Purple Rain vs. The Bends

Man, I woke up expecting to do something on krispexgate, but all I really had was an inbox full of letters from half his colleagues big upping me on that shit, and I don't want to put anybody's shit out there like that. So let's do an album deathmatch instead!

Purple Rain really shouldn't need any introduction, but - since I know this site happens to be trafficked by a lot of young kids and other cultural illiterates - this was the soundtrack to the film of the same name, which sort of launched Prince into the pop stratosphere back in the mid '80s along with the likes of Jacko and Madonna. Some people will tell you that the movie is the worst thing ever, but it's actually the best thing ever. Roger Ebert even once famously called it the Citizen Kane of rock films. This soundtrack album is widely considered one of the best albums of the '80s.

Some people will tell you to this day that The Bends was the best Radiohead album, though I find that you can make a pretty compelling case for any Radiohead album (yes, even Pablo Honey) being the best one ever. At any rate, this one is forking awesome. There's no way you couldn't have watched any episode of The Real World going all the way back to like Miami up through Hawaii and not heard at least one song from this. Of course, that was before MTV started taking money from labels to have music featured in their shows.

Which one of these is a better album? I decided to compare the two on all the points that matter and came up with a definitive answer. As usual, my methods for comparison are completely scientific and I will not tolerate any questioning of my findings.

Number of Great Songs
This is a tough one and ultimately impossible to decide. I mean, everyone know that "When Doves Cry" was one of the towering moments of genius in pop music history, but then it's hard to shake the feeling that "Fake Plastic Trees" really is the best song ever written. It could be argued though that what Prince was doing was a lot more unique for its time, where as Radiohead - at this point - was still more indebted to its influences.

Number of Bullshit Songs
When I thought of this this morning, I was all ready to nitpick the shit out of both of these albums, but the truth of the matter is that neither of them have any songs that are less than amazing. I guess the thing is though that Purple Rain has a handful of songs that are considered among the most classic songs in the history of pop music, where as only one song from The Bends ever got played on the radio. Props if you know which one.

Songwriting
This is definitely an apples and oranges situation, but one worth considering if only for shits and giggles. The thing is, nobody really pulled off the nasty sex thing with vague religious overtones better than Prince, but then nobody really does the whole sickness, alienation and dying thing better than the 'Head. Obviously, the sex thing was going to go over better with the record buyers.

Guitar Playing
Usually when I bust out Guitar Playing as a category, it's because one album and has no guitar playing at all and so I'm just intentionally trying to ruin some Nas fan's morning, but in this case we actually have two albums with quite a bit of axe shredding. As awesome as the guitar playing on The Bends is, of course I'm going to have to give this one to Prince.

Album Covers
Again, this goes back to the sex thing vs. the creepy weirdness thing. But in this case, I've definitely got to go with Prince. That whole motorcycle in a smokey alley with his bitch hanging out the doorway thing is completely fucking iconic. Not to mention the thing with the flowers, which calls to mind the awesome video for "When Doves Cry."

Conclusion: Purple Rain > The Bends > Everything else