The Real World: Austin - Episode 20: Episode Summary

A Message from Your Father: It's always about this point in the season when I gind myself thinking, I can't believe I've been doing this shit for 20 weeks. What a fucking waste! Usually, these things go about 25 episodes. So unless there's one of those situations like the year Frankie went home, or that Cuban broad from Miami (for my fellow senior citizens), basically nothing important will happen from here on out. I'll still write about it anyway though. Probably.

A van shows up to the house to give them a lift to the airport and Wes can't believe how big it is. Like, he seriously makes a big deal about the size of the van. Between that and the previews showing Lacey on the phone revealing that she can't swim and Melinda talking about her relationship with Danny, we can see where this is going.

As soon as they get there, they strip down and head towards the beach, almost as if they'd been instructed to. Melinda's boobs are big enough that they'd look rather obscene in damn near any bathing suit, let alone the one she chose to bring along. But then it gets all gay when the guys decide to go skinny dipping. Seriously.

Later on that night, or four days later or whatever, there's a little dustup in which they're walking down the street, clearly intoxicado, and some young fellows on bicycles make the mistake of looking at Melinda, as if it'd be possible not to. They're lucky they didn't crash their bikes.

Danny's having some issues anyway because a) he's not able to hang out with Wes and Neo Geo as often as he'd like and b) he's worried (and rightfully so) that Melinda might give in to her whorish instincts at any moment and hook up with some guy. You can tell he's one of those guys, like CT from the Paris season, that enjoys fighting in the street.

So they go surfing, sort of. You knew Lacey was going to look ridonkulous in a swimsuit anyway, but it really is shocking how fucking glow in the dark she is. We're also treated to copious amounts of footage of Melinda tucking her boobs back into her bikini after they've fallen out. Thank you, MTV.

Lacey tells Wes that he looks like Prince Harry - which I guess he kinda does - and he hatches this dumbass scheme to pretend as if he's actually him that evening at the bar. He has Rachel and the rest of the dumbasses pat people down before they can try to talk with him.

Meanwhile, the whore that she is, Melinda casually mentions that she's going to fuck some other guy, which causes Danny to break up with her right then and there. Next thing you know it's the next morning and he can't remember what happened, or so he says. Then he buys her some almost worthless trinket and all is forgiven - for the time being anyway.

NEXT WEEK: That Wren broad refuses to have sex with Wes. Somebody else gets locked up.