September 30, 2005
Beanie Sigel to sign with G-Unit?
Is G-Unit becoming the next Koch Records? How long until we're seeing Grand Puba and KRS-One doing the Tony Yayo dance on MTV Jams?
Beanie Sigel apparently had some talks with Fiddy while he was in jail and may or may not be signing with G-Unit. That way he can avoid the emotional turmoil of picking between Jay-Z and Dame Dash. Nullus?
"I got my own [State Property imprint] with Universal," he explained. "I didn't want to be in the situation where I had to pick between my homies. ... I just said the best thing for me to do as a man and true friend was to back up from both situations."
Here's the thing: Dame Dash put out Beanie's last album while he was locked up and was all going out on the road doing promotion and shit. So there's that. But the truth of the matter is that Dame probably didn't have shit else better to do anyway.
We know he's no longer allowed in the Roc-A-Wear building after having been forcefully removed recently. And it's not like he's got anyone else on the Dame Dash Music Group other than ODB's corpse.
If it weren't for Dame Dash's feelings, signing with Jay-Z probably would've been his best option. Even if he has a better deal at Universal, it's not like he's going to sell very many albums.
The Game was a gay stripper
That Teh Ghey was once a male stripper has been known for a while. I know it's been posted here before and probably some of everywhere else. Nullus. Well, apparently, Jay-Z has footage of Teh Ghey dancing for a buncha dudes in a gay bar and getting tips and everything else. Teh Ghey's mom used to own a gay bar, which is where he used to strip.
Because Teh Ghey has had beef with Memphis Bleek for a while and was trying to front like he was cool with Jay and then went and was talking mad shit about him, Jay is planning on going at him at this Power 105 concert that's coming up next month. Presumably, this footage will be shown on a big screen, not unlike those photos of Prodigy from Mobb Deep tap dancing in a bedazzled sweater.
Needless to say, if this is true, Teh Ghey's career is fucking over. I mean, even I once rocked a red pleather coat and rocked out to the sweet sounds that are Thriller. That shit was one of the best albums ever. But rubbing your nuts in another man's face for two dollars? Hip-hop in 2005 is pretty gay, what with all these jigs working out and dancing around on stage with their shirts off, but still.
September 29, 2005
Raven Symone is a disgusting fat lady
Not to reveal too much about myself, but today's TRL was hosted by Shia Lebeouf, Amanda Bynes and Raven Symone. I would've switched it over to whatever was on VH1, but the remote was about three feet out of reach, and I wasn't about to get up.
Anyway, how much more disgusting is Raven Symone going to get before there's some sort of intervention? While basically all female child stars aren't nearly as hot when they grow up (yes, even Alyssa Milano), this beast is pushing severe Carnie Wilson territory.
Prediction: Within five years, she'll be in some reality show about her getting a gastric bypass operation. If we're lucky, she may be the first celebrity to die from the procedure. Or does that only happen when poor people get them?
And at least Carnie Wilson has got that first Wilson Phillips album to her credit. Don't front, "Hold On" was one of the better songs from the early '90s. Raven Symone has never, at any point, even by accident, done anything at all worthwhile in her life. She never will.
I'm convinced that Disney only keeps her on the payroll because they're afraid that if they fire her, people will think it's because she's fat and they'll lose some amount of money that's presumably more than what they're currently paying her. And also because there's some kind of government conspiracy to keep young black women disgustingly overweight.
ALSO: Interestingly enough, this woman is 20 years old, which makes her not that much younger than myself. I might have to holler at the Disney Channel about getting my own show.
Black vs. white barbecue
St. Louis Stories #7
While we're not as known for it as Memphis or Kansas City, St. Louis actually consumes more barbecue per capita than anywhere else in the country. It's a fact that I once saw on the infamous Food Network, before anybody goes questioning my statistics. Pretty much wherever you are, you're not that far from either a Super Smokers (former employer of yours truly) or its main competitor Bandanas.
Which is cool.
Up until I was like 15 or 16 I didn't really know shit about white people's barbecue. I had eaten a few rib dinners at places like Applebees, and especially those "riblets" things that used to be all you can eat back in the day, but I didn't really know shit about a pulled pork sandwich, which is like the main feature at white barbecue resturants.
Come to think of it, I might have had one or two of them from the KC Masterpiece restaurant in Creve Coeur, but there's a reason you never hear people talk about it anymore. In fact, it might not even still be there. But the main barbecue sandwich I was into at that point was the infamous rib tip sandwich from this place called C&K.
That's it pictured above via Maxim Online, which once did a feature on it, but you can't really see that in addition to the actual rib tips soaked in copious amounts of barbecue sauce and the oh, so necessary white bread, it also comes with a layer of potato salad in between the tips and the Wonder. The whole thing comes wrapped in a sheet of butcher's paper roughly the size of a Twister mat and is basically impossible to eat as a regular sandwich.
Needless to say, it's arguably the best thing you could possibly eat. Nullus.
But then a regular old cracka-ass cracka pulled pork sandwich is pretty dang good, too. In typical white people's barbecue fashion, it consists of nothing more than a handful of pulled pork shoulder on a hamburger bun - the idea being that if you put anything else on it, it might take away from the taste of the meat, which I've written about before. Some people, especially southerners, have been known to put slaw on them, which I tried once and found to be actually not a bad idea.
If there's an issue, it's that C&K is deep, deep down in the ghetto, far enough that it's really not worth going. Because it's nowhere near the highway, you run the risk of getting lost and getting yourself into some deep, deep shit. There are other black 'cue joints scattered about, but nobody really bothers with them, unless you're just really into snoots or some shit. White 'cue restaurants, on the other hand, are - like I said - literally all over the place.
September 28, 2005
When you gotta go...
St. Louis Stories #6
It's the very rare occasion when you see local political issues here in the STL covered in the national media. In fact, this was the only case I could think of where that happened, though I'm sure there could - in theory - be other examples.
In 2002 St. Louis Board of Aldermen was embroiled in a particularly nasty debate about something or other. If memory serves me correctly, the cracka members of the board were attempting to redraw some local districts in their favor. Several local civil rights pimps were running "this close" to being out of a job.
So they decided to pull the old Strom Thurmond-style filibuster. I'm not familiar with what the rules are in the Senate, but I'm assuming it's OK if you need to take a piss every now and again, especially as old as some of those dudes are. Apparently, that's not the case here. Older jiglady alderman Irene Smith had to take a pee pee. The cracka-ass cracka in charge of the board saw his opportunity and ruled that if she were to go piss, they're filibuster would be blown.
Of course a woman's ego would never allow her to piss her pants (or, shit, dress for that matter) for a political cause. But then I guess she knew if she blew this filibuster, she'd be SOL anyway. So she had the rest of the jig aldermen hold up a white shite (why was there a white sheet there anyway?) while she peed into a waste bucket. The whole thing was caught on tape and replayed on the local news about a million times, replete with attendant comments from various angry local jig leaders.