney Love did heroin. Lots of it. While pregnant, even. A little while after this album was released the chick who played bass on it died of an overdose; not to mention the guy from the Smashing Pumpkins, or the guy from Blind Melon, or Cobain himself for that matter.

Does anybody know what that guy the Temple of the Dog album is dedicated to died from? I suppose what counts is the fact that he's dead. Oh, and the guy from Sublime. Damn, almost forgot him. Children, your father is slipping.

Nobody died as a result of MIA's silliness but a bunch of furriners.

CONCLUSION: Live Through This > Arular

[1] Note that though I have a tendency towards gift for hyperbole, this is probably actually true. The results of several important critics' polls bear this out. Like I said, don't try to argue.

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Posted by Bol at 12:00 PM | Permalink

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